I've got love for you if you were watching TV in the 90s

Anyone else want to feel like they're nine years old again?



I mean.... shit.  There is so much nostalgia packed into those three minutes and forty one seconds that I had to re-assess my surroundings after I watched it because I thought I might actually be sitting on my purple beanbag in my old living room on a Saturday morning.  I would kill to be wearing Melissa Joan Hart's polka-dot headband and eating Cookie Crisp right now.

Also: how is it that I always forget to bring the trash outside on trash day but I can still sing the entire Animaniacs theme song?  I weep for my generation.

The Weekly Widget and Sassoon: dreams do come true

On days when I am feeling directionless and questioning my life choices, I like to try and remember how far I've come.  Sure, I'm slowly eating through my savings account, spending late nights watching cartoons and drinking whiskey, and my bedroom is covered in piles of mail and clothing BUT at least I'm not still job searching, right??

And I'm thinking positively for Andrea, too.  Sure, it sucks that she spends most days hanging out with a toddler and her closet doesn't hold all of her clothes BUT at least she has an iPhone!  See?  Things aren't so bad, people!  Unless you're reading this over someone's shoulder in a Starbucks because you're homeless.  That is bad.

me:i'm pretty sure i'm not getting that BAM job and it's killing my spirit

andrea: why? did the interview go badly?

 me: not terribly, but i haven't heard a peep from them and the interview was last monday

 i have a feeling they think i'm underqualified

 andrea: underqualified?

  that's boo hockey

 me: ha! boo hockey!

  yeah, i guess, but i keep thinking of other things i could have thrown into the interview that i didn't

  poo

 i'm sure they're interviewing a ton of people though

 andrea: yeah, a week ago is not that long

 did they give you a time frame for hiring at all?

 me: they said as soon as possible

  and the original ad said mid-august :(

 andrea: lame

 everyone's lame

  were the two best people for everything and noone wants to help us

  everyone's a JERK

 me: i KNOW!

 jerkface america!

 andrea: jerkface WORLD

  i just want a place to LIVE

  I want a JOB

  i want the world to stop making me TYPE IN CAPS

me: HATE IT!andrea: ugh. i just want an iphone and some new boots

Actually, Andrea probably does still want some new boots.

The Weekly Widget and Sassoon: I'm drunk at Voooogue

I've had a lot of beers.  And I just made the the best improvised tofu-rancheros-inspired scramble ever.  And I'm still poor.  And I'm never getting off this couch.  Aaaaaand drug segue:

andrea: Dude, I woke up this morning with such a migraine I thought I might not be able to come this weekend

  It was draaaaaammmz

  But I'm all drugged up and i feel a babillion better now

  Boom

  Deugs

Drugs!

  Yes.

Oh and this:

The Weekly Widget and Sassoon: Mancassins!

I have to write a commercial parody for my sketch class so I'm using it as an excuse to sit on my couch and watch lots of bad TV to "research."  I can't turn away from  NeNe on Real Housewives of Atlanta stoned out of her mind on pain meds recovering from a ton of plastic surgery.  HILARIOUS.  NeNe is my fave.  I mean, this is her NOT stoned on pain meds so you can only imagine the joy that is happening right now:

I watch way too much Real Housewives of anywhere.  I'd watch Real Housewives of Topeka if it was on right now.  Too bad Project Runway isn't still on Bravo.  If I were watching that I could at least pretend that I'm learning things about... patterns... and... socks.

andrea: i'm watching old epis of project runway in bed while joe mixes loudly

me: PRO RUN

  word

 andrea: proj ruuuuun

 me: why the hell did they move it off bravo??

  so sad

 andrea: have you ever seen the fashion show?

  which is bravo's desperate attempt to save themselves after selling proj run...

 me: yes

  snooorrrre

 andrea: i have NO IDEA. it has always been their best show

  yes!

  its sooooooo booooooring

  and awful

  and lame

 me: no one can compete with tim gunn and heidi

 andrea: especially not fucking isaac mizrahi

 he's such a caricature of himself its like he's probably not even gay

 me: i know!

 andrea: he probably goes home to his secret wife and kids and chops wood

and why doesn't he ever wear socks?

  what the hell dude?! socks are good

 me: he doesn't?

 andrea: he's always wearing mancassins with no socks

 me: i mean, i don't love socks, but his feet must stiiink

  MANCASSINS!

The Weekly Widget and Sassoon: summer > winter

Dreaface was in town this weekend and we had the most jam-packed-yet-relaxing two days of super funsies ever.  Highlights included pizza in a cone, Spa Castle body temperature adjustments, edamame dumplings, neon nails, Japanese groceries, and a Cake Shop dance fest.

Andrea is my best friend, but there are some things we will never agree on.  Number one is probably whether or not summer is better than winter (OF COURSE IT IS).  Another one is whether or not Bethenny Frankel is crazy or awesome (FREAKSHOW):

me: what are you watching?

 andrea: bethenny getting married

 me: oh dear

 and yet, if i were home now i'd probably be watching it too

  her face is terrifying

 andrea: i <3 her

  i have a lady boner for Bethenny Frankel

me: eeewwww

 her jaw is like someone shoved a baking sheet into her face

 andrea: very descriptive...

 me: i've thought about this a lot

But these arguments never last long.  There's too much dancing to do.

OK FINE, AMC!

"Oh puh-lease, Don, don't give me that look - are you telling me you've never vomited in a subway trashcan?  Come on, let's go get Peggy drunk..."

The Weekly Widget and Sassoon: Dear Bjork - please give me a job

Holy shit you guys: what a fucking MON-DAY.  I had a glorious weekend - sleeping, dancing, drinking, cooking, "True Blood"-ing (aaah, why I am so addicted?) - and then it all went downhill starting at roughly 10:01am this morning.  Payroll, banking, spreadsheets, photos, and emails got the better of me for a straight 10 hours or so - I didn't even have time to hide in the bathroom and bang my head against the wall.  Finally, I stumbled home, so psyched to put on my jammies and chill out with my pals Bravo and Sabra, and discovered my entire fucking wardrobe rack had broken in half and I had clothes all over my room.  Thanks a bunch, Monday!!!

I shouldn't be so over-dramatic.  I did find temporary extra space for my clothes in our hall closet and I am currently in my jammies eating hummus and watching mindless television despite all this.  It just doesn't give me much hope for the rest of this week.

All of this has nothing to do with mine and Drea's Bjork and "Biggest Loser" obsessions, but it does make for a nice contrast.

molly: i'm having such a bjork day

 andrea: that sounds colorful and awesome

 molly: it's mildly depressing, but still awesome

 i wish she was here serenading me in person

 andrea: don't we all

 molly: "bachelorette" is my jam lately

 andrea: that's a really good one

 molly: it's so dramatic

 andrea: you know what's dramatic? the biggest loser

  dear god the TEARS

 just put the donut down, lady. it's cool.

 molly: oh yeah, that too

  oh my god, they should have bjork as a GUEST JUDGE

 andrea: HAHAHA

 molly: then the world would explode

  can you imagine???

 it would be like when she was on spaceghost

 andrea: oh my god, that was AMAZING

 molly: they'd ask her questions and she's answer in nonsense words

  yeah, i want to watch that right NOW

 andrea: with her odd little accent

 molly: "large persons, you have to run with the horses and sunshine and love your pink hearts and no more eating cakes"

  "sneakers are shiny and laughter"

 andrea: oh my god.

  YES

molly: it's like engrish

 andrea: only better

Yeah, I do want to watch that right now:

TGI (almost) F!

In a perfect belated follow-up to my "Boy Meets World" post of yore, the perpetual work distraction Flavorwire has done all the hard work of figuring out what happened to all of our favorite TGIF stars (why don't I have this job??).  Check it out.

FYI: I totally used to have one of those denim flower "Sister, Sister" hats.  I got it for my tenth birthday and often rocked it with a silky paisley vest over a white t-shirt and more denim.  YEAH 1993.

The all the all of you

I went home to NH a couple weeks ago and impulsively grabbed a few things to bring back to NYC with me.  Specifically, old journals and mix tapes.  I suppose this was partially fueled by the new storytelling / personal writing kick I've been on lately - I'm constantly trying to dig into my past for a good story - but it was also for purely nostalgic reasons, especially with the tapes.  Allison left me her ghetto-blaster boombox before she went to London so I knew I could finally revisit the gems that I taped off the radio somewhere around 1995-1997.

I've been listening to these since then and oh. my. god.  Not only are they so full of adolescent angst (these covered ages 12-14), but parts of them are still pretty fucking awesome, if I do say so myself.  The fact that I taped the majority off the radio lends them an extra-special charm.

Side B of what I like to call "The 7th Grade tape" has a particularly stellar buildup of tracks, which I would like to recreate for you here, in video form.  You may want to put on a flannel and/or some Delias jewelry:

No Doubt - Just A Girl


Bush - Glycerine (holy crap, by putting those two songs next to one another it's like my 12-year-old mind was predicting the future marriage of Gwen Stefani and Gavin Rossdale!  Whoaaaa.)


Toadies - Possum Kingdom (I forgot how creepy and messed up this song and video are)


Green Day - Brain Stew


and the best one ever.....
Spacehog - In The Meantime


I say "best one ever" because it was and always will be the best song on that mix.  It was my most favorite song for probably all of junior high and I played that section of the tape so much that I'm surprised it still works.  It's hilarious to me now that I loved this song so intensely even though the lyrics make absolutely no sense and I couldn't understand half of them anyway.  Early evidence of how I still always favor composition over lyrics, I guess.

As a bonus, I had an epic night of reading through my old journals yesterday and found this as further evidence:

The best song in the world is "In The Meantime" by Spacehog.  I think it has most influenced me to have a band.  I think about our band* and remember seeing them on Jay Leno at Cecelia's house whenever I hear it.

*What I meant by "our band" is the "band" that consisted of me and two of my best friends at the time, Cecelia and Sarah.  Collectively we knew about five chords on the acoustic guitar and I would attempt to "drum" with pencils on textbooks.  We spent most of our time thinking up cool band names (contenders being Hybrid Monkeys and Electric Toastmen... um... we weren't men).  I wish I could find a clip of that Leno performance somewhere online... I wonder if it would still shatter my world.

It's funny how not much has changed, though.  Well, Cecelia is married and has a baby and I'm pretty sure Sarah is a budding lawyer, but I'm still soundtracking my life with dramatic music and air drumming.

And I still I love the all the all of you.

The Weekly Widget and Sassoon: gettin' old

That's right, I'm OLD.  At least, I sure felt old after unfolding myself from a four-hour bus ride from Boston to New York City this afternoon and hobbling into work.  My gimpy side was acting up and even though I limped around the office and kept yawning with exhaustion, they still made me open envelopes and take notes in meetings and stuff!  SHEESH.

But then I got home and went for a run, went grocery shopping, made dinner, and made a double batch of cookies.  And after I publish this here post I still have plans to wash dishes, paint my nails and watch awesome things on Hulu.  So I guess I'm not old, I just have work-induced laziness.  And insomnia.  Getting there...

molly: there is some kind of giant backyard party going on next door

  which would be ok, if it weren't TUESDAY

who does that on a tuesday?

  am i getting old?

 andrea: who does that on the tuesday after fucking memorial day weekend?

 molly: i guess it will be more annoying if it's still happening in 5 hours

  yeah, really

 andrea: seriously, haven't you partied enough?

 molly: right now it's mostly just annoying because i don't want to shut my windows and we're competing for music

andrea: that sucks

  people suck

  i mean, its not that late, but its tuesday, like for realsies

molly: right?

  if it is still happening in a few hours, i'm going to yell that out my window

 andrea: yes!

  i love that

 molly: "people, it's tuesday, like for realsies!"

 andrea: there were some cats having sex outside my window like a half an hour ago i think...

 molly: but i'll put curlers in my hair and put on a housecoat first

 andrea: i should've yelled at them

  yes!

 molly: yesssss ewwww that happens a lot here too

 andrea: and a green face mask

  I actually muted the tv and went over to the window all "what the crap?"

molly: yeah cause it sounds like babies dying

 andrea: i don't even know what to liken it to..

  it was upsetting

PS: If anyone can find me a link to the clip of Maya Rudolph's re-appearance as Whitney Houston on SNL this past Saturday, I will love you forever and buy you a drink or... something.  It is crucial to Andrea and mine's growing collection of videos to loudly re-enact on the subway.

Oh it's such a perfect day... I'm glad I spent it with me...

Not to rub it in your face, worker bees, but I am on VACATION this week and I FUCKING LOVE IT.  Today, in particular, was all loveliness and sunshine.  I'm tempted to never show up to work again and see how long it takes them to stop paying me.  (That would probably take about three days, actually, since I usually run the payroll.)

I got up sorta early (9am) considering I worked my intern shift the night before, but I thought I'd be meeting a potential subletter.  Turns out I had my days mixed up - whoops - so I instead used the time to send out four job resumes and speed through some of my email.  Yay productivity!

I had to go into Manhattan for an appointment and with all the sun and the green and the flowering things I couldn't possibly go right back on the train. So I wandered myself into Barnes and Noble to peruse things I shouldn't buy.  Good call, because I found this on the bargain shelf for $5.95:

YESSS!  This has been on my to-buy list forever, but I was always too cheap to shell out the whole entire list price fee of $28 (times is tough, yo).  Now that I have it my hot little hands all I want to do is become a professional wackadoo party host.  Why isn't that job on Craigslist??

After more wandering in the beautiful sunshine, I came home and made myself a real lunch!  With fresh fruits and vegetables!  Which I didn't have to eat at a sad desk!  Amazing.

Then I dashed to dance class and HOLY CRAP.  Not only did we dance to Janet, but it was the teacher's assistant's birthday so they brought her a cake and we all got giant slices of Magnolia red velvet cake after class!  For real!!

 
And it had normal vanilla frosting and not cream cheese frosting which is what always ruins a good red velvet and ohmygod CAKE!!!  It felt wrong to sit and eat cake after sweating for 90 minutes but still... mindblowing.

Now I'm winding down with tequila and L.A. Ink (these people are fascinating) and I have big plans to watch the end of Ugly Betty Season 4 and paint my nails with this fancy nail art pen.

PLANS, y'all!!

Just so you know I'm not entirely roses and unicorns, I did pull a neck muscle in dance class and I don't know how I'll ever turn my head to the left ever again.  But still!  Who needs turn their head when there's Amy Sedaris and tequila!

I almost don't want to go to sleep tonight for fear that karma will fuck me over and tomorrow will suck.

The Weekly Widget and Sassoon: I'll be there for youuuuuuu

Drea, I really wish you were on a bus on your way here right this second, even if it does make you cranky.  I could use a night of beer and tacos and "Friends" references.  We don't have to make out, just dance a lot.  I guess I can still be Ross - Phoebe and Monica are lamesauce.

And maybe I'll figure out this whole underwear thing.

andrea: This is a neverending hell beast bus, and I want a beer and a taco, and I'm getting cranky

molly: if it's any consolation, i just discovered i've been wearing my underwear inside out all day

  do you think you're running late?

andrea: AHAHAHAHSHA

  No, were rapidly approaching the bronx

  andrea: Thanks iPhone , for always letting me, and the government, know where I am

 molly: and the ALIENS

 andrea: woot.

  They could find me before iPhone, they've got super nano technology.

  duh

 molly: DUH

 andrea: you still meeting me at the bus?

 molly: yep

 andrea: like a long lost lover...?

 molly: i'm actually leaving work now and i'm going to slowly meander in that direction

  yep, minus the roses

  plus the making out

 andrea: cool, get me a present

 molly: oh but i DID

  it's just at home

 andrea: awesome, we can be like Ross and rachel

 molly: surrrrrre

  i want to be ross

The Weekly Widget and Sassoon: poo pah to the max

Dudes, I am BEAT.  I'm working a ton of overtime in preparation for this bananatown gala we're planning at work while also fighting off the end of cold (again).  All I want to do is lie in bed and watch America's Best Dance Crew (I miss Kaba Modern!) and eat pretzels. 

But since I'm getting a significant bonus check from all this, I guess I'll hang out and try to raise us some money.  Blergh.

Coincidentally, do any of you know some rich people who would like to drop tons of money on an evening of musical theatre, fancy canapes, and self-congratulation?  Say... $5,000 or so?  Lemme know really soon.

I could use a shot of whiskey right about now.

andrea: (I'm all riled up from bubbles)

molly: bubbles?

champys?

 andrea: YES

  champys!

molly: i just had some whiskey, but sadly there was only about one shot left :(

  prepping for mad men watching

 andrea: ugh lame

 one shot of whiskey and mad men

  lame

  L

  A

  M

  E

  joe sends his regards

  as he is out of clever words right now

 molly: i bet HE isn't calling me lame!

 andrea: oh he did

  don't worry

 molly: i send those regards right back, gentleman

 oh crap then

  i take them back

 andrea: you can't

  they're out there in the ether

 molly: i throw my proverbial glove at the both of you

  poo pah

 andrea: poo pah!

  YES

you are on a ROLL

 molly: it's the lack of sleep

  and that one shot of whiskey

 andrea: woo!

  livin

PS: I stopped adding the date of the chat because you guys don't care, right?  All five of you?  Right.

Practically an ad for Mr. Clean Magic Erasers

I can't decide if Wayne Coyne's uber-modern house reminds me more of a stylized igloo or of the Mode Magazine office on "Ugly Betty":

Either way, I bet his housekeepers are working double time to keep all those surfaces white, especially if he's still biking around naked and covered in goo with these crazies (a very very NSFW link, by the way).  Hmmm.

Read more here.

The Weekly Widget and Sassoon: couch dreams

I'm back at work today.  Luckily it's really slow and the big bosses aren't here, but it still means I had to put on real clothes and get up far too early.  Also, I am being plagued with pinching headaches that only seem to be remedied by keeping my glasses on.  NERD.

I wish I was still home watching TV all day in my pajamas... although that's probably what's caused this glasses situation.  If I could insert a picture of myself here, it would be me all nerdy-glasses, harumphing loud enough to make my bangs fly around.

• 6/3/09 - 12:10pm
  

 andrea: sometimes when i watch too much tv it really brings home how much people nauseate me

but mostly that's because tori & dean isn't on.

 molly: so.... tori and dean make you feel happy and fuzzy inside?

 andrea: mm hmm

  :)

 molly: you're weird

 andrea: i know it

 molly: and tori looks like a dude

 andrea: i make no apologies

  she looks like a frog dude

  a harse dude

  horse

  a horsefrog dude

 they should call it horsefrog dude & dean

 molly: HA, harse dude

  YES

 andrea: hee hee

 molly: that could be a nickelodeon show

 andrea: yes!

  on right after willow & the centipedes

  which is another show i just made up

 molly: HA i almost believed you

  that show sounds like it would be creepy

 andrea: it would be fun and joyous

  ...

  and a little creepy

molly: that could also be a band name... for a creepy band

andrea: full of creep shows

  that sings about bugs

The Weekly Widget and Sassoon: THE END (of the year... and the decade... and a bunch of celebs)

Well look at that: last Monday of the year.  Of the decade.  Of the "aughts" if you wanna be all trendy about it.  The blogs are abuzz with these "Best Of" and "End of an Era" lists and while in theory I'd like to make a list or two, in reality I'm a lazy ass.  I just got off an extra-long Bolt Bus ride from Boston back to NYC and bus rides are like a free pass for being super lazy all day.  Sure, I spent most of it napping and reading The Glass Castle (which is awesome so far, by the way) but, you guys, in order to pee I had to balance myself in a wobbly closet and we didn't stop for a break so I had to eat clementines and Christmas cookies for lunch!  Gaahhhhhhd.  So unfaaaaaaair.

Anyway.  End of the year and stuff.

What strikes me the most about 2009 is the amount of big name celebrities who died.  What's in your water, Hollywood?? Damn.  The fact that Farrah Fawcett and Michael Jackson died on the SAME DAY is crazy enough.  Andrea and I have our own theories about what really went down with MJ:

• 6/27/09 - 11:57pm
  

andrea: everyone's posting on the jackson slaying

  the universe slayed him

  he was called home by the mothership

 molly: slaying??

  ok, yeah

 andrea: "enough." it said

 molly: yeah, it said "whoa, whoa, your face is not even a face, you've got a lot of sweet singles, some box sets, some dance moves - why not quit while you're ahead?"

 andrea: HAHAHAHA

 molly: "also, michael - we have unicorns here"

  SOLD

 andrea: and he jumped right out of his own saggy alien skin

 molly: ack!

 andrea: right

 molly: maybe the coroners found his skin!

 andrea: aaaaaagh!

Totally plausible.

I'm on vacation this week so maybe I'll get my own little "Best Of" lists together while I avoid doing laundry and writing cover letters.  Uhhh... after I go to the gym and work off these cookie thighs.  And after I finish watching season three of "Mad Men."  So... maybe never.

The Weekly Widget and Sassoon: holidazzze

It is so spectacularly stupendous to be on vacation.  I was actually pretty productive today, but I'm taking an 11am bus home tomorrow and have not packed anything at all.  Instead I'm getting far too emotionally involved in Access Hollywood's coverage of Brittany Murphy's death (holy celebrity death year, 2009!) and eating tons of kettlecorn.  Once my roommates get home we're having our own mini Christmas with boozing and bonding.  Look at our Charlie-Brown-ish tree (in horrible Macbook camera lighting):

Awwww, cute.  The best part is that we actually have SNOW!  I ran around in it on Saturday night (during a Home Alone party!), but sadly it's already turned into dirty puddles.  Nothing fun about it once your socks get wet.

• 12/17/08 - 11:51am

molly: is it raining there?

 andrea: wintry mix

  ugh

 molly: i love that term "wintry mix"

  it makes me think that chex mix should be falling from the sky

 andrea: i hate it

  because it sounds fun

 molly: or candy canes and mittens

 andrea: exactly, but in reality, its awful
Hopefully things will be more festive in New Hampshire - at least there will be amazing Christmas vinyl to listen to!  Shake it, Herb!

The Weekly Widget and Sassoon: OH MY GOD IT'S ONLY MONDAY

Today at work I did all the payroll at once. It's usually a two-day process, but because of this dang Thanksgiving holiday week I had to condense it into one day.  Which meant roughly 8.5 hours of squinting at color-coded spreadsheets and small drop-down menus on the online payroll system. Oh, and the payroll system repeatedly crashed and got soooooo slooooowww because surely every other administrative slave in New York was trying to do the same thing. Puke.

It made me think about my dream job: Professional Awesome Person.  I can't seem to figure out what to do with my life, so why not just be Professionally Awesome, right?  I'm pretty sure the job would primarily involve making  iTunes playlists, baking cookies, rating movies on Netflix, high-fiving old people, and eating tortilla chips.  Actually... this is starting to sound like Naive Unemployed Person.  Hmm.

Either way, I've already got my business cards planned:

• 4/17/09 - 11:58pm
  

molly: i want to get new moo cards that say "molly cameron - the shit"

  because i'm so modest

 andrea: i almost just choked on my lunch when i read that

  that's the raddest thing ever

  do it

molly: i'm a genius

  and each one will have a photo of me on the front in a karate pose

 or wearing sunglasses looking all cool

  or yelling with a beer in my hand

andrea: you sound like the female version of the guy from eastbound and down

  HA

 molly: HAAA yes

  even though i've never seen a full episode, i totally know what you mean

  i'll need to get some sweatbands

 andrea: HELL YES

  you should watch it

  its gold

molly: also: look at this: http://lookatthisfuckinghipster.tumblr.com/

  HA

 andrea: holy wow

 molly: yup

I guess I'll just keep making fun of hipsters until those dreams come true.  Feel free to drop me a line if you'd got a bunch of money you'd like to invest in my small business.

The Weekly Widget and Sassoon: thank you, Netflix Instant

I am completely addicted to "Dexter."  I added it to my Netflix queue on a whim and then got all wrapped up in it, especially at the end of the first season.  Whoa! The plot twists!  And THEN, lo and behold, it's available to watch instantly on Netflix.  Why have I not embraced this feature until now??  I can watch episode after episode without having to go anywhere or build a semblance of a social life!

So I'm currently only on season two, but already I'm sucked in.  Oh Michael C. Hall, you've won me over with your creepy emotionless charm!  I loved him on "Six Feet Under," which is why I thought to watch "Dexter" in the first place.  "Six Feet Under" was my Netflix obsession last year and sometimes I miss not knowing what was in store for those Fishers and Chenoweths.  Andrea is just as passionate about it as I am and, as you can tell, sometimes we forget they're not real people.

*SPOILER ALERT* Spoilers. They are here.  Maybe don't read this chat if you haven't seen any "Six Feet Under" and would like to block out all plot exposition until you watch it beginning to end (as you should).

• 10/31/08 - 1:29pm

andrea: did you just watch that episode where claire is at work?

 molly: six feet under?

  no i just finished disc two

  nate's 40th birthday

and claire is just smoking weed 24/7

andrea: wow, so much happens in every season

  they really pack it in

  that's where he freaks out on that bird

 molly: YES

  so scary

 like a flashback to when he kills that snake

  actually the last episode i saw was the one right after that where he's finally nice and he and brenda explain the whole two mommy thing to maya

heartwarming

  which is good because nate saved me from hating him

  he's on the edge of being a complete douche

andrea: he's such a whiner

  nothing is ever good enough for him

  oh no I hate my life, i don't want to be a funeral director

  oh no brenda's mean to me, i hate her brother

  oh no I married lisa and i hate her!

  oh no lisa's dead! but i loved her!

 oh no, i'm with brenda again!

  waaaaaaaa!

 molly: I KNOWWWW

  so annoying

  and yet, each episode i manage to still feel bad for him

  but lately i've been feeling more for brenda

 she used to be a complete mess and know that she's finally pulled it together everyone dumps on her

 andrea: yeah, she's definitely doing better

molly: oh man... if i only i put so much energy into caring about real people...

  no one has such dramatic lives, i suppose

 andrea: its true

  our friends need to step it up

molly: yeah, and start having sex addictions and drug dealer friends

 andrea: yeah, what the eff?

Speaking of death and serial killers and blood, Halloween was bananas. I was a zombie camp counselor and I drank a lot of vodka and kept dropping things (umbrella, phone, beer bottles).  Thanks, Andrea, for helping me pick things up (like my brain).

I still need to be Liza and/or Suri someday, but I was down to the wire and really wanted to use fake blood.

BRAAIIINNNS!!

The Weekly Widget and Sassoon: Adventures in Pisspot

Round 2 of Widget and Sassoon month wrapped up yesterday and is definitely in the running to be the most memorable. There was less shopping and more bad luck and pouting this time around, but still some web-video-watching and buffet-eating. Sort of a good balance.

The weird part: Andrea got random stomach flu/food poisoning, also late Saturday night, which happened to me last week! Are we germing each other up? I swear I didn't even lick her pillowcase. Luckily I started taking liquid echinacea this weekend and I'm convinced it's saving my immune system (it also makes me feel a little stoned - bonus?).

The sucky part: I lost my phone when we went to Andrea's grandmother's retirement party in Long Island. For real. And I wasn't even drunk! Damn it all. I think it was a sign though as my phone was a piece of crap and now Andrea is sending me her old-but-fancy phone. Yay!
So I've been without a phone for two and a half days now, which is mostly an inconvenience, but also a bit freeing. Want to text me about how annoying the post office is? GOOD LUCK, SUCKERS!

The awesome part: I finally got tattoos! Talk about FANCY. I've been pondering over the idea of getting wings off my ankles for a good two years now and I finally did it. They were perfectly inked by Bryan at New York Adorned and I couldn't be happier with the design. He was a bit of a sass, but in a classic East-Village-tattoo artist way. And yes, it hurt like hell, but I think the total inking process couldn't have been more than 15 minutes. I'd love to post photos, but as I don't own a digital camera, I don't want to post the lame MacBook-Photo Booth version. Photo shoot, anyone?
Oh, and FUN FACT: Not only did Bryan's three-year-old son run around the shop and give us fake flowers while we were waiting, but we were told that Hilary Duff had stopped in right before I arrived to get a small anchor tattooed on her ankle. I suggested that it's so she can sink to the bottom (zing!). Bryan said he wished she got a Duff beer can (HA!).

ANYWAY. Dreaface and I didn't get to spend as much time together as before, but I'm glad she broke her promise about coming to New York. We'll continue the adventures in Borington in a couple weeks.

• 4/3/09 11:22am

andrea: i'm trying to make it until december without seeing new york

these are my little dreams

molly: you're no fun

andrea: i'm all kindsa rad genius fun

molly: WHATEVER

andrea: YOU WHATEVER

new york is a piss pot

PISS

POT

you move to london i'll visit you all the time!

no!

don't!~

i take it back!

molly: maybe i WILL

you're lucky i come to boring boston

borington

bostonoring

andrea: you shut it

i come to pisspot for you

pissy pissy pisspot

molly: yeah in december maybe

you're missing out on my giant living room and kabirs

andrea: ooooh kabirs....

That's RIGHT! I knew I could lure her with a samosa.

Oh, and here's another SNL clip we enjoyed imitating:



"YEAAAAH"