The Weekly Widget and Sassoon: the best of the best

Yesterday (OK, technically two days ago because I'm posting this late a-GAIN) was Andrea's birthday and because I am a broke lamepants, all I did to commemorate the day was send her a hip ecard.  There will be more belated celebration at the end of this month (I think??  I hope???), but I still feel like I didn't give the day enough huzzahs.  Hopefully this selection of quality Andrea quotes will make us all (primarily me) feel better.

andrea:

  i'm trying to eat healthier, not eat weirder andrea: DAMN YOU

  you're making me look bad in front of my internet audience of three!

  one of whom is you!  andrea:

 i want a million dollars

  and a nice dinner

  and a martini

  right now.  andrea: oh yeah

 i just had a dream that wee were in a bookstore, stuffing our faces, and looking through clearance bins of handmade stuffed animals and binders, and rubber shoe covers for babies

  they had baby names printed on the sides

 and there was a sale on sheer bra straps to wear as sunglasses  andrea: my computer is a stupid jerkdick  andrea: seriously, how hard is it to eat when i'm holding the food in front of your face on a spoon?

  just open your

mouth

  i'm not asking you to lift a truck over your head  andrea: i just jimble jambled over to h&m and spent more money

  i'm firing myself from life  andrea: you IDIOT

  if you lived with me, you'd never have that problem

  you'd be drinking questionable old wine and laughing your ass off at dvr'd lady stand up  andrea: ...

  and then I ate a hot pocket.

  Morales, out.

HUZZAH!