Take your protein pills and put your helmet on

I am a mess today.  I blame the fact that last night I got home around 11:15pm, then decided to eat a big bowl of soba, then decided to paint my nails, and then decided to finish up season one of "Dexter" on Netflix instant watch.  Why the crap can't I ever just GO TO BED??

When I woke up this morning I felt so out of it that I convinced myself for a full three hours that I must have carbon monoxide poisoning - the slow but steady kind.  The fear is a wee bit justified since we have an older apartment and repair people came to look at our messed-up oven recently but... really. My first thought when I'm tired and sickly and cranky shouldn't be "we're all going to die in our sleep!"

This is the way my mind works, kids: in paranoid bursts.

But now, roughly five hours after waking, I have had five Dum Dums and I'm listening to David Bowie's greatest hits and feeling much better.  I forgot how awesome Dum Dums are.

Did you know there are strawberry shortcake and banana split flavors in addition to the already-awesome cream soda and butterscotch?  WOW.

Of course, I never forget how awesome David Bowie is.

DAMN. What a classy criminal he was.

So... yeah.  Feeling better, but I'm still gonna make sure we have a carbon monoxide alarm in our apartment because I'm sure I'll stay up late again tonight and wake up tomorrow feeling paranoid all over again and freak out and email my roommate again.  (Sorry Allison!)

(Mug shot via The Smoking Gun via Milk.)

The Weekly Widget and Sassoon: my lip gloss is cool, my lip gloss is poppin'

Oh WOW what an exhausting weekend.  This marked round three of the Widget and Sassoon marathon, but, sadly, it felt like Drea and I barely saw one another.  Most of my weekend was arranged around a baby shower for my hometown friend Celia which meant most of my weekend was spent on various buses.

The shower was worth the trip.  I got to catch up with buds I haven't seen in months and years and - holy crap - even see old elementary school teachers.  AND I won two baby shower games. (Did you know there were such things as baby shower games? That there could be five different baby shower games in one baby shower?? Neither did I. But apparently I'm good at two of them.)

The downside of all this bus traveling meant that there was only time for one dance party.  Luckily, it was an awesome dance party involving hats.  Also luckily (super segue alert!), we both have awesome apartments now.  It seems like just yesterday that we were both undergoing the painstaking process of apartment searching.  But we know how to weed out the weirdos:

• 4/28/09 - 5:52pm
  

andrea:

So, i'm in the apt emailing stage, hopefully for june

  and this one apt, sent me back a survey to fill out!

 molly: oh dear... beware

  i got stuck at one apartment visit for about 40 minutes once because the girl wanted to interview me using a questionnaire she found online

 andrea: oh my god

  are you kidding?

  over email is one thing, but in person?!

 molly: yep

  and some of the questions were about like my "life goals" and i was all "are you shitting me?"

  crazy

andrea: wow, invasive

  this one is pretty cheesy

  I usually go to bed...

I'm the late night type

Sometimes early and sometimes late

Before the 10 p.m. news


How do you feel about overnight guests?

My home is their home

I'll speak up when it gets out of control

I'd be more comfortable discussing it first

 molly: yeah, that's cheesy

 and a little lazy, since it means they don't even want to meet you and ask you these questions in person

 andrea: it also had questions like "hobbies?

  favorite tv show?

 molly: oh dear

  you should make up a ridiculous hobby

 "i'm training for ace of cakes and i need to build and 8-foot tall cake shaped like historical figures once a week"

 andrea: AHAHAHAHAHAHA

 molly: "i like fire dancing and i can only practice on the roof"

 andrea: "I'm really into LARPing, buti can only have meetings in my house"

 they emailed me back to come see the place 11 minutes after i sent the survey back

 molly: AAHAAAA

  nice

  because you added the line about LARPing? ;)

 andrea: no, I used the ace of cakes one

 !

 molly: word!

Right now I'm back in my sweet abode, watching Kill Bill: Vol 2, eating soba, and procrastinating unpacking.  Procrastinating everything that involves advancing toward the rest of the week, really.  The only thing keeping me going is the hope of some kind of awesome Halloween happening over the weekend. 

Hmmm, what to be.  Liza?

Or Suri?

Don't roll your eyes at me, missy!

I'm still being a Daria-worthy sass today.  I'm working on an Excel spreadsheet for the weekly payroll and it is the most mind-numbing, anger-inducing part of my job.  I spend half the day color coding and copying and pasting formulas from worksheet to worksheet and then double checking it all.  As Drea would say, I went to COLLEGE, people!  And guess what?  My degree was not a major in Excel Coding with a concentration in Paper Shuffling!  Lame.  I'm even listening to Smashing Pumpkins right now, folks - that's how junior high my mood has become.

Let's take a step back.  Today is my third "I'm Alive Day" - meaning it's been three years since my near-death-by-moving-vehicles - and here I am complaining about the fact that I have to work a job to make money.  And sure, this isn't what I pictured I'd be doing after re-embracing life... but still.  At least these fingers can type again.  At least I sit upright in this plush swivel chair.  And at least I'm here.

I don't want to get into details again, but for serious - I am thankful today.  All of my limbs are working and I'm not living in a hospital bed and hey - I don't even have braces anymore!

I'd be lying if I said I didn't miss the codeine and "That 70's Show " marathons, but it's worth the trade off to be able to run the crap out of a treadmill after a day like this.

Everyone: go be alive.

The Weekly Widget and Sassoon: bein' a sassbasket

• 3/10/09 - 1:42pm

molly: i am in such a bad mood today and i have no idea why

  i'm being such a kick-a-locker crankypants to everyone

 andrea: you need a big chocolate coffee and a big gin and tonic

 molly: so true

 and a "sick day"

 andrea: hells yes 

Fast forward roughly seven months later.  Same deal.  Grarrarrrrrrrr.

Blogworthy

I knew the Drea of all Dreas could solve my problems.  Behold, fresh off the needle:

Now just imagine it on both feet.  Then imagine me flying.  Because I CAN NOW!!

Kidding.  It's all for show.

Also: best snarky comment so far:  "Did you drink some Redbull or something? I hear it gives you wings."  Way to go, Fudge.

The Weekly Widget and Sassoon: Adventures in Pisspot

Round 2 of Widget and Sassoon month wrapped up yesterday and is definitely in the running to be the most memorable. There was less shopping and more bad luck and pouting this time around, but still some web-video-watching and buffet-eating. Sort of a good balance.

The weird part: Andrea got random stomach flu/food poisoning, also late Saturday night, which happened to me last week! Are we germing each other up? I swear I didn't even lick her pillowcase. Luckily I started taking liquid echinacea this weekend and I'm convinced it's saving my immune system (it also makes me feel a little stoned - bonus?).

The sucky part: I lost my phone when we went to Andrea's grandmother's retirement party in Long Island. For real. And I wasn't even drunk! Damn it all. I think it was a sign though as my phone was a piece of crap and now Andrea is sending me her old-but-fancy phone. Yay!
So I've been without a phone for two and a half days now, which is mostly an inconvenience, but also a bit freeing. Want to text me about how annoying the post office is? GOOD LUCK, SUCKERS!

The awesome part: I finally got tattoos! Talk about FANCY. I've been pondering over the idea of getting wings off my ankles for a good two years now and I finally did it. They were perfectly inked by Bryan at New York Adorned and I couldn't be happier with the design. He was a bit of a sass, but in a classic East-Village-tattoo artist way. And yes, it hurt like hell, but I think the total inking process couldn't have been more than 15 minutes. I'd love to post photos, but as I don't own a digital camera, I don't want to post the lame MacBook-Photo Booth version. Photo shoot, anyone?
Oh, and FUN FACT: Not only did Bryan's three-year-old son run around the shop and give us fake flowers while we were waiting, but we were told that Hilary Duff had stopped in right before I arrived to get a small anchor tattooed on her ankle. I suggested that it's so she can sink to the bottom (zing!). Bryan said he wished she got a Duff beer can (HA!).

ANYWAY. Dreaface and I didn't get to spend as much time together as before, but I'm glad she broke her promise about coming to New York. We'll continue the adventures in Borington in a couple weeks.

• 4/3/09 11:22am

andrea: i'm trying to make it until december without seeing new york

these are my little dreams

molly: you're no fun

andrea: i'm all kindsa rad genius fun

molly: WHATEVER

andrea: YOU WHATEVER

new york is a piss pot

PISS

POT

you move to london i'll visit you all the time!

no!

don't!~

i take it back!

molly: maybe i WILL

you're lucky i come to boring boston

borington

bostonoring

andrea: you shut it

i come to pisspot for you

pissy pissy pisspot

molly: yeah in december maybe

you're missing out on my giant living room and kabirs

andrea: ooooh kabirs....

That's RIGHT! I knew I could lure her with a samosa.

Oh, and here's another SNL clip we enjoyed imitating:



"YEAAAAH"

The Weekly Widget and Sassoon: bootard month

October is an exciting time in the land of Widget and Sassoon! Drea and I are hanging out not one, not two, but THREE weekends this month! Insane!

The first 36-hour party went down this weekend when Drea came to NYC and crashed on my granny couch from Friday to Sunday. Highlights included playing Burger Time (which I think should be called Cheeseburger Time - everyone wants cheese, amiright amiright?), wearing matchy-matchy outfits, eating gigantic onion rings, dirty dancing to the Fugees, and watching this video at least 13 times:



We then proceeded to do the Maya/Whitney shoulder shake every time things got really exciting.

Ignoring the part where I randomly got a horrendus stomach flu/food poisoning and ignoring the fact the we both now have gross colds, amazingness was had by all. I can't wait until Part B next weekend. In the meantime, we'll continue to have heart-to-hearts like this one:

• 1/7/09 - 10:27pm

molly: oh good, you're alive

 andrea: wait, was i dead?   oh, the wine

  i'm dead.

 molly: NOOO

  GET UNDEAD

 andrea: trying.

 molly: BE A ZOMBIE

 andrea: bootard

  eating brains.

  so what?

 molly: so

  you

 i am drinking gin, and also getting sleepy

 andrea: ugh. i still have to go back to somerville tonight though

  bugger

  i want to sew an ipod case

  i want EVERYTHING

 molly: somerville?

  ha, bugger

  are you british now?

 andrea: that's where joe lives

  no, just a wino

 molly: ahhh

wine brings out the brit

  and gin brings out the CRAZY

  and LAZY

  i am watching blazing saddles on amc and now all i want to do is drink and watch movies all night

andrea: YES

  me too

  but i have to take a bus

  grrr.

  and a shower.

  grrr.

 molly: are you at home?

  brighton home?

 andrea: yeah

  bootard

 molly: YOU'RE a bootard