It's OK - just keep making crap!

Thank you, Ira Glass, for making me feel much better about my perpetual creative frustration:


(via Kottke)

OK, well, guess I'm off to finish those four beginnings-of-sketches I've been grimacing at...

Please, please - hold your applause

 
OH HI.  Nice to see you again.

I've been trying to write a post for weeks now but couldn't seem to finish anything until tonight.  I know: how hard is it for me to blather some self-indulgent nonsense and hit publish?  Really not that hard.  I'm going to skip all the bullshit excuses though - sometimes I'm just uninspired and need a break.  Cool?  Cool.  So let's get back to things:

Here's what you need to know about my life since my last post:

- I actually got to see Jens Lekman!

I got a ticket at the last minute and it was so beautiful that I maybe got teary-eyed with joy.  OK, I was sleepy and full of Dayquil, but still - the show was in such an intimate space that I was only about ten feet away from Jens AND he played "Kanske är jag kär i dig," which is perhaps the best song in the world.  You should check out this Brooklyn Vegan post about the show because there are more great photos and I should cut down on the amount of Jens-obsessing I do here.

(Oh: but OF COURSE I bought one of these key necklaces.)
 
- I'm working a lot... although still not enough to stop me stealing money from my savings.  I'm either going to need to get a second part time job or quit the whole shebang and get another full time job.  Or I need to track down a rich philanthropist who wants to pay me to ghostwrite his/her blog while funding my European travels (fingers crossed for that one!).

- I'm writing and performing sketch comedy with my new group The Fantashticks.  Maybe someday we'll get our shit together and have a website!

- I celebrated Christmas by working nine hours on minimal sleep, somberly smoking a joint alone out my window, and then getting wasted on whiskey and cider.  Thanks, Santa, for the gift of reality!  Really though: it wasn't all that bad.  Andrea came to town (and got snowbound in my apartment) and a super awesome someone gave me a turntable(!!).

- My hair's getting pretty damn long.  I can't wait until it's long enough to recreate the gigantic side ponytail I had in my kindergarten class photo.

- I've been watching lots of Mr. Show.  Pit-Pat!

- I think Enter The Void was the best movie I saw in all of 2010.  Take THAT Black Swan! (Although... uh... I still haven't seen Black Swan.)  If you can still catch it somewhere on the big screen, do it, but schedule time for a long walk and a stiff drink after.

SO.  Yes.  Things are pretty swell right now.  I mean, sure: I'm dreading waking up at 6am tomorrow to go work for the man for nine hours and I'm also thinking it was probably a bad idea to drink that beer and then eat that ice cream and then do sit-ups right before bed but still... things have been worse.  I'm even working on a wintery iTunes playlist that's not full of Joy Division and Interpol!

Happy February, lovers.  It's good to be back.

Maybe I CAN draw

I recently unearthed an old flash drive and found a couple gems that I can't resist shoving in your faces.

A long long time ago (late summer 2007, perhaps?), I had to go to an all-day payroll system training with my boss.  It was the kind of corporate drudgery that I hope I never again have to go through for any job.  I eventually took over the task of processing the weekly payroll, but it's amazing that I learned anything that day.  Not only did we have a nice beer lunch, but I spent most of the training session making Microsoft Paint drawings:

The first one especially is a nerdy, inside joke to other ADP PayExpert users, but hopefully you can at least appreciate my fine art skills.

DCM 12: Let's rock this rodeo

Today is day one of the Del Close Marathon at UCB and I am PUMPED.  It's weird - at this time last year I was even more inside the UCB bubble than I am now.  I was interning, taking classes, and seeing shows all the time.  Now, with my team on an indefinite hiatus (tears!) and my internship done, I haven't been to any shows in a long long time and I feel totally out of the loop.  Still, maybe I'll have a different sort of love and appreciation for everything now that I'm coming at it from the "outside."

I did pass Matt Besser on the street yesterday and my improv nerd radar went off like WHOA.  I think I'm ready.  Plus I'm working a box office shift that starts tonight and goes into the wee hours of the morning so that should get me back on the wagon pretty fast.  Man, I'm sucking at analogies right now.

Whatever.  Watch this:

Upright Citizens Brigade
Shut UP!
www.comedycentral.com
Roast of David Hasselhoff Big Lake It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia

The Weekly Widget and Sassoon: the cooking show edition

I just ran into my friend/neighbor/co-worker/partner-in-bad-pun-making Michael at the grocery store.  I surprised him by holding a jar of the finest salsa in front of his head until he looked at it.  Then we had a conversation that went something like this:

Me: "I need Drano and celery"

Michael: "I need water and beer"

Long pause...

Michael: "This is sad... OK bye!"

And then I went home to eat vegetables and hummus and salsa and Triscuits and beer (I bought more than I intended... damn impulse buys) which I am still consuming while listening to the amazing new Books album.  If only Andrea was online to make funnies and coach me through cooking something awesome, maybe I wouldn't be feeling like such a lazy butt right now.

andrea:

so i just went to this bbq and drank a bunch of jam wine

and now i'm soooo sleepy

  and its ten

  i rule

plus, i can't reach the lamp from my bed here, so i'm just here in the dark talking to you and watching weeds

 me: ha!

  i'm still listening to old mixtapes

  and about to cook a bunch of stuff for the week

  like... rice? i guess?

meh

 andrea: mix herbs in with it and make green rice!

  delicious

  cooking for the weekissmart

  i'm waaaaay too tired for that

me: it's more motivating when i'm the only one home and can blast music while i do it

andrea: yeah, i think my roommate is cookingfor the week right now actually

  roommatesmakeme uncomfortable

  iwantadog

and for my space bar to stop acting like an idiot

 me: ha!

  i just read that as if you were mumbling it really fast

also, you're a genius, i'm totally making cilantro-scallion rice

 andrea: boom

  doesn't that sound so much more exciting than regular rice?

  zesty!

me: totes

 andrea: squirt some lime juice in there

  ole!

me: oooh i actually have the end of a lime to use up!

 andrea: i am a genius

 me: also: what a good reason to have a shot of tequila!

 andrea: yes!

  teamwork!

  blue sky solutioneering!

 me: haaaa

ooops.... moldy lime :(

 andrea: lame!

  lame lime

  HA

 me: HAAAA i was just going to write that!

Live from New York, it's... Wednesday!

It is so weird to not be at UCB right now.  My internship ended last Wednesday and now I don't know what to do with myself.  I've been an intern since last JULY, you guys!  I was lucky to be stationed at the Training Center through December, but still got to put in a solid five months of yelling at crowds and picking up beer bottles at the theater.  But I'm a little sad that I'm not holding the Bucket of Truth and watching the last bits of School Night right now.  :( :( :(

But who are we kidding - I AM super glad that I'm sitting here eating pudding and wearing my velour pants right now and not about to drag a wine-soaked trash bag through the wet Gristede's basement.

I feel like I should say something more profound, but I'll just leave you with this:

Ahhh, if only he really was.

The Weekly Widget and Sassoon: rambling associations

I just got home from a pretty rough set at the Creek.  Well, to be fair, I had two sets: the first was group improvised storytelling and awesome, the second was group improvised... improv... and... well, we've had better days.  I love my fellow Goats, but the only word I could use to describe our set with was "yoinks."  Like: goofy, but weird, but... ouch.  You get me?  It's OK though - I'm confident we can turn it around because we all love karaoke and we have high-five parties like no one's business.

So on the train home I was remembering that I had to do Weekly Widget and Sassoon and immediately made big plans: get in the door, change into the really-old-but-comfy sweatshorts, reheat an amalgam mixture of leftovers, and talk about this:

That's right, a bag.  But not just any bag - the bag of all bags.  I think our bud Rebecca originally bought this 10 or so years ago from the Gap and it got passed around amongst the three of us like a cheap bottle of champange (quickly and frequently).  I specifically remember Andrea giving it to me en route to the bathroom at VPB many a time so I could steal toilet paper for her.  And then it got passed down to me.  (Or... I stole it and never gave it back... something like that.)

This bag was not only amazing for it's history, but it's valuable features:
 1) Size - huge enough to fit not just my laptop, but also a book and a magazine and a sandwich and a change of shoes and maybe some seltzer too.
2) Zipper top - especially important when you got stuck in the rain.
3) KEY HOLDER!  It had this little tab that you snapped your keys into so you didn't have to fish around for them when you were drunkenly trying to get into your apartment at 3am and had to pee so bad that every second was crucial!

Well friends - I had to lay that poor bag to rest.  After years of dedication, one of the straps finally busted beyond repair and I had to throw it out.  But not before documenting it, of course.  Oh Gap bag, we hardly knew ye.

So then I remembered, oh hey, you know what this series is actually about?  Inane chatter that Drea and I do on the internets.  And I dug up this gem:

andrea:

brb, shower

 molly: yeah, stinkface

 andrea: shut it

  i'm mclean

  CLEAN

molly: McClean?

  Lady McCleanface?

  a mcdonald's sandwich made of soap?

andrea: yeah that's right

 molly: ick

andrea: no, i'm delicious

  like roses

  DELICIOUS ROSES

And then I thought of this:



And now I'm full of pasta and vegetables and chocolate chips and I'm exhausted.  Goodnight!  You've been a great crowd.