PS: the photo thing

I joined the rest of the world and got myself a Flickr account.  Check it out here and on the left sidebar.  So far... I have a lot of labeling and updating to do.  ERGGH.

The Weekly Widget and Sassoon: this post is rated PG-13 for boob talk

Another short and sweet post today, comrades.  It's almost midnight and I'm cranky and I need to eat my baked potato and take a shower and drink vodka.  What, you want a segue?  Pfffsshht, okay. 

I've continually been talking myself off of ledges for the past few days, sparked especially by my attempts to do my taxes (anyone want to give me Turbo Tax help in exchange for hugs and cookies??) and climaxing today when I accidentally slept in until 11:10am (I'm supposed to be at work at 10:00).  But you know who's the champ of talking me off ledges?  Drea Drea.  Even when I'm irrationally freaking out about my boobs. Sha-BAM.

molly: in other news, i've been paranoid because i've continually had weird chest pains around my heart, but now i think maybe i'm just continually pulling my boob muscle

  can you pull a boob muscle?

  i mean, it seems possible, right?

 andrea: i dunno

 molly: or is it a slowly developing heart attack?

 andrea: i mean, there must be muscle underneath your boob

  heart attacks don't develop slowly silly

 molly: but maybe mine is!

  or it's a stroke!

 andrea: its not a stroke

 molly: i'm benjamin button old!

 andrea: no no no

  you're being ridiculous

 molly: sheesh

 next time i go to the doctor i'm gonna make her explain the musculature of the boob

 but i realized it's the side where i always carry my giant bags so.... yeah

 andrea: that sounds like a very edifying conversation topic

molly: i like to make a doctor feel like they're really earning they're paycheck

 andrea: me too

The Weekly Widget and Sassoon: career opportunities

 I think I've reached the peak of quarter life crisis.   I just opened an IRA today (!!) and the fact that I am planning for the days when I will be a sassy old lady is sorta mind-boggling.  I mean, I now have a brokerage account and yet the windows in my bedroom are covered with tapestries being held up by thumbtacks because the thought of sizing and buying and installing blinds is too much for me.  Yeesh.

And of course I still don't know what I'm doing with my life, other than sneakily blogging while pretending to organize files.  Maybe I should have a dance party and invite rich moms and their babies and call it "learning."

 andrea: You'll never guess where I am right now

 molly: ummmmmmm

  a holiday inn breakfast buffet?

  a canoe?

  india?

 andrea: I'm at a baby class for bou-gie moms

  Unreal

 Seriously, I'm gonna kill myself

  I hate my job

 molly: baby yoga?

  i hate mine too

 i want nothing more than to go to the gym and then go home and watch bad movies and drink red wine and make pumpkin cookies

 andrea: Oh no, this is ANOTHER baby class

 molly: good god

 andrea: Because one wasn't enough

 molly: what could babies possibly be learning??

 andrea: Oh my god! I would KILL for that day right now

  Well right now they're learning to pop bubbles

  I guess

 molly: wow

  what a skill

parents PAY for that shit?

  i need to start teaching bougie baby classes

 andrea: You have no idea

 This woman seems like she does a few lines in the changing room and then sucks down some helium before she does this

  You have to be willing to make the necessary sacrifices

 

I think could deal with some coke and helium if it means I get to blow bubbles in toddlers' faces all day. 

The Weekly Widget and Sassoon: Nerdy McNerdpants

Links, cat photos, lolspeak - just another Monday in my brain.

andrea:http://whythefuckdoyouhaveakid.com/

molly: oh wow i love it already just for the title

  oh my... is this nsfw?

 or just that first pic?

 andrea: nsfw?

 molly: sorry, not safe for work

 i keep out myself as a message board dork when i use internet speak

  *outing, rather

andrea: yeah, dork

molly: omg i'm toats lol but u <3 me irl

 andrea: irl?

 molly: :) :)

  in real life

 andrea: oh my lord

 molly: i can haz dork prizes!

Cream on the inside, clean on the outside

I just had the best weekend that I've had in a loooong time.  Nothing super exciting, but I did have a four-hour drunken brunch, purchase two awesome rainy-day CDs at Other Music, go to a hip hop class where we danced to this, slept until noon on Sunday, had a great show with Goatbutter last night, and finished everything off with strawberry beer.  Heavenly.

But this, thanks to Andrea, was the cherry on my ice cream sundae of a weekend.  Good luck trying to watch it less than three times in a row:

The Weekly Widget and Sassoon: whatEVER, fashion!

Yeah, that's right - we know what's UP, fashion industry!  You're all creating nonsense clothing as part of an evil ploy to make us wear ridiculous no-heeled shoes and diaper pants and then you laugh at us from your cave lair with the TVs where the secret hidden cameras are broadcasting our pratfalls.  Take THAT, fashion week!

What's that?  Fashion week is already old news?  All the shoes had heels?  Oh.

Don't mind me; I'm just trying to hit "publish" before midnight so I can gain a minor sense of accomplishment from meeting my weekly self-imposed deadline.  Alrighty?  Good. 

JEGGINGS!  (No, Rihanna, not even you.)

me: speaking of topshop, my latest newsletter from them says the latest thing is "jeggings"

  jeans + leggings

  JEGGINGS

  what??

 andrea: WHAT?

  NO

  WHY?

  NO

 me: I KNOW

i'm trying to send you a link, but i don't know if it will work

  i'm forwarding the email ad

 andrea: http://blogs.smarter.com/fashion/2009/04/08/fashion-trend-jeggings/

  UUUUUUUUUUGH

 me: you are so fast

  yeah, super ugh

 andrea: jeggings just skyrocketed to the most offensive word in my vocabulary

 me: i'm going to start slipping it into conversation

like an adjective

  "ew, this cheese is so jeggings"

they just look like really cheap kmart jeans for lazy people

 andrea: they're horrible

  i hate them

  i'm mad at topsshop for purveying them

 me: topshop purveys a lot of nonsense

they just luck out because they carry SO much stuff that there is more good than bad

 i remember when topshop was the first that i noticed to carry "harem pants" and i was all no no no no wtf

 andrea: ll the harem pantds should be burned

  NOBODY looks good in harem pants

  or jeggings for that matter

I have a fancy camera! I'm taking bad photos of stuff!

I have never even owned a digital camera and now here I am with a Nikon D40 (thanks Dave!) trying to figure out how to zoom in and out.  Here's how I'm practicing:

I guess this means I should open one of them there "Flickr" accounts the kids speak of.

The Weekly Widget and Sassoon: I'll be there for youuuuuuu

Drea, I really wish you were on a bus on your way here right this second, even if it does make you cranky.  I could use a night of beer and tacos and "Friends" references.  We don't have to make out, just dance a lot.  I guess I can still be Ross - Phoebe and Monica are lamesauce.

And maybe I'll figure out this whole underwear thing.

andrea: This is a neverending hell beast bus, and I want a beer and a taco, and I'm getting cranky

molly: if it's any consolation, i just discovered i've been wearing my underwear inside out all day

  do you think you're running late?

andrea: AHAHAHAHSHA

  No, were rapidly approaching the bronx

  andrea: Thanks iPhone , for always letting me, and the government, know where I am

 molly: and the ALIENS

 andrea: woot.

  They could find me before iPhone, they've got super nano technology.

  duh

 molly: DUH

 andrea: you still meeting me at the bus?

 molly: yep

 andrea: like a long lost lover...?

 molly: i'm actually leaving work now and i'm going to slowly meander in that direction

  yep, minus the roses

  plus the making out

 andrea: cool, get me a present

 molly: oh but i DID

  it's just at home

 andrea: awesome, we can be like Ross and rachel

 molly: surrrrrre

  i want to be ross