New bloggins!

Hey pals!  How's January treating you?  Terribly?  Well, have no fear 'cause Molly and Drea are here!  Go check out Red Wine and Fruit Hoops.  Yes, right now.

Yep, that's right, we be co-bloggin'.  Andrea had the swell idea for us to have a blog where we each post one photo a day as a way to not only tell the whole world what we're up to (because I KNOW how curious you are, settle down people), but also to keep up with ourselves and live vicariously through one another.  It's gonna be like the old Widget and Sassoon days!  But in visual form!  And with less hard-thinking involved (I hope)!

Check it every day.  Tell your friends.  Reblog.  And please send cake.

John, I'm only drinking

David Bowie turns 66 on January 8th, 2013.  If I had any sense I would already be planning a theme party, since I seem to miss the window for it every year and then swear to throw one the following year.  Well, this year I've screwed it up again because on the 8th I will not even be home, but instead visiting my sister, her boyfriend, and their cat in their fancy new house in a fancy new town.  Not the best place to throw an impromptu Bowie Ball.  BUT maybe I can at least strong-arm them into mixing up a Bowie-themed cocktail or two?  I'm especially fond of this one:

Thanks Andrea, for letting me know this existed, and Flavorwire, for being super cool as always. 

Might I also suggest a "Sound and Vision" cocktail?  It would be blue curacao, gin, and Cool Blue Gatorade, garnished with Pop Rocks. "Blue, blue, electric bluuuue." Drink at your own risk.

I sure wish this was my 4th of July today, instead of going to work and then hiding out in a bar.  Yaaaaay America.

How to go to shows alone

I just got back from a Northside Festival show at McCarren Park with Beach Fossils, The Thermals, Jens Lekman, and Of Montreal.  Guess who I was most excited about seeing?  It was just as great as I hoped - maybe even a little greater thanks to a couple surprises (How did I not know that The Thermals have a kickass lady bassist?  Why did Jens Lekman have such an adorably tiny tambourine??)

I went by myself, which I've learned seems weird to some people.  Sure, it's partially because I'm an introvert at heart and I'm fine doing lots of things alone (there's probably some deep psychological reason for this, related to a childhood spent talking to myself, but let's not broach that topic here).  But it's also because I was tired of missing out: why should I skip doing something cool just because I have no one to go with me?  Balls.  I would rather do something cool alone than not do it at all.

I've pretty much got the show thing down to a science now so I thought, HEY, maybe if I share my own going-solo tips, someone else will feel empowered to pop their own going-to-shows-alone cherry!  Trust me, it's painless:

1. Don't arrive too early.  The hardest part to get used to is that lull before any bands start and you're just standing around.  Of course, now that we all have the internet in our pockets, it's easy enough to stare into the glow of your phone to kill time, but that's no fun either.  Unless you're there to see the opening act, plan to get there right when they've started playing.

2. Have a pee, get a drink, then stake out the best spot.  I like to wait until the band right before the one I want to see starts playing (the... runner-up?) then get a drink, because the bar is usually less crowded by that point.  Then I use the rest of the band's set to worm my way to the front.  Because, yes, I like to be in the very very front.  This is probably the best part of going to shows alone - standing wherever you goddam want to.  This also gives you extra time to scope out the crowd and try to move away from any obnoxious teenage girls talking too loudly and wearing cat-face makeup (FYI: I was not successful in doing this at McCarren Park).

3. Drunk text your friends.  Maybe you're still feeling lonely in between bands - it's OK!  Use that time to tell your BFF about that girl in front of you with the horrible tattoo or how there's a hot pink amp on the stage or how this dude looks like someone you went on a date with and maybe it's actually him or wait, no, maybe it's not him, never mind.  You can also be civil and just watch the band set up, but let's be real - you'll probably drunk text your friends.

4. Don't take photos or videos during the set.  Yeah, I said it.  OK, fine, FINE, let yourself take ONE photo of each set if you absolutely have to, but puh-lease don't spend the whole goddam show with your iPhone in the air recording a million shaky memories.  It's never going to be as good as experiencing it with your own eyes and ears.  Plus, Brooklyn Vegan or some other cool blog is going to post beautiful photos taken with beautiful cameras and you can just steal those.  I mean... reuse them as needed with the appropriate credits given.  Just listen to the music.  Let it sink into your bones.  Love it.

5. Dance like a fucking maniac if you want to.  This is really a rule for any life situation, but is especially applicable here since your friends aren't there to make you self-conscious and you don't know any of these people around you so fuck them.  I mean, be respectful of people's space and all that, but just DANCE.  If you're lucky, the other cool people will dance with you.

6. Leave whenever you want.  Maybe you're not a huge fan of the last band/song.  Or maybe you just really really need a sandwich.  Or maybe the teenager with the cat face keeps "accidentally" smash-dancing into you and you need to stop yourself from kicking her in the vag.  No big deal - you can leave.  You don't have to wait up for your friend who's chatting up the roadie or buying every piece of merch.  That said...

6.5. Stay as long as you want.  Maybe YOU want to buy every single piece of merch.  Or maybe you just want to have another drink while the crowd thins out.  Whatever you do, DO NOT attempt to talk to any band or artist unless you already know them personally or they approach you.  I'm serious - not even if you can see them right over there and they look so friendly.  (I should really write a companion piece to this called "Reasons You Should Never Talk to Your Heroes.")  Just go when it's time to go and spend your journey home replaying all the best moments in your head.  Eat your sandwich on the train if you want - it's OK because you're really fucking hungry and you earned it.

See?  Not that hard!  Tell me if my methods work for you and/or if you are a going-solo champ and you think I missed something.

(And to that girl with the cat-face paint who SAT ON THE GROUND during Jens' set: enjoy being sixteen while you can.  Soon you'll realize people aren't looking at you because your ripped-up tights look so cool, they just want you to please move.  I really hope the press got a picture of your dumb face with me looking surly behind you.)

And to Jens: you're the best.  Always.  Thanks for coming back to Brooklyn.

Love,
Molly

One hundred years ago is a long time ago

Man, shit was really understated in 1912:

What about "Gigantic Ship Called Unsinkable Actually Sinks" and/or "Thank the Good Lord We Still Have Seven Years Until Prohibition"?

Which reminds me - I'm trying to come up with a drinking game for your Titanic in 3D viewing pleasure.  Stay tuned.

What?  Too soon?  How old are you??

Five years

OH HI.

So: as of today I have officially lived in New York City for five whole years and, for some reason, the occasion made want to revisit this long-forgotten little blog.  Also, I saw that Google automatically shows visitor stats now and apparently I am still getting DAILY page views here.  I mean, we're talking like, two or three readers daily but STILL.  I feel guilty now.  What if it's the same two or three people revisiting every day, desperately hoping I've gone to another Jens Lekman show or eaten too many cupcakes again, only to find that same old post from October??  Sorry, reader(s).  I also realized I need to finally pay Flickr so that photostream shows up again too.  Whoops.

Anyway, here's a glimpse of what's been going on in the last six months:

Wild!

I've also been working 1.5 jobs, writing movie articles for Sketch Tiger, making half-hearted attempts at open mic storytelling, buying grown-up clothes, and making a number of questionable choices under the influence of whiskey. 

I'll be honest: I'm in kind of a creative rut right now.  I want to write awesome things and perform awesome things and make some non-depressing collages and learn to play the drums, but I can't seem to get started in any direction.  Instead I'm listening to a lot of Jens and old Wilco and painting my nails and reading magazines and grumbling about teenagers.  I told this to my mom today and she said "don't let those bad people in your house," by which I think she meant "don't let negative energy in your head" although I'm also going to double check all my locks.  She's right, but mostly I just need any energy.

Hopefully I can get back on track with this blog.  In the meantime, send me a project.  Clearly I've been spending too much energy perfecting my sassy sunglasses face.

I had a feeling I'd get along with the Fitzgeralds

Fancy a drink?  Fancy a drink that makes you feel like a famous literary figure?  Because I do.  Always.  I'm a little obsessed with Flavorwire's compilation of famous authors and their buzz of choice.  I want to try each of these every time I need to write something and see which one provides the best results.  Right now I'm drinking cheap gin and tonic, but maybe what I really need is a gin RICKEY!  (What the crap is that, anyway?  Oh... pretty much the same thing.)  Because apparently a gin rickey makes you the life of the party:

As legend has it, both F. Scott Fitzgerald and his wife Zelda were notorious lightweights, not to mention mischievous drunks. Fitzgerald claimed that he liked gin because no one could smell it on his breath – though we bet that when he and his wife were dancing naked at parties, no one really had to.

Well I'm sold.  Read the whole thing here.  Oh, and please don't party Dylan Thomas-style.  I don't want to claim responsibility for that.

Damn, this list will come in handy for my eventual library party.

Sunday

I magically had today off.  It was awesome: I had afternoon beers, pizza, and cake (in that order), I bought new running shoes, then came home and drank whiskey and made pretentious art and listened to pretentious music.

Happy June!

OK, for real this time

I present to you: London - a journey in photos

First night essentials:

Classic English breakfast - made even better by hashbrown triangles (err... even though I don't really seem to like eggs anymore):

Spitalfields Market:

Canned cocktails!

Art: 

Dancing times all the times:

Sally Lunn's bunzzzz - they're all the rage in Bath:

Creepy statues in Bath:

I. Love. This. Drink.

People in Bath live in style:

Booze bouquet!

THE END.  (Until I magically get a job that gives me a visa and lets me move back... let's all cross our fingers for that one.)

Widget and Sassoon: London adventure times!

I know, I know - I had that burst of energetic blogging and now I've stopped.  I'm gonna get back on the wagon though, I swear... soon.  For now I'm just popping in to say HOLY CRAP ANDREA AND I ARE IN LONDON.  We're in the midst of all sorts of shenanigans right now (canned cocktails, Jammie Dodgers, hot tunes, heart-print tights, pants-less dancing, etc.) so I'll have to post a full report when I get home and I'm all sad and broke.  Here's a sneak peak though:

My pocket's eatin' cheese cake!

Please, please - hold your applause

 
OH HI.  Nice to see you again.

I've been trying to write a post for weeks now but couldn't seem to finish anything until tonight.  I know: how hard is it for me to blather some self-indulgent nonsense and hit publish?  Really not that hard.  I'm going to skip all the bullshit excuses though - sometimes I'm just uninspired and need a break.  Cool?  Cool.  So let's get back to things:

Here's what you need to know about my life since my last post:

- I actually got to see Jens Lekman!

I got a ticket at the last minute and it was so beautiful that I maybe got teary-eyed with joy.  OK, I was sleepy and full of Dayquil, but still - the show was in such an intimate space that I was only about ten feet away from Jens AND he played "Kanske är jag kär i dig," which is perhaps the best song in the world.  You should check out this Brooklyn Vegan post about the show because there are more great photos and I should cut down on the amount of Jens-obsessing I do here.

(Oh: but OF COURSE I bought one of these key necklaces.)
 
- I'm working a lot... although still not enough to stop me stealing money from my savings.  I'm either going to need to get a second part time job or quit the whole shebang and get another full time job.  Or I need to track down a rich philanthropist who wants to pay me to ghostwrite his/her blog while funding my European travels (fingers crossed for that one!).

- I'm writing and performing sketch comedy with my new group The Fantashticks.  Maybe someday we'll get our shit together and have a website!

- I celebrated Christmas by working nine hours on minimal sleep, somberly smoking a joint alone out my window, and then getting wasted on whiskey and cider.  Thanks, Santa, for the gift of reality!  Really though: it wasn't all that bad.  Andrea came to town (and got snowbound in my apartment) and a super awesome someone gave me a turntable(!!).

- My hair's getting pretty damn long.  I can't wait until it's long enough to recreate the gigantic side ponytail I had in my kindergarten class photo.

- I've been watching lots of Mr. Show.  Pit-Pat!

- I think Enter The Void was the best movie I saw in all of 2010.  Take THAT Black Swan! (Although... uh... I still haven't seen Black Swan.)  If you can still catch it somewhere on the big screen, do it, but schedule time for a long walk and a stiff drink after.

SO.  Yes.  Things are pretty swell right now.  I mean, sure: I'm dreading waking up at 6am tomorrow to go work for the man for nine hours and I'm also thinking it was probably a bad idea to drink that beer and then eat that ice cream and then do sit-ups right before bed but still... things have been worse.  I'm even working on a wintery iTunes playlist that's not full of Joy Division and Interpol!

Happy February, lovers.  It's good to be back.

The Weekly Widget and Sassoon: Andrea will name your pet

 

I am failing at Widget and Sassoon lately.  I keep coming very close to stopping altogether, but then I convince myself to keep going because 1) there are so many conversations I keep uncovering that must be shared with world and 2) it guarantees that I post something at least once a week AND 3) good god, if I can't keep up with a weekly themed blog post then how can I expect to keep up with my LIFE??

Anyway.

Maybe it will be a "Whenever I Feel Like It Widget and Sassoon" instead of "Weekly."  You know, throwin' surprises your way when you least expect it.  Postin' funnies.  Drinkin' drinks.

I'm sorry, guys.  I think I'm in a bad mood because I just came back from a New Pornographers show and Dan Bejar wasn't with them and it made me sad.  And then I checked my bank balance.  And then I had to put on two sweaters because it's fucking DECEMBER.

ANYWAY.  Pets:

andrea: there's a girl on this show called "beau"   which quite frankly, is a dog's name

  let's be real hereBeau=dog like Clara=cow and Sebastian=cat

On the positive side: I have enough peanut butter and gin to last me at least a week.  And by listening to Destroyer I can pretend I saw Dan Bejar.

The Weekly Widget and Sassoon: dreams do come true

On days when I am feeling directionless and questioning my life choices, I like to try and remember how far I've come.  Sure, I'm slowly eating through my savings account, spending late nights watching cartoons and drinking whiskey, and my bedroom is covered in piles of mail and clothing BUT at least I'm not still job searching, right??

And I'm thinking positively for Andrea, too.  Sure, it sucks that she spends most days hanging out with a toddler and her closet doesn't hold all of her clothes BUT at least she has an iPhone!  See?  Things aren't so bad, people!  Unless you're reading this over someone's shoulder in a Starbucks because you're homeless.  That is bad.

me:i'm pretty sure i'm not getting that BAM job and it's killing my spirit

andrea: why? did the interview go badly?

 me: not terribly, but i haven't heard a peep from them and the interview was last monday

 i have a feeling they think i'm underqualified

 andrea: underqualified?

  that's boo hockey

 me: ha! boo hockey!

  yeah, i guess, but i keep thinking of other things i could have thrown into the interview that i didn't

  poo

 i'm sure they're interviewing a ton of people though

 andrea: yeah, a week ago is not that long

 did they give you a time frame for hiring at all?

 me: they said as soon as possible

  and the original ad said mid-august :(

 andrea: lame

 everyone's lame

  were the two best people for everything and noone wants to help us

  everyone's a JERK

 me: i KNOW!

 jerkface america!

 andrea: jerkface WORLD

  i just want a place to LIVE

  I want a JOB

  i want the world to stop making me TYPE IN CAPS

me: HATE IT!andrea: ugh. i just want an iphone and some new boots

Actually, Andrea probably does still want some new boots.

The Weekly Widget and Sassoon: I'm drunk at Voooogue

I've had a lot of beers.  And I just made the the best improvised tofu-rancheros-inspired scramble ever.  And I'm still poor.  And I'm never getting off this couch.  Aaaaaand drug segue:

andrea: Dude, I woke up this morning with such a migraine I thought I might not be able to come this weekend

  It was draaaaaammmz

  But I'm all drugged up and i feel a babillion better now

  Boom

  Deugs

Drugs!

  Yes.

Oh and this:

The Weekly Widget and Sassoon: in YOUR face!

I am in the midst of another one of my semi-monthly goddam-I-overbooked-my-life freakouts so I'll let this one speak for itself while I continue to write drunk emails.  You're welcome!

andrea: i want a lollipop

  i want a cuuuupcake

  i want some COTTON CANDY

  in my faaaaaaaaaaaaaaaace

  ...

  ...

  did you like my song?

  i wrote it for you

 you're my inspiration

 me: not in your mouth? just rubbed all over your face? that's weird

  oh, well then

  it does sound like something i'd sing

 andrea: not ON my face

  IN my face

 me: in your pores?

andrea: no, in my mouthy part of face

  MOUTH FACE

 me: oohhhh wellllll thennnn

 andrea: yup yup yup

 win win win

  zing ziing zing

  ziiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiinnnnnnnng

MADE

Have I mentioned that I'm being slowly crafted in a hip hop star?  It's true.  The sassy Bev Brown has me wrapped around her finger so hard that I decided to get in on her current performance workshop.  On paper, it's an eight-week workshop that ends with a performance at Alvin Ailey right after Thanksgiving.  In reality, it's hip hop boot camp - well, for me, at least.  I go to Bev's regular class about once a week, but now I'm going to the workshop class every Saturday plus one to two more during the week, depending on what I can afford.  We're doing at least seven numbers (although not the full songs) and while the choreography is similar if not exactly the same as what we do in class, we're expected to pick it up much faster.

This song in particular is the bane of my existence (this is best version I can find... ignore the skanky pics... unless you don't want to, perv):


Don't get me wrong, I love the song itself - especially all the random guest stars involved - (Bon Iver??) but the Nicki Minaj part that we're busting moves to (starting around 3:30) is killing me.  The moves are so fast that I look like a big flailing mess and I'm psyching myself out about it.  I've got 16 days to master this shit.  Oh, and to find some "sexy shorts" to wear in the show.  Errrgghhh.  I swear, I am living this episode of "Made."

Send good vibes, people.  And if you're in New York City over Thanksgiving, send yourself.  Really, how many chances do you have to see me get all ghetto while I'm sober AND have good choreo on my side?

The Weekly Widget and Sassoon: hip-unemployed-ster

See what I did there?  I stuck "unemployed" in the middle of the word "hipster"!  Get it?  "Hip-unemployed-ster"??  It's the caption for this hot photo:

I was originally posting it as an example of what my life has become now that I am officially, for real real, no joke, DONE with CAP21.  I declared on October 28 that I wasn't coming back and I have upheld the promise.  Now I'm spending lots of time hanging out in a big sweater that keeps my neck warm and drinking cheap beer.  But then I uploaded that photo and scoffed at myself.  Really, Molly?  A striped seventies mom sweater?  Bangs all up in your eyes?  Visible (albeit backwards) Jukebox the Ghost poster in the background?  PBR??  You hipster fuck.  (However: can we acknowledge how awesome that nail polish is?  It matches the can!!)

So... yeah.  Oops.  I'm keeping it there so you can scoff at what my life has become right along with me.  Let's consider it a caption contest.  If you can think of something better than "hip-unemployed-ster," you win a prize.  Probably something lazily homemade.

Maybe I'm just bitter because I never had a proper going-away party...

me: drunk

  at

  work

 andrea: You devil

 How are you getting drunk at work?

me: we just signed the lease for moving onto the 5th floor and had cake and champys

  and i pretended it was my going away party

 andrea: HAHAHAHAHAHA

  yes.

 me: so of course it was GREAT

PS: I still have all the office keys, CAP21.  If I return them can I get my soul back?

The Weekly Widget and Sassoon: Facebook school

I have a love-hate relationship with Facebook.  The pros include inviting many people at once to events when I don't want to use a phone, updating my status with pretentious song lyrics, and - of course - stalking people from high school.  The cons, however, are just as numerous: getting tagged in awful photos, people babbling about virtual farm animals, and... ok, people updating their statuses with pretentious song lyrics.  But BAD ones!  Blergh.  I feel like an old person in a rocking chair when I tell people how I long for the days when Facebook was just for college students to track down that dude from Geology class and post hilarious photos from the dorm.

For now I'm still neutral about Facebook, but it seems to be a trend among some of my friends to quit altogether and delete their accounts.  Is this the new cool thing to do?  Subvert the standard?  Drea seems to think so.

me: ummmm did jamien have a baby??

 andrea: i know she was preggers

  maybe she popped

  why?

  is facebook telling you tales?

 me: yup

  i'm inviting people to something so can't click on her profile yet, but i noticed her photo was a baby

  i had no idea she was knocked up

 man, i HATE that

  you are not your baby!

  don't make your photo of your kid!

 andrea: I KNOW

  people are so stupid

 me: although i also just noticed that my friend joel changed his photo to lindsay lohan's mugshot

  he wins

 andrea: i win

me: no, you can't win if you forfeit the game

  LADY

 andrea: no, that's the secret

  that's how you win at facebook

 me: whatevs

 be all too-cool-for-school

andrea: I've always been too cool for school

  duh

  duh

  duh

Well DUH right back at you because if it weren't for Facebook, we wouldn't have Lamebook.  Also, I wouldn't have found this old gem:

Thanks, Mr. Zuckerberg, for keeping my drunk-in-public moments precious.

You can feel it, people feel it, rhythm rhythm

It's my four-year Alive Day today.  I'm celebrating by drinking Amstel Lights and endlessly doing the running man to this:


Go be alive!

Maybe I CAN draw

I recently unearthed an old flash drive and found a couple gems that I can't resist shoving in your faces.

A long long time ago (late summer 2007, perhaps?), I had to go to an all-day payroll system training with my boss.  It was the kind of corporate drudgery that I hope I never again have to go through for any job.  I eventually took over the task of processing the weekly payroll, but it's amazing that I learned anything that day.  Not only did we have a nice beer lunch, but I spent most of the training session making Microsoft Paint drawings:

The first one especially is a nerdy, inside joke to other ADP PayExpert users, but hopefully you can at least appreciate my fine art skills.