The Weekly Widget and Sassoon: did I ever mention I once had mono?

Last year Andrea got to go to the beach for a long weekend and she rubbed it all up in my face while I was withering away eating ice pops and watching "Six Feet Under."

What a dick.

Just kidding.

(95% kidding.)

• 9/5/08 - 3:56pm

andrea: BEEEEEACH

why aren't you heeeere?

me: go away miss vacation face

because i have a SUCK JOB and MONO

andrea: ugh

mono. no

me: no kidding

so do you have wireless on the beach or something??

because then i hate you more

andrea: wireless in the house, house next to the beach

me: poop

andrea: its awesome

like a last hurrah for summertime

me: POOP

The Weekly Widget and Sassoon: human burrito

Just add salsa!!

• 8/26/08 - 9:56pm

molly: you would be proud, lindsay and i had burritos

oh AND she showed me the awesome pic on her phone of you eating a burrito

andrea: because secretly, I AM a burrito!

A HA

molly: I KNEW IT

you always smelled suspiciously of beans and guac

um... in a good way

andrea: its comin outta my pores

mmmm

Move your errrmms!

I am on a lovely "staycation" this week (side note: I really hate the word "staycation" but can't stop using it all the time - stop me) and so took some time to pop into a dance class this evening. I came away with some of the best Bev quotes/life lessons ever.

• On stretching: "Move your head into eternity!"
• On being ghetto: "Some of y'all need to visit Harlem. Well... some of y'all should bring a friend."
• On... crowding, maybe?: "Move all the way up to the mirror! This is New York City and some people are homeless!"

LOVE IT.

The Weekly Widget and Sassoon: career opportunities

This was about the time when I really started to question what the hell I'm doing with my life. I haven't come up with an answer yet.

• 3/18/08 - 12:47pm

andrea: i can't believe they won't let you drink in the office anymore

i mean what is this? russia?

molly: it's getting there

theatre is russia

andrea: we need to get you a new job

molly: do it

preferably in italy

Somebody in here it's your birthday

Yesterday my blog turned four years old.  If cukr kazdy den were a human, it would now be a hyperactive, overdramatic, pre-diabetic toddler.  And if I were a good mother, I would have celebrated this yesterday but I am currently absorbing the 55-odd hours of sweaty laughter that is the Del Close Marathon.  (I'll try to give a rundown of this madness later, but so far let me just say that Horatio Sanz is looking svelte and John Gemberling is still opposed to wearing shirts.)  ANYWAY...

HAPPY BIRTHDAY, BLOG!!  I started you out of complete boredom during a box office job and now look how you've blossomed.   We've laughed, we've cried, we've drunk too much booze and eaten too much sugar - and isn't that what life's all about?  Well no... I'm sure life's actually about a lot more than that.  But I'm only 25 and what do I know?  

I'm half asleep.

Let's eat some Funfetti.

The Weekly Widget and Sassoon: I heart Web MD

Hey, remember when I had mono? That was no fun. I was bored out my mind and just surfed the internets all day reading terrible things. Good thing Andrea is my voice of reason.

• 8/16/08 - 3:08pm

molly: oh my god, i'm reading horrible things about mono

apparently if my liver is damaged badly enough, i may have to avoid alcohol for up to a YEAR

andrea: STOP

molly: i thought i used up all my bad karma!!

i know it, i need to stop

i'm convincing myself i'm getting hepatitis now

andrea: you DO NOT HAVE HEPATITIS

molly: but what if i dooooo? what if that's why i'm dehydrated??

oh wait, i think i've had that vaccine

so unless my vaccine didn't work, you're probably right

it's just a ruined liver

sigh

andrea: you're fine

you weirdo

The Weekly Widget and Sassoon: drunk, drunk on the range

This evening I met some expensive scotch. And I met it HARD. If I were to have a conversation with myself right now it would probably sound a lot like this:

• 7/25/08 - 12:41am

andrea: lonesome drunkie

drunken on whiskey

whiskey and saddlebags

made of tequila

on the prairie

molly: i want a saddlebag made of tequila!

Now if you'll excuse me, I have half a bag of pita chips to eat and some Wham! to listen to. Thanks scotch.