Five years

OH HI.

So: as of today I have officially lived in New York City for five whole years and, for some reason, the occasion made want to revisit this long-forgotten little blog.  Also, I saw that Google automatically shows visitor stats now and apparently I am still getting DAILY page views here.  I mean, we're talking like, two or three readers daily but STILL.  I feel guilty now.  What if it's the same two or three people revisiting every day, desperately hoping I've gone to another Jens Lekman show or eaten too many cupcakes again, only to find that same old post from October??  Sorry, reader(s).  I also realized I need to finally pay Flickr so that photostream shows up again too.  Whoops.

Anyway, here's a glimpse of what's been going on in the last six months:

Wild!

I've also been working 1.5 jobs, writing movie articles for Sketch Tiger, making half-hearted attempts at open mic storytelling, buying grown-up clothes, and making a number of questionable choices under the influence of whiskey. 

I'll be honest: I'm in kind of a creative rut right now.  I want to write awesome things and perform awesome things and make some non-depressing collages and learn to play the drums, but I can't seem to get started in any direction.  Instead I'm listening to a lot of Jens and old Wilco and painting my nails and reading magazines and grumbling about teenagers.  I told this to my mom today and she said "don't let those bad people in your house," by which I think she meant "don't let negative energy in your head" although I'm also going to double check all my locks.  She's right, but mostly I just need any energy.

Hopefully I can get back on track with this blog.  In the meantime, send me a project.  Clearly I've been spending too much energy perfecting my sassy sunglasses face.

I probably have AIDS now

Here is an example of just how broke I've been feeling lately:

I went for a run this morning in my balmy, 77 degree neighborhood and as I passed a gas station, I saw a dollar bill on the ground.  So naturally I picked it up and tucked it into my sports bra.

A ONE.  DOLLAR.  BILL.

What the crap was I thinking?  That my boob sweat would transform it into a ten by the time I got home??  I'm disgusting.  And I had this thought as I continued to run with it plastered against me but what was I going to do then?  Throw it back on the ground?  NO.  I ran that wet little piece of paper all the way home to my wallet.  And then showered before touching my mouth.

Good god I need an extra job.  Or a new job altogether.  On the plus side though: my iced coffee today will probably cost only 89 cents.  Woo!

Cameo Blue

I told myself I was going to compile a list of good film and theatre monologues so I could stop making excuses for avoiding auditions.  I ripped a piece of paper from a notepad, literally wrote "Monologues?" at the top, and set it on my desk.

I have since then been using it as a surface on which to paint my nails and protect my desk.

Yeah... that about sums up my life right now.

It's OK - just keep making crap!

Thank you, Ira Glass, for making me feel much better about my perpetual creative frustration:


(via Kottke)

OK, well, guess I'm off to finish those four beginnings-of-sketches I've been grimacing at...

The Weekly Widget and Sassoon: Andrea will name your pet

 

I am failing at Widget and Sassoon lately.  I keep coming very close to stopping altogether, but then I convince myself to keep going because 1) there are so many conversations I keep uncovering that must be shared with world and 2) it guarantees that I post something at least once a week AND 3) good god, if I can't keep up with a weekly themed blog post then how can I expect to keep up with my LIFE??

Anyway.

Maybe it will be a "Whenever I Feel Like It Widget and Sassoon" instead of "Weekly."  You know, throwin' surprises your way when you least expect it.  Postin' funnies.  Drinkin' drinks.

I'm sorry, guys.  I think I'm in a bad mood because I just came back from a New Pornographers show and Dan Bejar wasn't with them and it made me sad.  And then I checked my bank balance.  And then I had to put on two sweaters because it's fucking DECEMBER.

ANYWAY.  Pets:

andrea: there's a girl on this show called "beau"   which quite frankly, is a dog's name

  let's be real hereBeau=dog like Clara=cow and Sebastian=cat

On the positive side: I have enough peanut butter and gin to last me at least a week.  And by listening to Destroyer I can pretend I saw Dan Bejar.

The Weekly Widget and Sassoon: in YOUR face!

I am in the midst of another one of my semi-monthly goddam-I-overbooked-my-life freakouts so I'll let this one speak for itself while I continue to write drunk emails.  You're welcome!

andrea: i want a lollipop

  i want a cuuuupcake

  i want some COTTON CANDY

  in my faaaaaaaaaaaaaaaace

  ...

  ...

  did you like my song?

  i wrote it for you

 you're my inspiration

 me: not in your mouth? just rubbed all over your face? that's weird

  oh, well then

  it does sound like something i'd sing

 andrea: not ON my face

  IN my face

 me: in your pores?

andrea: no, in my mouthy part of face

  MOUTH FACE

 me: oohhhh wellllll thennnn

 andrea: yup yup yup

 win win win

  zing ziing zing

  ziiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiinnnnnnnng

MADE

Have I mentioned that I'm being slowly crafted in a hip hop star?  It's true.  The sassy Bev Brown has me wrapped around her finger so hard that I decided to get in on her current performance workshop.  On paper, it's an eight-week workshop that ends with a performance at Alvin Ailey right after Thanksgiving.  In reality, it's hip hop boot camp - well, for me, at least.  I go to Bev's regular class about once a week, but now I'm going to the workshop class every Saturday plus one to two more during the week, depending on what I can afford.  We're doing at least seven numbers (although not the full songs) and while the choreography is similar if not exactly the same as what we do in class, we're expected to pick it up much faster.

This song in particular is the bane of my existence (this is best version I can find... ignore the skanky pics... unless you don't want to, perv):


Don't get me wrong, I love the song itself - especially all the random guest stars involved - (Bon Iver??) but the Nicki Minaj part that we're busting moves to (starting around 3:30) is killing me.  The moves are so fast that I look like a big flailing mess and I'm psyching myself out about it.  I've got 16 days to master this shit.  Oh, and to find some "sexy shorts" to wear in the show.  Errrgghhh.  I swear, I am living this episode of "Made."

Send good vibes, people.  And if you're in New York City over Thanksgiving, send yourself.  Really, how many chances do you have to see me get all ghetto while I'm sober AND have good choreo on my side?

Yay for quitters!

This article about quitting is making me feel a little better about taking the leap from my secure-yet-boring job.  If only I knew what it is I'm supposed to be independently creating.

As a creative person, you’ve been given the ability to build things from nothing by way of hard work over long periods of time. Creation is a deeply personal and rewarding activity, which means that your Work should also be deeply personal and rewarding. If it’s not, then something is amiss.

Creation is entirely dependent on ownership.

Ownership not as a percentage of equity, but as a measure of your ability to change things for the better. To build and grow and fail and learn. This is no small thing. Creativity is the manifestation of lateral thinking, and without tangible results, it becomes stunted. We have to see the fruits of our labors, good or bad, or there’s no motivation to proceed, nothing to learn from to inform the next decision. States of approval and decisions-by-committee and constant compromises are third-party interruptions of an internal dialog that needs to come to its own conclusions.

Read the whole thing here.

(Discovered by way of Kottke.)

The Weekly Widget and Sassoon: dreams and cocaine and egg sandwiches

I just started reading Carl Jung's Man and His Symbols and it's set me off on a kick of trying to dig into my subconscious.  I know, it sounds pretentious, but I had originally bought the book for some religion or sociology class in college and randomly rediscovered it a few days ago.  It's actually fairly easy to read and digest and I'm getting that nerdy rush of excitement that I haven't felt in awhile - LEARNING! (Excuse me while I push my glasses further up my nose and use my inhaler.)

Mr. Jung is teaching me that the symbols planted in our unconscious can arise in many forms other than dream forms, but I think dreams are still great examples of the crazy shit going on in my head.  This one is almost as good as Andrea's:

andrea: oh the day

  i just want to eat an egg sandwich and bake a bread

me: i am actually feeling an urge to write and paint and such, which i haven't felt for a long time

 i had an epic dream last night that i lived in an apartment building that was attached to a bar

  which was awesome until the landlord/bar owner made us sell cocaine from the bar in order to keep our apartments

  i was bad at it and someone tried to give me a ladle instead of money

 andrea: its like an episode of an hbo show

  i almost typed "hobo show"

 me: and i was all "hey! no! you owe me $40!"

  it was cheap coke

 andrea: that's right you big coke dealer, you GET your money

 me: i was bad at it

Maybe it's time to get back in the habit of writing down my dreams every morning.  If anything, it will help me rule out some bad career choices.

At least I haven't dyed my hair black again

I've been having a strangely emotional week.  Maybe it's because I'm on the cusp of turning 27, maybe it's because there's a full moon reaching it's peak in roughly two hours, or maybe it's just that I'm out of beer. Whatever it is, all I seem to want to do lately is moodily wander the streets listening to dramatic music or spread magazines all over my room and make creepy collages while listening to dramatic music.  The dramatic music is key.

This is all cathartic and fulfilling (I think?) but it's getting to a point that feels slightly ridiculous.  With all the Bjork and Interpol and Radiohead scoring my life, I can't help but imagine over-dramatic images from my week being cut together into a slo-mo scene, Wes Anderson style.

I wish I had the camera/editing skills/motivation to film some kind of hilarious version of this, but alas, I don't.  Instead, pour yourself a glass of whiskey with a side of anxiety and imagine me walking in slow motion in the rain and shaking my fists at the sky while you listen to INXS:


Is it a coincidence that this song is first on my oh-boy-it's-fall playlist?  (Or that it's also the sorta-slo-mo opening to Donnie Darko?) Maybe I'm in for a dramatic season.

Livin' the dream

It's real.  It's my first day of being mostly-unemployed where I have absolutely nothing to do.  Actually my first "official" day as a free woman was last Friday and I celebrated by sleeping in and eventually eating a ginormous brunch at around 3pm while watching Working Girl on HBO.  Oh, the irony!

But today... it feels strange to have no plans.  Well, I do have some plans to go to a dance class and then maybe a UCB show tonight, but the daytime is wide open.  I'm realizing "oh yeah, this is that time I said I was going to use to find a new job."  Or at least "be productive." 

To my credit, I did get up at 9am and took a shower, put on real clothes, and got out of the house.  I went to the nearest Starbucks - mainly for free AC and wireless, but also so I could get "focused."  (I'm throwing a lot of quotation marks around, I know - imagine them as obnoxious air quotes.)

I came in with the intention of writing... stuff.  I was at least going to put together some stuff for the upcoming Moth slams, but I got halfway through a story and stalled.  So now I'm the cliche unemployed "artist" sitting in a New York City Starbucks with writer's block.  But blogging counts as productivity, right?

At least you can probably expect more blogging from me as I continue to procrastinate adult responsibilities.  And more of this:

Good god, someone please give me a writing assignment.

The Weekly Widget and Sassoon: yes - long, but SO worth it

Confession: a few months ago I joined OkCupid, the free online dating site of broke desperate singles nationwide.  I originally signed up as a challenge as part of my Storytelling class at UCB; we were all assigned to do something "out of character" - our true character as a person, not a fake character - but the catch was that the rest of the class picked it for you.  Clearly, part of my "character" is my inability to pick up dudes... I guess it's more obvious than I thought.  ANYWAY.

I brushed it off at first as an embarrassing, horrifying task, but soon I actually got kind of obsessed with it.  There's something very gratifying about being able to brush off or hit on guys without it being in person and having to care about their reaction.  It helped that I realized many of my friends use or have used OkCupid or other dating sites and it's really nothing to be all secretive and embarrassed about - in fact, it's often hilarious and makes for more great stories.  Thanks, Storytelling 201!

As I seem to have regained confidence in picking up men on my own (thankyouverymuch), I'm kind of neutral about it now.  I still check it out when I get emails about matches because I'm curious what other nerds live in my area ("We found a match for you!  He likes 'Martin Scorcese'" - puh-lease internet robots, who doesn't??), but mostly, it's all about the hilarious messages.  I get a few creepy or odd messages from guys every now and then and I like to have a good laugh before I delete them.  Then I got two that put all the rest to shame.  Naturally, I immediately consulted Andrea.  Please enjoy:

me: ho

  ly

  shit

 andrea: what?

 me: this is the best ok cupid message i've gotten of all time

  (long, but worth it)

 Dear Molly :

Now I am manager of software department in a corporation in Beijing.
I am senior software analyst.

My hometown is Qingdao. It is a big city & seaport at east coast of China.
All my relatives are in Qingdao.

I am lonely in Beijing. So I need a girlfriend very much.

But fortunately, Beijing University gives me great happiness.

Besides my career, my best interest is study in Beijing University.

Beijing University is the best university in China.
She has an honourable fame in whole China.
Because Beijing University is in capital, & near central government,
so its information is more strong.

I am in a good environment of culture & information.

Every month, there are many aristocracies of intellect around me.
Every month, there are many conferences or forums in campus of Beijing University & Tsinghua University.

Many government officials, scholars, enterprisers, businessmen came from all over the world, take part in those meetings.

So I have many chance to meet those aristocracies in many fields.
I feel happy to meet them, because those meeting give me much light of wisdom. They open my mind & eyes.

My interest is wide. I attend many classes in several aspect: literature, history, philosophy, law, business, management, etc.

I love Beijing University very much.

I wish, in the future, I can invite you to visit Beijing University, & take some pictures in its campus.

Hongwu in Beijing

andrea: um...does he WORK for beijing university?

 me: oh my gosh, he sent me an earlier one too!

 andrea: does he want you to come to china and make out with beijing university while he watches?

 me: i guess so???

  i think he's a student

 holy shit, he's looking for an american wife and i fall in the desired height range

  Dear MollyCam , you are so lovely on picture.

Nice to meet you. How do you do ?

I am HongWu Xu in Beijing, China.

I am software engineer.
I study in Beijing University in spare time.
In Beijing University, there are some foreign students & scholars came from America and Europe.

Do you know something about China ?

If you are interested, I will send you some pictures about China & myself at once.
So you can understand something about China at first.
Please give me your email address.

My email address
xuhongwulove@gmail.com
xuhongwulove2@live.cn

On hotmail.com, I have instant messenger.
It's also called MSN. MSN is my basic instant messenger.
On MSN, my user name is
xuhongwulove2@live.cn

On Yahoo Messenger, my user name is
xuhowu@yahoo.com.cn

Are you interested to keep contact with me, and see what will happen
I am sincere and worthy gentleman, with a kind and tender heart.

I seek a wife whose height is between 5'4--5'8 (164cm -- 172cm)
I like to live with you in your side.

Hope to hear from you.

Hongwu in Beijing University, China

 "i like to live with you IN YOUR SIDE"

 andrea: he is a sincere and worthy gentleman

 me: he wants to burrow into me like an alien!!

 andrea: you should probs call him

 me: oh, for sure

  chinese sugar daddy

You guys: if any of you email him pretending to be me and get a response I will buy you a drink and then we can scheme on how to get him to wire us money.  Deal?  And yes, that photo is really him... HOTT.

OK BYE

Last day of work!!!!  I stole a bottle of wine!!  Shoulda taken 10! 

See ya, suckaaaas!

The Weekly Widget and Sassoon: the future

As of this moment, I only have a little more than three days left as a full-timer at CAP21.  Amazing.  People keep asking me where I'm going and what my plans are and I keep giving vague answers like "I'm pursuing a number of options" and "somewhere... that's not... here".  Truth is: I have no idea.  Also truth: I'm psyched about it. 

I mean, I do have plans to find something new, for sure.  At this point though, I just want any job that doesn't make me want to hide in bathroom and bang my head against the stall door all day.  If that something can also give me a salary and insurance, even better.  I'm lucky enough to have some money to float on for awhile if I need to, though, so it wouldn't hurt to use this bit of free time to re-examine what I might want to do with my life.  Like finally start that drums-and-tambourine band with Andrea:

me: aw yeah, fashion plates!

 my friend sophie had a ton of those and i was so jealous

 what were sweet secrets?

andrea: they were these little dolls that folded into like weird compact things

  but the best part was all their furniture which folded out of accessories

 so like, there was a brush that turned into a car

  http://www.crowncombo.com/articles/2006/047_sweet/playsets.jpg

me: whoaaa weird

  they have weirdo torsos

 andrea: they have jeweled torsos

 you should be so lucky

 me: they're like girly transformers

  also, i'm starting a band called hairdryer patio

 andrea: oh my god, totally off topic, my sweet tooth will not quit

  i want like, a tube of cinnamon rolls right now

  also, hairdryer patio, yes

  i'm on drums

 me: ok fine

  but i get to tambourine

  and that's it - drums and tambourine

 andrea: god we rule

 me: we sure do

  oh, and we'll have really high pitched vocals

  like, fake opera

 andrea: WIN

  i'm not touring though

  we can do one offs

  i say we only tour when we need a vacation

  and even then we'll play like one show and relax the rest of the time

 we'll send out a bulletin, "just some meet us at the bar and we'll sing all high pitchy for you while you buy us g &t's"

Hairdryer Patio: keepin' it real.  Brace yourself for some amazing merch. 

(Oh, and by the way: wanting to eat a tube of cinnamon rolls is never off-topic and is in fact relevant to any conversation.)

August freaks me out

I can feel fall creeping up on me like a cold cold drunken homeless person.  I need to remind myself that summer ain't over yet.  Here are some highlights of my summer so far:

Yes, that last pic is a highlight.  Because I'm tearing that sad, self-made, motivational poster off my wall.  Because I quit my job.  Because... it's time for something better.

WOW these photos make my life look boring.  I promise to get rowdy over the next three weeks.

Happy summer, friends.

More bloggins!

Surprise!  Another blog!  Andrea and I are co-producing a new photo project called This Is How We Live.

We were fed up with all of the "lifestyle" blogs out there that show young people living highly designed and distressingly coordinated lives.  I mean, sure: there are a lucky bunch of twenty-somethings out there who are making a good living and have a knack for furnishing themselves and their homes stylishly.  But what about the rest of us barely scratching out a living?  We want to peek into their lives.

The blog is in the infant stages of design so don't judge us too harshly, but we'd love to hear your thoughts on the content.  And we probably want to photograph your bathroom.  Check it out.

The all the all of you

I went home to NH a couple weeks ago and impulsively grabbed a few things to bring back to NYC with me.  Specifically, old journals and mix tapes.  I suppose this was partially fueled by the new storytelling / personal writing kick I've been on lately - I'm constantly trying to dig into my past for a good story - but it was also for purely nostalgic reasons, especially with the tapes.  Allison left me her ghetto-blaster boombox before she went to London so I knew I could finally revisit the gems that I taped off the radio somewhere around 1995-1997.

I've been listening to these since then and oh. my. god.  Not only are they so full of adolescent angst (these covered ages 12-14), but parts of them are still pretty fucking awesome, if I do say so myself.  The fact that I taped the majority off the radio lends them an extra-special charm.

Side B of what I like to call "The 7th Grade tape" has a particularly stellar buildup of tracks, which I would like to recreate for you here, in video form.  You may want to put on a flannel and/or some Delias jewelry:

No Doubt - Just A Girl


Bush - Glycerine (holy crap, by putting those two songs next to one another it's like my 12-year-old mind was predicting the future marriage of Gwen Stefani and Gavin Rossdale!  Whoaaaa.)


Toadies - Possum Kingdom (I forgot how creepy and messed up this song and video are)


Green Day - Brain Stew


and the best one ever.....
Spacehog - In The Meantime


I say "best one ever" because it was and always will be the best song on that mix.  It was my most favorite song for probably all of junior high and I played that section of the tape so much that I'm surprised it still works.  It's hilarious to me now that I loved this song so intensely even though the lyrics make absolutely no sense and I couldn't understand half of them anyway.  Early evidence of how I still always favor composition over lyrics, I guess.

As a bonus, I had an epic night of reading through my old journals yesterday and found this as further evidence:

The best song in the world is "In The Meantime" by Spacehog.  I think it has most influenced me to have a band.  I think about our band* and remember seeing them on Jay Leno at Cecelia's house whenever I hear it.

*What I meant by "our band" is the "band" that consisted of me and two of my best friends at the time, Cecelia and Sarah.  Collectively we knew about five chords on the acoustic guitar and I would attempt to "drum" with pencils on textbooks.  We spent most of our time thinking up cool band names (contenders being Hybrid Monkeys and Electric Toastmen... um... we weren't men).  I wish I could find a clip of that Leno performance somewhere online... I wonder if it would still shatter my world.

It's funny how not much has changed, though.  Well, Cecelia is married and has a baby and I'm pretty sure Sarah is a budding lawyer, but I'm still soundtracking my life with dramatic music and air drumming.

And I still I love the all the all of you.

Oh it's such a perfect day... I'm glad I spent it with me...

Not to rub it in your face, worker bees, but I am on VACATION this week and I FUCKING LOVE IT.  Today, in particular, was all loveliness and sunshine.  I'm tempted to never show up to work again and see how long it takes them to stop paying me.  (That would probably take about three days, actually, since I usually run the payroll.)

I got up sorta early (9am) considering I worked my intern shift the night before, but I thought I'd be meeting a potential subletter.  Turns out I had my days mixed up - whoops - so I instead used the time to send out four job resumes and speed through some of my email.  Yay productivity!

I had to go into Manhattan for an appointment and with all the sun and the green and the flowering things I couldn't possibly go right back on the train. So I wandered myself into Barnes and Noble to peruse things I shouldn't buy.  Good call, because I found this on the bargain shelf for $5.95:

YESSS!  This has been on my to-buy list forever, but I was always too cheap to shell out the whole entire list price fee of $28 (times is tough, yo).  Now that I have it my hot little hands all I want to do is become a professional wackadoo party host.  Why isn't that job on Craigslist??

After more wandering in the beautiful sunshine, I came home and made myself a real lunch!  With fresh fruits and vegetables!  Which I didn't have to eat at a sad desk!  Amazing.

Then I dashed to dance class and HOLY CRAP.  Not only did we dance to Janet, but it was the teacher's assistant's birthday so they brought her a cake and we all got giant slices of Magnolia red velvet cake after class!  For real!!

 
And it had normal vanilla frosting and not cream cheese frosting which is what always ruins a good red velvet and ohmygod CAKE!!!  It felt wrong to sit and eat cake after sweating for 90 minutes but still... mindblowing.

Now I'm winding down with tequila and L.A. Ink (these people are fascinating) and I have big plans to watch the end of Ugly Betty Season 4 and paint my nails with this fancy nail art pen.

PLANS, y'all!!

Just so you know I'm not entirely roses and unicorns, I did pull a neck muscle in dance class and I don't know how I'll ever turn my head to the left ever again.  But still!  Who needs turn their head when there's Amy Sedaris and tequila!

I almost don't want to go to sleep tonight for fear that karma will fuck me over and tomorrow will suck.

The Weekly Widget and Sasson: not so much hilarious, very much true

Full disclosure: I am overwhelmed and overtired and being a brat today so I'm not even going to attempt to write as much as I wanted to.  Good news: Drea Drea spent the weekend with me and we did amazing things like drink pickle martinis and make big arty plans and try on crazy clothes.  Bad news: I can't write about it today because I'm too busy holding my eyes open.  Bleh.  Luckily I can always rely on this:

molly: can we drink whiskey tomorrow please?

 andrea: Um, yes!

Good luck with your Mondays, friends!

The Weekly Widget and Sassoon: this post is rated PG-13 for boob talk

Another short and sweet post today, comrades.  It's almost midnight and I'm cranky and I need to eat my baked potato and take a shower and drink vodka.  What, you want a segue?  Pfffsshht, okay. 

I've continually been talking myself off of ledges for the past few days, sparked especially by my attempts to do my taxes (anyone want to give me Turbo Tax help in exchange for hugs and cookies??) and climaxing today when I accidentally slept in until 11:10am (I'm supposed to be at work at 10:00).  But you know who's the champ of talking me off ledges?  Drea Drea.  Even when I'm irrationally freaking out about my boobs. Sha-BAM.

molly: in other news, i've been paranoid because i've continually had weird chest pains around my heart, but now i think maybe i'm just continually pulling my boob muscle

  can you pull a boob muscle?

  i mean, it seems possible, right?

 andrea: i dunno

 molly: or is it a slowly developing heart attack?

 andrea: i mean, there must be muscle underneath your boob

  heart attacks don't develop slowly silly

 molly: but maybe mine is!

  or it's a stroke!

 andrea: its not a stroke

 molly: i'm benjamin button old!

 andrea: no no no

  you're being ridiculous

 molly: sheesh

 next time i go to the doctor i'm gonna make her explain the musculature of the boob

 but i realized it's the side where i always carry my giant bags so.... yeah

 andrea: that sounds like a very edifying conversation topic

molly: i like to make a doctor feel like they're really earning they're paycheck

 andrea: me too