Goodbye

It's official. I'm calling it. This blog is done.

Now now, don't cry, I have a new blog attached to a whole real website here. Check it out. Visit me all the time and we can keep up the fun.

Except I should probably stop eating so much frosting.

Goodbye, youth. It's been real.

Love,

Molly

One hundred years ago is a long time ago

Man, shit was really understated in 1912:

What about "Gigantic Ship Called Unsinkable Actually Sinks" and/or "Thank the Good Lord We Still Have Seven Years Until Prohibition"?

Which reminds me - I'm trying to come up with a drinking game for your Titanic in 3D viewing pleasure.  Stay tuned.

What?  Too soon?  How old are you??

Five years

OH HI.

So: as of today I have officially lived in New York City for five whole years and, for some reason, the occasion made want to revisit this long-forgotten little blog.  Also, I saw that Google automatically shows visitor stats now and apparently I am still getting DAILY page views here.  I mean, we're talking like, two or three readers daily but STILL.  I feel guilty now.  What if it's the same two or three people revisiting every day, desperately hoping I've gone to another Jens Lekman show or eaten too many cupcakes again, only to find that same old post from October??  Sorry, reader(s).  I also realized I need to finally pay Flickr so that photostream shows up again too.  Whoops.

Anyway, here's a glimpse of what's been going on in the last six months:

Wild!

I've also been working 1.5 jobs, writing movie articles for Sketch Tiger, making half-hearted attempts at open mic storytelling, buying grown-up clothes, and making a number of questionable choices under the influence of whiskey. 

I'll be honest: I'm in kind of a creative rut right now.  I want to write awesome things and perform awesome things and make some non-depressing collages and learn to play the drums, but I can't seem to get started in any direction.  Instead I'm listening to a lot of Jens and old Wilco and painting my nails and reading magazines and grumbling about teenagers.  I told this to my mom today and she said "don't let those bad people in your house," by which I think she meant "don't let negative energy in your head" although I'm also going to double check all my locks.  She's right, but mostly I just need any energy.

Hopefully I can get back on track with this blog.  In the meantime, send me a project.  Clearly I've been spending too much energy perfecting my sassy sunglasses face.

ALIVE... AGAIN

I'm five years alive today.  Thanks, body!  Now let's go be alive... and drink some blood....

I've got love for you if you were watching TV in the 90s

Anyone else want to feel like they're nine years old again?



I mean.... shit.  There is so much nostalgia packed into those three minutes and forty one seconds that I had to re-assess my surroundings after I watched it because I thought I might actually be sitting on my purple beanbag in my old living room on a Saturday morning.  I would kill to be wearing Melissa Joan Hart's polka-dot headband and eating Cookie Crisp right now.

Also: how is it that I always forget to bring the trash outside on trash day but I can still sing the entire Animaniacs theme song?  I weep for my generation.

Future, present, past

I can only hope to be as cool as these ladies when I hit retirement age:


(via Bust)

I don't necessarily love their exact style choices, but I do love their I-don't-give-a-shit attitude.  Iris Apfel is totally right: dressing up should be an "exercise in creativity" and a way to express how you're feeling each day.  I don't have the dream wardrobe that allows me to wear exactly what I dream about wearing each day (YET), but I am trying to make more of an effort towards really wearing OUTFITS.  Luckily, I already dress like an old lady pretty often so the transition into senior citzenry should be a cinch.

Speaking of dressing up, oh yeah, Andrea and I went to London!  And wore a bunch of outfits and did cool stuff! 

I promise I will blog the highlights real soon.  Reallll soooooooon.

Oh, and just to give myself something else to procrastinate, I started another blog on Tumblr called Everything was awesome back then.  It's about my obsessions with a past that I was never a part of.  DUH.

Let's procrastinate!

Looking for a great way to put off doing something productive and possibly expand your never-ending Netflix queue?  Watch 50 awesome opening title sequences!  This IFC list is proving to be a very effective way to avoid rewriting sketches right now.  I'm still working my way through, but so far #50 holds the most nostalgic place in my heart:



Makes me feel a little weird to know that Patricia Quinn was essentially in black face though. 

Oh God I'm still alive

Andrea recently posted this on her Tumblr, but I have to steal it and re-blog it here because HOLY SHIT I think I choreographed this in my past life:


Or maybe I was one of those backup dancers in a past life.  Also: hot nails, David.

The Weekly Widget and Sassoon: dreams do come true

On days when I am feeling directionless and questioning my life choices, I like to try and remember how far I've come.  Sure, I'm slowly eating through my savings account, spending late nights watching cartoons and drinking whiskey, and my bedroom is covered in piles of mail and clothing BUT at least I'm not still job searching, right??

And I'm thinking positively for Andrea, too.  Sure, it sucks that she spends most days hanging out with a toddler and her closet doesn't hold all of her clothes BUT at least she has an iPhone!  See?  Things aren't so bad, people!  Unless you're reading this over someone's shoulder in a Starbucks because you're homeless.  That is bad.

me:i'm pretty sure i'm not getting that BAM job and it's killing my spirit

andrea: why? did the interview go badly?

 me: not terribly, but i haven't heard a peep from them and the interview was last monday

 i have a feeling they think i'm underqualified

 andrea: underqualified?

  that's boo hockey

 me: ha! boo hockey!

  yeah, i guess, but i keep thinking of other things i could have thrown into the interview that i didn't

  poo

 i'm sure they're interviewing a ton of people though

 andrea: yeah, a week ago is not that long

 did they give you a time frame for hiring at all?

 me: they said as soon as possible

  and the original ad said mid-august :(

 andrea: lame

 everyone's lame

  were the two best people for everything and noone wants to help us

  everyone's a JERK

 me: i KNOW!

 jerkface america!

 andrea: jerkface WORLD

  i just want a place to LIVE

  I want a JOB

  i want the world to stop making me TYPE IN CAPS

me: HATE IT!andrea: ugh. i just want an iphone and some new boots

Actually, Andrea probably does still want some new boots.

The Weekly Widget and Sassoon: Facebook school

I have a love-hate relationship with Facebook.  The pros include inviting many people at once to events when I don't want to use a phone, updating my status with pretentious song lyrics, and - of course - stalking people from high school.  The cons, however, are just as numerous: getting tagged in awful photos, people babbling about virtual farm animals, and... ok, people updating their statuses with pretentious song lyrics.  But BAD ones!  Blergh.  I feel like an old person in a rocking chair when I tell people how I long for the days when Facebook was just for college students to track down that dude from Geology class and post hilarious photos from the dorm.

For now I'm still neutral about Facebook, but it seems to be a trend among some of my friends to quit altogether and delete their accounts.  Is this the new cool thing to do?  Subvert the standard?  Drea seems to think so.

me: ummmm did jamien have a baby??

 andrea: i know she was preggers

  maybe she popped

  why?

  is facebook telling you tales?

 me: yup

  i'm inviting people to something so can't click on her profile yet, but i noticed her photo was a baby

  i had no idea she was knocked up

 man, i HATE that

  you are not your baby!

  don't make your photo of your kid!

 andrea: I KNOW

  people are so stupid

 me: although i also just noticed that my friend joel changed his photo to lindsay lohan's mugshot

  he wins

 andrea: i win

me: no, you can't win if you forfeit the game

  LADY

 andrea: no, that's the secret

  that's how you win at facebook

 me: whatevs

 be all too-cool-for-school

andrea: I've always been too cool for school

  duh

  duh

  duh

Well DUH right back at you because if it weren't for Facebook, we wouldn't have Lamebook.  Also, I wouldn't have found this old gem:

Thanks, Mr. Zuckerberg, for keeping my drunk-in-public moments precious.

You can feel it, people feel it, rhythm rhythm

It's my four-year Alive Day today.  I'm celebrating by drinking Amstel Lights and endlessly doing the running man to this:


Go be alive!

I still need a good DJ name

I've been looking for a way to share music on this blog through some way other than embedding YouTube videos.  Ideally, I want to share entire mixes, but I'm old and bumbling when it comes to these things so I haven't quite figured out how to upload my sweet collections and then pack them into a neato zip file for you fine people to download.

Until I school myself, I'm going to play around with 8tracks.  I discovered it through Style Rookie (man, she's been all over my laptop this week) and it seems pretty easy to build a mix and embed it here.  The database of music selections is a little scattered and you can't download anything, but at least you can listen to my hot tunes while you drink whiskey or refinish your cabinets or color-code your Excel file or whatever.

I got lazy for my first mix and followed the suggestion of the site by making an 8tracks "debut" mix, with these very specific eight tracks:

1. A song from 2010 I love
2. A song everyone on 8tracks should hear
3. A song that reminds me of high school
4. A song from the year I was born
5. A song from a band I LOVE
6. A song I can sing along to
7. A song about my city / state
8. A top 40 song I hate to admit I like

Artwork is the 1st result of this image search: my first pet's name (Eponine) + the street I grew up on (Mountain View Road)

That's not to say I didn't spend some intense brain time on these because I sure did.  Painstaking.

Enjoy.  Better mixes soon to come...

Maybe I CAN draw

I recently unearthed an old flash drive and found a couple gems that I can't resist shoving in your faces.

A long long time ago (late summer 2007, perhaps?), I had to go to an all-day payroll system training with my boss.  It was the kind of corporate drudgery that I hope I never again have to go through for any job.  I eventually took over the task of processing the weekly payroll, but it's amazing that I learned anything that day.  Not only did we have a nice beer lunch, but I spent most of the training session making Microsoft Paint drawings:

The first one especially is a nerdy, inside joke to other ADP PayExpert users, but hopefully you can at least appreciate my fine art skills.

The Weekly Widget and Sassoon: LIBRARY PARTY!

I've had this amazing idea for a theme party kicking around in my head for a few years now: The Library Party.

First of all, in my ideal world, all parties would be theme parties.  And by theme parties I mean themed everything: appropriate music, kitschy food and drinks, and guests must arrive in costume. Almost all parties I went to in college were theme parties, but in retrospect that may have been because we were nerdy theatre kids. 

Yes, I know how photogenic I am, please hold your gasps.

But still: what is it about reaching a certain age that makes it uncool to get dressed up and meticulously plan for a theme party?  Why does it only have to be OK on Halloween?

That's why my dream theme party is the Library Party.  I think it would attract both people like me who are freaks about costume parties and the more wary people who would only like to put on a crazy tie.  The idea would be that everyone has to arrive dressed as either a character from a book or a famous author.  PLUS, every guest would have to bring a book or two that they don't want and would swap with others at the party.  There would of course also be literary-themed drinks and snacks and music.  If I got my act together, I would even sent out real snail-mail invites printed on old library cards.  Really though, the best part would be the chance for a bunch of pretentious nerds to get drunk and talk books and then dance together - right??

The one thing holding me back is my fear that I don't know enough nerds who would actually get on board and show up.  What if Andrea was the only guest??  All we'd do is wear fake beards and eat mango and dance!

andrea: i love mango

  if I wasn't so full right now, I would want mango real bad

  http://www.outofprintclothing.com/Shop_a/152.htm

 me: i went through a big mango phase a few years ago and then kinda forgot about them

 oh yeah i've seen those somewhere before, on daily candy or something

  i love a good book nerd shirt

 andrea: me too!

 me: man, one of these days i am really throwing a library party and it's going to KILL

andrea: dude. fall

  do it for the start of fall

  AAAAAAASAHHHHHH

 me: YES

trouble is, i can't find enough nerds who are into it

 andrea: are you kidding?

  you know tons of THEATRE people

  and improv nerds

  recruit

  RECRUIT

  who will I be?!

  oh nooooooo!!!!1

 me: yeah, maybe i'll start spreading the word during del close marathon next weekend

  yeah, that would be my biggest problem - finding the best costume ever

 maybe i'll surprise everyone and be fucking MARK TWAIN!

 andrea: yeeeeeeessss

 this is so hard

  i'm staring off into space thinking about it

  i should have been thinking about this for years

 its like halloween pressure times twenty

 me: it's ok, there's time

  seeing as it won't happen until i get a big enough nerd posse

Whoops, I never did spread the word during DCM so consider this your official pre-invitation, nerd posse.

The Weekly Widget and Sassoon: oh yeah that happened

Remember when Andrea had two houses?  And I had two jobs?  And pom poms went on necklaces?  And... dancing and cats?  Ummm, I don't know what I'm talking about.  This happened a long time ago:

andrea: boo

 me: boo HOOOO

  boo WHO?

  boo YOU

 andrea: boo me~

  i meant!

  what are you up to?

  if you were here we'd be dancing

 me: totally

  i'm at work

  work #2

 andrea: ugh

  i'm at home

 home #2

 me: ha, which one is #2?

 andrea: yellow

  le sigh

 me: ah yes

 andrea: i'm making a totally sweet pom pom necklace though

me: hotness

  like literally, it will keep you warm

andrea: yes!

yes! done!

  it's my fave

  its like a fancy cat toy that you wear

  !

 me: you should lace it with catnip

andrea: no no no

The Weekly Widget and Sassoon: the future

As of this moment, I only have a little more than three days left as a full-timer at CAP21.  Amazing.  People keep asking me where I'm going and what my plans are and I keep giving vague answers like "I'm pursuing a number of options" and "somewhere... that's not... here".  Truth is: I have no idea.  Also truth: I'm psyched about it. 

I mean, I do have plans to find something new, for sure.  At this point though, I just want any job that doesn't make me want to hide in bathroom and bang my head against the stall door all day.  If that something can also give me a salary and insurance, even better.  I'm lucky enough to have some money to float on for awhile if I need to, though, so it wouldn't hurt to use this bit of free time to re-examine what I might want to do with my life.  Like finally start that drums-and-tambourine band with Andrea:

me: aw yeah, fashion plates!

 my friend sophie had a ton of those and i was so jealous

 what were sweet secrets?

andrea: they were these little dolls that folded into like weird compact things

  but the best part was all their furniture which folded out of accessories

 so like, there was a brush that turned into a car

  http://www.crowncombo.com/articles/2006/047_sweet/playsets.jpg

me: whoaaa weird

  they have weirdo torsos

 andrea: they have jeweled torsos

 you should be so lucky

 me: they're like girly transformers

  also, i'm starting a band called hairdryer patio

 andrea: oh my god, totally off topic, my sweet tooth will not quit

  i want like, a tube of cinnamon rolls right now

  also, hairdryer patio, yes

  i'm on drums

 me: ok fine

  but i get to tambourine

  and that's it - drums and tambourine

 andrea: god we rule

 me: we sure do

  oh, and we'll have really high pitched vocals

  like, fake opera

 andrea: WIN

  i'm not touring though

  we can do one offs

  i say we only tour when we need a vacation

  and even then we'll play like one show and relax the rest of the time

 we'll send out a bulletin, "just some meet us at the bar and we'll sing all high pitchy for you while you buy us g &t's"

Hairdryer Patio: keepin' it real.  Brace yourself for some amazing merch. 

(Oh, and by the way: wanting to eat a tube of cinnamon rolls is never off-topic and is in fact relevant to any conversation.)

Belated

Crap, I did it again.  I forgot all about my very important Five Year Blogiversary!  It was officially last Saturday, but apparently I was actually out doing stuff and being all social on that day (and since then) that I haven't had time to catch up - go me!

Someday when I am a Big Important Blog, maybe I'll give away prizes and such when I hit seemingly important milestones, but until then, you'll just have to look at this and pretend you ate one too:

That adorable red velvet cupcake looks like it's saying "Happy Fifth Birthday, Cukr Kazdy Den!" right?  (Actually, it's saying "Happy Belated Birthday, Co-Worker Kenneth, I said I was going to make you cupcakes like a whole effing month and a half ago so here they are, sorry" but... use your imagination.)

Man, when I turned five, I think my mom made me a cake shaped like a clown and my dad did magic tricks for me and my party guests on our front porch - what happened to those days?

The Weekly Widget and Sassoon: She's (we's) crafty

Andrea rolls back into town in just 4 days and I'm psyched out of my brains.  I think I should run out and buy puff paint just in case arts-and-crafts hour really happens this time.  Oh man, to think of all the hand-decorated clothes I rocked 15 or so years ago and then so carelessly gave away with no whim that I could have worn it all again in an acceptable, ironic, fashionable way!

me: i think we should play with puff paint when i visit

  let's puff paint an entire sock

 andrea: ha!

  just one?

 me: um.... yah

 then you have to wear a completely normal, blank sock with it

 andrea: awesome

 me: i'm creative like that

  i remember when i was like 8 or 9 my friend had her birthday party at a craft store and we puff-painted t-shirts

i think i made a picture of a crazy person

  i would kill to have that now

  oh!

 andrea: that's amazing

 me: and i had a pink sweatshirt that i puff painted too!

  man

 andrea: i just wrote my name over and over with like, rainbows when we did that at my birthday

 me: ha

And yeah, I'd TOTALLY wear a shirt covered with Andreas and rainbows too, just in case you were curious.

The Weekly Widget and Sassoon: this just in!

I was totally about to post a real lazy, cop-out Widget and Sassoon about sending Andrea a sandwich via carrier pigeon, but then we had a better conversation right THIS very moment.  Eat it up:

andrea: too. much. real. housewives.

 me: clueless. on. HBO.

 andrea: oh MAN

  I WISH

  YOU WIN

  i'm so jealous

 me: it JUST started too, which means i'm never going to bed

  poor dead brittany murphy :(

 andrea: so mad

  oh shit, you just took it there

 me: yup

Also, I totally forgot Jeremy Sisto cameos in this as that creepster "snob-and-a-half" Elton!  What!

Yup.  Watching this all night and then waking up and wearing a headband.

I am also re-reading my high school yearbook...

In yet another perfect link between my inspired reflections on the media of my youth and Flavorwire, they've discovered what happened to all our favorite '90s grunge bands!

So crazy that I just (ok, like a month ago) posted about that creepy Toadies song I found on my old mixtape and Flavorwire was all "oh hey, the Toadies, what the crap happened to them?"  SAME BRAIN, Flavorwire!  Why don't you just hire me already, people?  (Please??)  I'm weeks ahead of you on this re-living-1996 game.

By the way, here's the actual 7th Grade Mix Tape (evidence of the lame beginnings of my obsession with collage):

Precious.