New bloggins!

Hey pals!  How's January treating you?  Terribly?  Well, have no fear 'cause Molly and Drea are here!  Go check out Red Wine and Fruit Hoops.  Yes, right now.

Yep, that's right, we be co-bloggin'.  Andrea had the swell idea for us to have a blog where we each post one photo a day as a way to not only tell the whole world what we're up to (because I KNOW how curious you are, settle down people), but also to keep up with ourselves and live vicariously through one another.  It's gonna be like the old Widget and Sassoon days!  But in visual form!  And with less hard-thinking involved (I hope)!

Check it every day.  Tell your friends.  Reblog.  And please send cake.

OK, for real this time

I present to you: London - a journey in photos

First night essentials:

Classic English breakfast - made even better by hashbrown triangles (err... even though I don't really seem to like eggs anymore):

Spitalfields Market:

Canned cocktails!

Art: 

Dancing times all the times:

Sally Lunn's bunzzzz - they're all the rage in Bath:

Creepy statues in Bath:

I. Love. This. Drink.

People in Bath live in style:

Booze bouquet!

THE END.  (Until I magically get a job that gives me a visa and lets me move back... let's all cross our fingers for that one.)

Widget and Sassoon: London adventure times!

I know, I know - I had that burst of energetic blogging and now I've stopped.  I'm gonna get back on the wagon though, I swear... soon.  For now I'm just popping in to say HOLY CRAP ANDREA AND I ARE IN LONDON.  We're in the midst of all sorts of shenanigans right now (canned cocktails, Jammie Dodgers, hot tunes, heart-print tights, pants-less dancing, etc.) so I'll have to post a full report when I get home and I'm all sad and broke.  Here's a sneak peak though:

My pocket's eatin' cheese cake!

The Weekly Widget and Sassoon: Andrea will name your pet

 

I am failing at Widget and Sassoon lately.  I keep coming very close to stopping altogether, but then I convince myself to keep going because 1) there are so many conversations I keep uncovering that must be shared with world and 2) it guarantees that I post something at least once a week AND 3) good god, if I can't keep up with a weekly themed blog post then how can I expect to keep up with my LIFE??

Anyway.

Maybe it will be a "Whenever I Feel Like It Widget and Sassoon" instead of "Weekly."  You know, throwin' surprises your way when you least expect it.  Postin' funnies.  Drinkin' drinks.

I'm sorry, guys.  I think I'm in a bad mood because I just came back from a New Pornographers show and Dan Bejar wasn't with them and it made me sad.  And then I checked my bank balance.  And then I had to put on two sweaters because it's fucking DECEMBER.

ANYWAY.  Pets:

andrea: there's a girl on this show called "beau"   which quite frankly, is a dog's name

  let's be real hereBeau=dog like Clara=cow and Sebastian=cat

On the positive side: I have enough peanut butter and gin to last me at least a week.  And by listening to Destroyer I can pretend I saw Dan Bejar.

The Weekly Widget and Sassoon: dreams do come true

On days when I am feeling directionless and questioning my life choices, I like to try and remember how far I've come.  Sure, I'm slowly eating through my savings account, spending late nights watching cartoons and drinking whiskey, and my bedroom is covered in piles of mail and clothing BUT at least I'm not still job searching, right??

And I'm thinking positively for Andrea, too.  Sure, it sucks that she spends most days hanging out with a toddler and her closet doesn't hold all of her clothes BUT at least she has an iPhone!  See?  Things aren't so bad, people!  Unless you're reading this over someone's shoulder in a Starbucks because you're homeless.  That is bad.

me:i'm pretty sure i'm not getting that BAM job and it's killing my spirit

andrea: why? did the interview go badly?

 me: not terribly, but i haven't heard a peep from them and the interview was last monday

 i have a feeling they think i'm underqualified

 andrea: underqualified?

  that's boo hockey

 me: ha! boo hockey!

  yeah, i guess, but i keep thinking of other things i could have thrown into the interview that i didn't

  poo

 i'm sure they're interviewing a ton of people though

 andrea: yeah, a week ago is not that long

 did they give you a time frame for hiring at all?

 me: they said as soon as possible

  and the original ad said mid-august :(

 andrea: lame

 everyone's lame

  were the two best people for everything and noone wants to help us

  everyone's a JERK

 me: i KNOW!

 jerkface america!

 andrea: jerkface WORLD

  i just want a place to LIVE

  I want a JOB

  i want the world to stop making me TYPE IN CAPS

me: HATE IT!andrea: ugh. i just want an iphone and some new boots

Actually, Andrea probably does still want some new boots.

The Weekly Widget and Sassoon: I'm drunk at Voooogue

I've had a lot of beers.  And I just made the the best improvised tofu-rancheros-inspired scramble ever.  And I'm still poor.  And I'm never getting off this couch.  Aaaaaand drug segue:

andrea: Dude, I woke up this morning with such a migraine I thought I might not be able to come this weekend

  It was draaaaaammmz

  But I'm all drugged up and i feel a babillion better now

  Boom

  Deugs

Drugs!

  Yes.

Oh and this:

The Weekly Widget and Sassoon: in YOUR face!

I am in the midst of another one of my semi-monthly goddam-I-overbooked-my-life freakouts so I'll let this one speak for itself while I continue to write drunk emails.  You're welcome!

andrea: i want a lollipop

  i want a cuuuupcake

  i want some COTTON CANDY

  in my faaaaaaaaaaaaaaaace

  ...

  ...

  did you like my song?

  i wrote it for you

 you're my inspiration

 me: not in your mouth? just rubbed all over your face? that's weird

  oh, well then

  it does sound like something i'd sing

 andrea: not ON my face

  IN my face

 me: in your pores?

andrea: no, in my mouthy part of face

  MOUTH FACE

 me: oohhhh wellllll thennnn

 andrea: yup yup yup

 win win win

  zing ziing zing

  ziiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiinnnnnnnng

The Weekly Widget and Sassoon: hip-unemployed-ster

See what I did there?  I stuck "unemployed" in the middle of the word "hipster"!  Get it?  "Hip-unemployed-ster"??  It's the caption for this hot photo:

I was originally posting it as an example of what my life has become now that I am officially, for real real, no joke, DONE with CAP21.  I declared on October 28 that I wasn't coming back and I have upheld the promise.  Now I'm spending lots of time hanging out in a big sweater that keeps my neck warm and drinking cheap beer.  But then I uploaded that photo and scoffed at myself.  Really, Molly?  A striped seventies mom sweater?  Bangs all up in your eyes?  Visible (albeit backwards) Jukebox the Ghost poster in the background?  PBR??  You hipster fuck.  (However: can we acknowledge how awesome that nail polish is?  It matches the can!!)

So... yeah.  Oops.  I'm keeping it there so you can scoff at what my life has become right along with me.  Let's consider it a caption contest.  If you can think of something better than "hip-unemployed-ster," you win a prize.  Probably something lazily homemade.

Maybe I'm just bitter because I never had a proper going-away party...

me: drunk

  at

  work

 andrea: You devil

 How are you getting drunk at work?

me: we just signed the lease for moving onto the 5th floor and had cake and champys

  and i pretended it was my going away party

 andrea: HAHAHAHAHAHA

  yes.

 me: so of course it was GREAT

PS: I still have all the office keys, CAP21.  If I return them can I get my soul back?

The Weekly Widget and Sassoon: Facebook school

I have a love-hate relationship with Facebook.  The pros include inviting many people at once to events when I don't want to use a phone, updating my status with pretentious song lyrics, and - of course - stalking people from high school.  The cons, however, are just as numerous: getting tagged in awful photos, people babbling about virtual farm animals, and... ok, people updating their statuses with pretentious song lyrics.  But BAD ones!  Blergh.  I feel like an old person in a rocking chair when I tell people how I long for the days when Facebook was just for college students to track down that dude from Geology class and post hilarious photos from the dorm.

For now I'm still neutral about Facebook, but it seems to be a trend among some of my friends to quit altogether and delete their accounts.  Is this the new cool thing to do?  Subvert the standard?  Drea seems to think so.

me: ummmm did jamien have a baby??

 andrea: i know she was preggers

  maybe she popped

  why?

  is facebook telling you tales?

 me: yup

  i'm inviting people to something so can't click on her profile yet, but i noticed her photo was a baby

  i had no idea she was knocked up

 man, i HATE that

  you are not your baby!

  don't make your photo of your kid!

 andrea: I KNOW

  people are so stupid

 me: although i also just noticed that my friend joel changed his photo to lindsay lohan's mugshot

  he wins

 andrea: i win

me: no, you can't win if you forfeit the game

  LADY

 andrea: no, that's the secret

  that's how you win at facebook

 me: whatevs

 be all too-cool-for-school

andrea: I've always been too cool for school

  duh

  duh

  duh

Well DUH right back at you because if it weren't for Facebook, we wouldn't have Lamebook.  Also, I wouldn't have found this old gem:

Thanks, Mr. Zuckerberg, for keeping my drunk-in-public moments precious.

The Weekly Widget and Sassoon: Mancassins!

I have to write a commercial parody for my sketch class so I'm using it as an excuse to sit on my couch and watch lots of bad TV to "research."  I can't turn away from  NeNe on Real Housewives of Atlanta stoned out of her mind on pain meds recovering from a ton of plastic surgery.  HILARIOUS.  NeNe is my fave.  I mean, this is her NOT stoned on pain meds so you can only imagine the joy that is happening right now:

I watch way too much Real Housewives of anywhere.  I'd watch Real Housewives of Topeka if it was on right now.  Too bad Project Runway isn't still on Bravo.  If I were watching that I could at least pretend that I'm learning things about... patterns... and... socks.

andrea: i'm watching old epis of project runway in bed while joe mixes loudly

me: PRO RUN

  word

 andrea: proj ruuuuun

 me: why the hell did they move it off bravo??

  so sad

 andrea: have you ever seen the fashion show?

  which is bravo's desperate attempt to save themselves after selling proj run...

 me: yes

  snooorrrre

 andrea: i have NO IDEA. it has always been their best show

  yes!

  its sooooooo booooooring

  and awful

  and lame

 me: no one can compete with tim gunn and heidi

 andrea: especially not fucking isaac mizrahi

 he's such a caricature of himself its like he's probably not even gay

 me: i know!

 andrea: he probably goes home to his secret wife and kids and chops wood

and why doesn't he ever wear socks?

  what the hell dude?! socks are good

 me: he doesn't?

 andrea: he's always wearing mancassins with no socks

 me: i mean, i don't love socks, but his feet must stiiink

  MANCASSINS!

The Weekly Widget and Sassoon: let's get some shoes

It's weird how having less income just makes me want to spend more of it.  I could really use these boots:

And this jacket-y cape:

And this turntable:

Oh yeah, and some fancy vodka.

andrea: i have one more purchase today, my booze

 me: yeah i think i'm actually buying some today too

  i earned it this week

 andrea: i'm gonna make jalapeno lime spritzers with tequila

 me: ooooh

 andrea: I just fuckin went nuts

 me: what do you add besides the spicy tequila?

 andrea: and i still want to do mani/pedi this weekend

  and buy espadrilles

  i have problems

 me: no no, you have styel

or.. style

  i don't know what styel is

  maybe a fancy vodka

 i'm going to the bank

  i'm going to call you so we can talk about shopping

 andrea: do

  it

Oh my god, SHOES!

The Weekly Widget and Sassoon: dreams and cocaine and egg sandwiches

I just started reading Carl Jung's Man and His Symbols and it's set me off on a kick of trying to dig into my subconscious.  I know, it sounds pretentious, but I had originally bought the book for some religion or sociology class in college and randomly rediscovered it a few days ago.  It's actually fairly easy to read and digest and I'm getting that nerdy rush of excitement that I haven't felt in awhile - LEARNING! (Excuse me while I push my glasses further up my nose and use my inhaler.)

Mr. Jung is teaching me that the symbols planted in our unconscious can arise in many forms other than dream forms, but I think dreams are still great examples of the crazy shit going on in my head.  This one is almost as good as Andrea's:

andrea: oh the day

  i just want to eat an egg sandwich and bake a bread

me: i am actually feeling an urge to write and paint and such, which i haven't felt for a long time

 i had an epic dream last night that i lived in an apartment building that was attached to a bar

  which was awesome until the landlord/bar owner made us sell cocaine from the bar in order to keep our apartments

  i was bad at it and someone tried to give me a ladle instead of money

 andrea: its like an episode of an hbo show

  i almost typed "hobo show"

 me: and i was all "hey! no! you owe me $40!"

  it was cheap coke

 andrea: that's right you big coke dealer, you GET your money

 me: i was bad at it

Maybe it's time to get back in the habit of writing down my dreams every morning.  If anything, it will help me rule out some bad career choices.

The Weekly Widget and Sassoon: deal with it

I'm fighting a cold and bitter that I still have to go into CAP21 tomorrow.  Someday I'll post about the actual fun stuff that Andrea and I did this weekend, but right now it's grouchy time only.

me: dang theatre people  andrea: ugh. i have no patience left

The Weekly Widget and Sassoon: LIBRARY PARTY!

I've had this amazing idea for a theme party kicking around in my head for a few years now: The Library Party.

First of all, in my ideal world, all parties would be theme parties.  And by theme parties I mean themed everything: appropriate music, kitschy food and drinks, and guests must arrive in costume. Almost all parties I went to in college were theme parties, but in retrospect that may have been because we were nerdy theatre kids. 

Yes, I know how photogenic I am, please hold your gasps.

But still: what is it about reaching a certain age that makes it uncool to get dressed up and meticulously plan for a theme party?  Why does it only have to be OK on Halloween?

That's why my dream theme party is the Library Party.  I think it would attract both people like me who are freaks about costume parties and the more wary people who would only like to put on a crazy tie.  The idea would be that everyone has to arrive dressed as either a character from a book or a famous author.  PLUS, every guest would have to bring a book or two that they don't want and would swap with others at the party.  There would of course also be literary-themed drinks and snacks and music.  If I got my act together, I would even sent out real snail-mail invites printed on old library cards.  Really though, the best part would be the chance for a bunch of pretentious nerds to get drunk and talk books and then dance together - right??

The one thing holding me back is my fear that I don't know enough nerds who would actually get on board and show up.  What if Andrea was the only guest??  All we'd do is wear fake beards and eat mango and dance!

andrea: i love mango

  if I wasn't so full right now, I would want mango real bad

  http://www.outofprintclothing.com/Shop_a/152.htm

 me: i went through a big mango phase a few years ago and then kinda forgot about them

 oh yeah i've seen those somewhere before, on daily candy or something

  i love a good book nerd shirt

 andrea: me too!

 me: man, one of these days i am really throwing a library party and it's going to KILL

andrea: dude. fall

  do it for the start of fall

  AAAAAAASAHHHHHH

 me: YES

trouble is, i can't find enough nerds who are into it

 andrea: are you kidding?

  you know tons of THEATRE people

  and improv nerds

  recruit

  RECRUIT

  who will I be?!

  oh nooooooo!!!!1

 me: yeah, maybe i'll start spreading the word during del close marathon next weekend

  yeah, that would be my biggest problem - finding the best costume ever

 maybe i'll surprise everyone and be fucking MARK TWAIN!

 andrea: yeeeeeeessss

 this is so hard

  i'm staring off into space thinking about it

  i should have been thinking about this for years

 its like halloween pressure times twenty

 me: it's ok, there's time

  seeing as it won't happen until i get a big enough nerd posse

Whoops, I never did spread the word during DCM so consider this your official pre-invitation, nerd posse.

The Weekly Widget and Sassoon: oh yeah that happened

Remember when Andrea had two houses?  And I had two jobs?  And pom poms went on necklaces?  And... dancing and cats?  Ummm, I don't know what I'm talking about.  This happened a long time ago:

andrea: boo

 me: boo HOOOO

  boo WHO?

  boo YOU

 andrea: boo me~

  i meant!

  what are you up to?

  if you were here we'd be dancing

 me: totally

  i'm at work

  work #2

 andrea: ugh

  i'm at home

 home #2

 me: ha, which one is #2?

 andrea: yellow

  le sigh

 me: ah yes

 andrea: i'm making a totally sweet pom pom necklace though

me: hotness

  like literally, it will keep you warm

andrea: yes!

yes! done!

  it's my fave

  its like a fancy cat toy that you wear

  !

 me: you should lace it with catnip

andrea: no no no

The Weekly Widget and Sassoon: the best of the best

Yesterday (OK, technically two days ago because I'm posting this late a-GAIN) was Andrea's birthday and because I am a broke lamepants, all I did to commemorate the day was send her a hip ecard.  There will be more belated celebration at the end of this month (I think??  I hope???), but I still feel like I didn't give the day enough huzzahs.  Hopefully this selection of quality Andrea quotes will make us all (primarily me) feel better.

andrea:

  i'm trying to eat healthier, not eat weirder andrea: DAMN YOU

  you're making me look bad in front of my internet audience of three!

  one of whom is you!  andrea:

 i want a million dollars

  and a nice dinner

  and a martini

  right now.  andrea: oh yeah

 i just had a dream that wee were in a bookstore, stuffing our faces, and looking through clearance bins of handmade stuffed animals and binders, and rubber shoe covers for babies

  they had baby names printed on the sides

 and there was a sale on sheer bra straps to wear as sunglasses  andrea: my computer is a stupid jerkdick  andrea: seriously, how hard is it to eat when i'm holding the food in front of your face on a spoon?

  just open your

mouth

  i'm not asking you to lift a truck over your head  andrea: i just jimble jambled over to h&m and spent more money

  i'm firing myself from life  andrea: you IDIOT

  if you lived with me, you'd never have that problem

  you'd be drinking questionable old wine and laughing your ass off at dvr'd lady stand up  andrea: ...

  and then I ate a hot pocket.

  Morales, out.

HUZZAH!

The Weekly Widget and Sassoon: carrier pigeons are the new hover boards

If I had remembered it was Monday, I would have written this hours ago.  But instead I slept until 2:45pm, did some irresponsible shopping, and then got drunk on red wine and watched My Cousin Vinny.  Have I mentioned I'm pretty much unemployed?

andrea: oh my GAWD, go get me a sandwich

  PLEASE

 me: ok it's on it's way

  but i'm poor so i had to send it via carrier pigeon

  so... it might be soggy

  or.... eaten by the pigeon

 andrea: crappers

The Weekly Widget and Sassoon: yes - long, but SO worth it

Confession: a few months ago I joined OkCupid, the free online dating site of broke desperate singles nationwide.  I originally signed up as a challenge as part of my Storytelling class at UCB; we were all assigned to do something "out of character" - our true character as a person, not a fake character - but the catch was that the rest of the class picked it for you.  Clearly, part of my "character" is my inability to pick up dudes... I guess it's more obvious than I thought.  ANYWAY.

I brushed it off at first as an embarrassing, horrifying task, but soon I actually got kind of obsessed with it.  There's something very gratifying about being able to brush off or hit on guys without it being in person and having to care about their reaction.  It helped that I realized many of my friends use or have used OkCupid or other dating sites and it's really nothing to be all secretive and embarrassed about - in fact, it's often hilarious and makes for more great stories.  Thanks, Storytelling 201!

As I seem to have regained confidence in picking up men on my own (thankyouverymuch), I'm kind of neutral about it now.  I still check it out when I get emails about matches because I'm curious what other nerds live in my area ("We found a match for you!  He likes 'Martin Scorcese'" - puh-lease internet robots, who doesn't??), but mostly, it's all about the hilarious messages.  I get a few creepy or odd messages from guys every now and then and I like to have a good laugh before I delete them.  Then I got two that put all the rest to shame.  Naturally, I immediately consulted Andrea.  Please enjoy:

me: ho

  ly

  shit

 andrea: what?

 me: this is the best ok cupid message i've gotten of all time

  (long, but worth it)

 Dear Molly :

Now I am manager of software department in a corporation in Beijing.
I am senior software analyst.

My hometown is Qingdao. It is a big city & seaport at east coast of China.
All my relatives are in Qingdao.

I am lonely in Beijing. So I need a girlfriend very much.

But fortunately, Beijing University gives me great happiness.

Besides my career, my best interest is study in Beijing University.

Beijing University is the best university in China.
She has an honourable fame in whole China.
Because Beijing University is in capital, & near central government,
so its information is more strong.

I am in a good environment of culture & information.

Every month, there are many aristocracies of intellect around me.
Every month, there are many conferences or forums in campus of Beijing University & Tsinghua University.

Many government officials, scholars, enterprisers, businessmen came from all over the world, take part in those meetings.

So I have many chance to meet those aristocracies in many fields.
I feel happy to meet them, because those meeting give me much light of wisdom. They open my mind & eyes.

My interest is wide. I attend many classes in several aspect: literature, history, philosophy, law, business, management, etc.

I love Beijing University very much.

I wish, in the future, I can invite you to visit Beijing University, & take some pictures in its campus.

Hongwu in Beijing

andrea: um...does he WORK for beijing university?

 me: oh my gosh, he sent me an earlier one too!

 andrea: does he want you to come to china and make out with beijing university while he watches?

 me: i guess so???

  i think he's a student

 holy shit, he's looking for an american wife and i fall in the desired height range

  Dear MollyCam , you are so lovely on picture.

Nice to meet you. How do you do ?

I am HongWu Xu in Beijing, China.

I am software engineer.
I study in Beijing University in spare time.
In Beijing University, there are some foreign students & scholars came from America and Europe.

Do you know something about China ?

If you are interested, I will send you some pictures about China & myself at once.
So you can understand something about China at first.
Please give me your email address.

My email address
xuhongwulove@gmail.com
xuhongwulove2@live.cn

On hotmail.com, I have instant messenger.
It's also called MSN. MSN is my basic instant messenger.
On MSN, my user name is
xuhongwulove2@live.cn

On Yahoo Messenger, my user name is
xuhowu@yahoo.com.cn

Are you interested to keep contact with me, and see what will happen
I am sincere and worthy gentleman, with a kind and tender heart.

I seek a wife whose height is between 5'4--5'8 (164cm -- 172cm)
I like to live with you in your side.

Hope to hear from you.

Hongwu in Beijing University, China

 "i like to live with you IN YOUR SIDE"

 andrea: he is a sincere and worthy gentleman

 me: he wants to burrow into me like an alien!!

 andrea: you should probs call him

 me: oh, for sure

  chinese sugar daddy

You guys: if any of you email him pretending to be me and get a response I will buy you a drink and then we can scheme on how to get him to wire us money.  Deal?  And yes, that photo is really him... HOTT.

The Weekly Widget and Sassoon: the future

As of this moment, I only have a little more than three days left as a full-timer at CAP21.  Amazing.  People keep asking me where I'm going and what my plans are and I keep giving vague answers like "I'm pursuing a number of options" and "somewhere... that's not... here".  Truth is: I have no idea.  Also truth: I'm psyched about it. 

I mean, I do have plans to find something new, for sure.  At this point though, I just want any job that doesn't make me want to hide in bathroom and bang my head against the stall door all day.  If that something can also give me a salary and insurance, even better.  I'm lucky enough to have some money to float on for awhile if I need to, though, so it wouldn't hurt to use this bit of free time to re-examine what I might want to do with my life.  Like finally start that drums-and-tambourine band with Andrea:

me: aw yeah, fashion plates!

 my friend sophie had a ton of those and i was so jealous

 what were sweet secrets?

andrea: they were these little dolls that folded into like weird compact things

  but the best part was all their furniture which folded out of accessories

 so like, there was a brush that turned into a car

  http://www.crowncombo.com/articles/2006/047_sweet/playsets.jpg

me: whoaaa weird

  they have weirdo torsos

 andrea: they have jeweled torsos

 you should be so lucky

 me: they're like girly transformers

  also, i'm starting a band called hairdryer patio

 andrea: oh my god, totally off topic, my sweet tooth will not quit

  i want like, a tube of cinnamon rolls right now

  also, hairdryer patio, yes

  i'm on drums

 me: ok fine

  but i get to tambourine

  and that's it - drums and tambourine

 andrea: god we rule

 me: we sure do

  oh, and we'll have really high pitched vocals

  like, fake opera

 andrea: WIN

  i'm not touring though

  we can do one offs

  i say we only tour when we need a vacation

  and even then we'll play like one show and relax the rest of the time

 we'll send out a bulletin, "just some meet us at the bar and we'll sing all high pitchy for you while you buy us g &t's"

Hairdryer Patio: keepin' it real.  Brace yourself for some amazing merch. 

(Oh, and by the way: wanting to eat a tube of cinnamon rolls is never off-topic and is in fact relevant to any conversation.)