The Weekly Widget and Sassoon: I'm dying. (Maybe.) (Probably not.)

I am a baaaad hypochondriac.  Or, rather, a good hypochodriac?  I'm good at being a hypochondriac in a baaaad way - get it?  Basically, on any given day, I can surely describe to you a number of diseases that I have based on self diagnosis (with the help of Google).  Brain tumors, breast cancer, heart attack, aneurysm - I'm always on the verge of something.  Usually this paranoia is fleeting, but sometimes I need Andrea to talk me down:

• 3/26/08 - 11:54am

molly: i'm in hypochondria mode and i need you to convince me that i don't have laryngeal papillomatosis

 andrea: what the hell is that?

  that's not even a thing

 molly: it is! it is! it's what happening because my larynx is swelling up with disease!

http://www.nidcd.nih.gov/health/voice/laryngeal.asp

 after that you should read this: http://twitter.com/fireland

 andrea: no.

  you don't have that

  you have a sore throat

 molly: but it's swelling up with... tumor things

 andrea: no. it isn't.

  you're a lunatic.

 molly: true

  but

  tumors....

 andrea: you do not have tumors!

  not.

  no.

  nein

  NON.

i have to go to the store, don't you go tumoring it up all over town.

molly: fiiiiiine

By the way, Fireland will cure anything that ails you.  Or... at least distract you from your impulses to Google "deviated septum death."  (Ohhhhh god, maybe don't do that.)