Tuesday, September 28, 2010

The Weekly Widget and Sassoon: LIBRARY PARTY!

I've had this amazing idea for a theme party kicking around in my head for a few years now: The Library Party.

First of all, in my ideal world, all parties would be theme parties.  And by theme parties I mean themed everything: appropriate music, kitschy food and drinks, and guests must arrive in costume. Almost all parties I went to in college were theme parties, but in retrospect that may have been because we were nerdy theatre kids. 

Yes, I know how photogenic I am, please hold your gasps.

But still: what is it about reaching a certain age that makes it uncool to get dressed up and meticulously plan for a theme party?  Why does it only have to be OK on Halloween?

That's why my dream theme party is the Library Party.  I think it would attract both people like me who are freaks about costume parties and the more wary people who would only like to put on a crazy tie.  The idea would be that everyone has to arrive dressed as either a character from a book or a famous author.  PLUS, every guest would have to bring a book or two that they don't want and would swap with others at the party.  There would of course also be literary-themed drinks and snacks and music.  If I got my act together, I would even sent out real snail-mail invites printed on old library cards.  Really though, the best part would be the chance for a bunch of pretentious nerds to get drunk and talk books and then dance together - right??

The one thing holding me back is my fear that I don't know enough nerds who would actually get on board and show up.  What if Andrea was the only guest??  All we'd do is wear fake beards and eat mango and dance!

andrea: i love mango
  if I wasn't so full right now, I would want mango real bad
 me: i went through a big mango phase a few years ago and then kinda forgot about them
 oh yeah i've seen those somewhere before, on daily candy or something
  i love a good book nerd shirt
 andrea: me too!
 me: man, one of these days i am really throwing a library party and it's going to KILL
andrea: dude. fall
  do it for the start of fall
 me: YES
trouble is, i can't find enough nerds who are into it
 andrea: are you kidding?
  you know tons of THEATRE people
  and improv nerds
  who will I be?!
  oh nooooooo!!!!1
 me: yeah, maybe i'll start spreading the word during del close marathon next weekend
  yeah, that would be my biggest problem - finding the best costume ever
 maybe i'll surprise everyone and be fucking MARK TWAIN!
 andrea: yeeeeeeessss
 this is so hard
  i'm staring off into space thinking about it
  i should have been thinking about this for years
 its like halloween pressure times twenty
 me: it's ok, there's time
  seeing as it won't happen until i get a big enough nerd posse

Whoops, I never did spread the word during DCM so consider this your official pre-invitation, nerd posse.

Thursday, September 23, 2010

At least I haven't dyed my hair black again

I've been having a strangely emotional week.  Maybe it's because I'm on the cusp of turning 27, maybe it's because there's a full moon reaching it's peak in roughly two hours, or maybe it's just that I'm out of beer. Whatever it is, all I seem to want to do lately is moodily wander the streets listening to dramatic music or spread magazines all over my room and make creepy collages while listening to dramatic music.  The dramatic music is key.

This is all cathartic and fulfilling (I think?) but it's getting to a point that feels slightly ridiculous.  With all the Bjork and Interpol and Radiohead scoring my life, I can't help but imagine over-dramatic images from my week being cut together into a slo-mo scene, Wes Anderson style.

I wish I had the camera/editing skills/motivation to film some kind of hilarious version of this, but alas, I don't.  Instead, pour yourself a glass of whiskey with a side of anxiety and imagine me walking in slow motion in the rain and shaking my fists at the sky while you listen to INXS:

Is it a coincidence that this song is first on my oh-boy-it's-fall playlist?  (Or that it's also the sorta-slo-mo opening to Donnie Darko?) Maybe I'm in for a dramatic season.

Monday, September 20, 2010

The Weekly Widget and Sassoon: oh yeah that happened

Remember when Andrea had two houses?  And I had two jobs?  And pom poms went on necklaces?  And... dancing and cats?  Ummm, I don't know what I'm talking about.  This happened a long time ago:

andrea: boo
 me: boo HOOOO
  boo WHO?
  boo YOU
 andrea: boo me~
  i meant!
  what are you up to?
  if you were here we'd be dancing
 me: totally
  i'm at work
  work #2
 andrea: ugh
  i'm at home
 home #2
 me: ha, which one is #2?
 andrea: yellow
  le sigh
 me: ah yes
 andrea: i'm making a totally sweet pom pom necklace though
me: hotness
  like literally, it will keep you warm
andrea: yes!
yes! done!
  it's my fave
  its like a fancy cat toy that you wear
 me: you should lace it with catnip
andrea: no no no

Wednesday, September 15, 2010

Mona Lisa Gaga

This has been on my mind ever since I watched My Cousin Vinny last week.  Don't Marisa Tomei's outfits as Mona Lisa Vito look suspiciously like Lady Gaga's?  I'm sensing some mutual inspiration:




OK, so Ms. Germanotta is taking it to another level, but the spirit is there, right?    If I had bonanza amounts of money and no shame, I would totally blow Mona Lisa Vito outfits out of the water too.  I wish I could pull off this one in particular (best photo I could dig up, sadly): 

It's a floral one-piece jumpsuit thing!  With a big cutout in the back!  And she's wearing it with heeled booties!  At a CABIN in the WOODS!!!  Get on this, Gaga!

Lady Vito makes me really want to bleach one strand of hair by my ear and then backcomb and Rave the crap out of it.

Tuesday, September 14, 2010

The Weekly Widget and Sassoon: the best of the best

Yesterday (OK, technically two days ago because I'm posting this late a-GAIN) was Andrea's birthday and because I am a broke lamepants, all I did to commemorate the day was send her a hip ecard.  There will be more belated celebration at the end of this month (I think??  I hope???), but I still feel like I didn't give the day enough huzzahs.  Hopefully this selection of quality Andrea quotes will make us all (primarily me) feel better.

  i'm trying to eat healthier, not eat weirder andrea: DAMN YOU
  you're making me look bad in front of my internet audience of three!
  one of whom is you!  andrea:
 i want a million dollars
  and a nice dinner
  and a martini
  right now.  andrea: oh yeah
 i just had a dream that wee were in a bookstore, stuffing our faces, and looking through clearance bins of handmade stuffed animals and binders, and rubber shoe covers for babies
  they had baby names printed on the sides
 and there was a sale on sheer bra straps to wear as sunglasses  andrea: my computer is a stupid jerkdick  andrea: seriously, how hard is it to eat when i'm holding the food in front of your face on a spoon?
  just open your
  i'm not asking you to lift a truck over your head  andrea: i just jimble jambled over to h&m and spent more money
  i'm firing myself from life  andrea: you IDIOT
  if you lived with me, you'd never have that problem
  you'd be drinking questionable old wine and laughing your ass off at dvr'd lady stand up  andrea: ...
  and then I ate a hot pocket.
  Morales, out.


Tuesday, September 07, 2010

The Weekly Widget and Sassoon: carrier pigeons are the new hover boards

If I had remembered it was Monday, I would have written this hours ago.  But instead I slept until 2:45pm, did some irresponsible shopping, and then got drunk on red wine and watched My Cousin Vinny.  Have I mentioned I'm pretty much unemployed?

andrea: oh my GAWD, go get me a sandwich
 me: ok it's on it's way
  but i'm poor so i had to send it via carrier pigeon
  so... it might be soggy
  or.... eaten by the pigeon
 andrea: crappers

Thursday, September 02, 2010

Livin' the dream

It's real.  It's my first day of being mostly-unemployed where I have absolutely nothing to do.  Actually my first "official" day as a free woman was last Friday and I celebrated by sleeping in and eventually eating a ginormous brunch at around 3pm while watching Working Girl on HBO.  Oh, the irony!

But today... it feels strange to have no plans.  Well, I do have some plans to go to a dance class and then maybe a UCB show tonight, but the daytime is wide open.  I'm realizing "oh yeah, this is that time I said I was going to use to find a new job."  Or at least "be productive." 

To my credit, I did get up at 9am and took a shower, put on real clothes, and got out of the house.  I went to the nearest Starbucks - mainly for free AC and wireless, but also so I could get "focused."  (I'm throwing a lot of quotation marks around, I know - imagine them as obnoxious air quotes.)

I came in with the intention of writing... stuff.  I was at least going to put together some stuff for the upcoming Moth slams, but I got halfway through a story and stalled.  So now I'm the cliche unemployed "artist" sitting in a New York City Starbucks with writer's block.  But blogging counts as productivity, right?

At least you can probably expect more blogging from me as I continue to procrastinate adult responsibilities.  And more of this:

Good god, someone please give me a writing assignment.

Wednesday, September 01, 2010


Thanks to the tiny bit of news I actually read, I've learned that New York City - and apparently the state as a whole - is finally starting to crack down on reckless drivers who hit pedestrians.  This article I just read focuses on a girl who was hit when she was a toddler which led her mother to get all aggressive with some lobbyists:
Two weeks ago, Gov. David A. Paterson signed a bill declaring that drivers who flout traffic laws and seriously injure pedestrians in the process can lose their license for six months or, if it is a repeat offense, one year. It is known as Elle’s Law.
I definitely came away luckier than this girl (although who knows - maybe when she's 26 she'll just have some cool scars and wonky joints too), but this feels like a teensy bit of satisfaction.