The Weekly Widget and Sassoon: wind + booze + emoticons = love

I guess this makes more sense when you see it in a gchat window where the symbols transform into actual funny things, but use your imagination.  Here's a key:

:D = insane laughter
~@~ = pile of poop
V.v.V = scuttling crab
and of course, <3 = heart, DUH

Pepper those into your next heart-to-heart gchat convo (or shall I say, <3 2 <3?).

andrea:

  THE WIND JUST SHOOK MY HOUSE

  the

  wind

  just

  shook

  my

  house

WTF?!

  where am I living, a goddamn shanty town?!!!!!!

 molly: oh dear

  tape those windows down

  :D ~@~

  laugin' out poop

 *laughin

  LAUGHING

  goddam, i killed it, not funny anymore

  ~@~ ~@~ ~@~ ~@~ ~@~ ~@~

  that's better

 andrea: shut up

 its totally funny

  ~@~

  HA

 andrea: seriously, I feel unsafe here

  the top floor is just gonna straight up blow off

molly: eek

  just don't get too close to the windows

 andrea: DEATH

  you can have my records, and my record player

  and my booze

if I don't drink it from the beer

  huh?

  if i don't drink it from the fear. FEAR

molly: oh god, don't be talkin' wills!

  (but of course i'm taking your records and record player)

andrea: craaaaaaap

  i'm about to get sucked to wonderland, or whatever

  not wonderland...where did dorothy go?

  OZ

 molly: oh my god woman, how much booze have you had?

 andrea: not a lot

  i think its the chocolate and the fear

  the feeeeeaaar

i drank a big beer

  and i'm about to bust into some cava

 molly: that's gonna be an amazing burp

 andrea: because i'm not going out into that goddamn rain until my boyfriend has music out of his system and is ready to snuggle

  (this conversation is going to wind up on the internet isn't it?)

 "The Weekly Widget and Sassoon: Sassoon loses her damn mind."

 molly: no I'M sassoon! YOU'RE widget!

 andrea: you're widget

 molly: waaaaaaah :'(

 andrea: don't make me sic that crab on you

 V.v.V

 molly: this is totally ending up on the internet

 andrea: V.v.V V.v.V V.v.V V.v.V

  crab army

molly: <3 ~@~ <3 ~@~

  i see your crab army and raise you love poop

 andrea: you bitch

Oh, and you called it Drea - here it is, totally ending up on the internet.  ShaBAM.  And I'M SASSOON, weirdo.

The all the all of you

I went home to NH a couple weeks ago and impulsively grabbed a few things to bring back to NYC with me.  Specifically, old journals and mix tapes.  I suppose this was partially fueled by the new storytelling / personal writing kick I've been on lately - I'm constantly trying to dig into my past for a good story - but it was also for purely nostalgic reasons, especially with the tapes.  Allison left me her ghetto-blaster boombox before she went to London so I knew I could finally revisit the gems that I taped off the radio somewhere around 1995-1997.

I've been listening to these since then and oh. my. god.  Not only are they so full of adolescent angst (these covered ages 12-14), but parts of them are still pretty fucking awesome, if I do say so myself.  The fact that I taped the majority off the radio lends them an extra-special charm.

Side B of what I like to call "The 7th Grade tape" has a particularly stellar buildup of tracks, which I would like to recreate for you here, in video form.  You may want to put on a flannel and/or some Delias jewelry:

No Doubt - Just A Girl


Bush - Glycerine (holy crap, by putting those two songs next to one another it's like my 12-year-old mind was predicting the future marriage of Gwen Stefani and Gavin Rossdale!  Whoaaaa.)


Toadies - Possum Kingdom (I forgot how creepy and messed up this song and video are)


Green Day - Brain Stew


and the best one ever.....
Spacehog - In The Meantime


I say "best one ever" because it was and always will be the best song on that mix.  It was my most favorite song for probably all of junior high and I played that section of the tape so much that I'm surprised it still works.  It's hilarious to me now that I loved this song so intensely even though the lyrics make absolutely no sense and I couldn't understand half of them anyway.  Early evidence of how I still always favor composition over lyrics, I guess.

As a bonus, I had an epic night of reading through my old journals yesterday and found this as further evidence:

The best song in the world is "In The Meantime" by Spacehog.  I think it has most influenced me to have a band.  I think about our band* and remember seeing them on Jay Leno at Cecelia's house whenever I hear it.

*What I meant by "our band" is the "band" that consisted of me and two of my best friends at the time, Cecelia and Sarah.  Collectively we knew about five chords on the acoustic guitar and I would attempt to "drum" with pencils on textbooks.  We spent most of our time thinking up cool band names (contenders being Hybrid Monkeys and Electric Toastmen... um... we weren't men).  I wish I could find a clip of that Leno performance somewhere online... I wonder if it would still shatter my world.

It's funny how not much has changed, though.  Well, Cecelia is married and has a baby and I'm pretty sure Sarah is a budding lawyer, but I'm still soundtracking my life with dramatic music and air drumming.

And I still I love the all the all of you.

HAPPY SATURDAY

Live from New York, it's... Wednesday!

It is so weird to not be at UCB right now.  My internship ended last Wednesday and now I don't know what to do with myself.  I've been an intern since last JULY, you guys!  I was lucky to be stationed at the Training Center through December, but still got to put in a solid five months of yelling at crowds and picking up beer bottles at the theater.  But I'm a little sad that I'm not holding the Bucket of Truth and watching the last bits of School Night right now.  :( :( :(

But who are we kidding - I AM super glad that I'm sitting here eating pudding and wearing my velour pants right now and not about to drag a wine-soaked trash bag through the wet Gristede's basement.

I feel like I should say something more profound, but I'll just leave you with this:

Ahhh, if only he really was.

The Weekly Widget and Sassoon: rambling associations

I just got home from a pretty rough set at the Creek.  Well, to be fair, I had two sets: the first was group improvised storytelling and awesome, the second was group improvised... improv... and... well, we've had better days.  I love my fellow Goats, but the only word I could use to describe our set with was "yoinks."  Like: goofy, but weird, but... ouch.  You get me?  It's OK though - I'm confident we can turn it around because we all love karaoke and we have high-five parties like no one's business.

So on the train home I was remembering that I had to do Weekly Widget and Sassoon and immediately made big plans: get in the door, change into the really-old-but-comfy sweatshorts, reheat an amalgam mixture of leftovers, and talk about this:

That's right, a bag.  But not just any bag - the bag of all bags.  I think our bud Rebecca originally bought this 10 or so years ago from the Gap and it got passed around amongst the three of us like a cheap bottle of champange (quickly and frequently).  I specifically remember Andrea giving it to me en route to the bathroom at VPB many a time so I could steal toilet paper for her.  And then it got passed down to me.  (Or... I stole it and never gave it back... something like that.)

This bag was not only amazing for it's history, but it's valuable features:
 1) Size - huge enough to fit not just my laptop, but also a book and a magazine and a sandwich and a change of shoes and maybe some seltzer too.
2) Zipper top - especially important when you got stuck in the rain.
3) KEY HOLDER!  It had this little tab that you snapped your keys into so you didn't have to fish around for them when you were drunkenly trying to get into your apartment at 3am and had to pee so bad that every second was crucial!

Well friends - I had to lay that poor bag to rest.  After years of dedication, one of the straps finally busted beyond repair and I had to throw it out.  But not before documenting it, of course.  Oh Gap bag, we hardly knew ye.

So then I remembered, oh hey, you know what this series is actually about?  Inane chatter that Drea and I do on the internets.  And I dug up this gem:

andrea:

brb, shower

 molly: yeah, stinkface

 andrea: shut it

  i'm mclean

  CLEAN

molly: McClean?

  Lady McCleanface?

  a mcdonald's sandwich made of soap?

andrea: yeah that's right

 molly: ick

andrea: no, i'm delicious

  like roses

  DELICIOUS ROSES

And then I thought of this:



And now I'm full of pasta and vegetables and chocolate chips and I'm exhausted.  Goodnight!  You've been a great crowd.

The Weekly Widget and Sassoon: gettin' old

That's right, I'm OLD.  At least, I sure felt old after unfolding myself from a four-hour bus ride from Boston to New York City this afternoon and hobbling into work.  My gimpy side was acting up and even though I limped around the office and kept yawning with exhaustion, they still made me open envelopes and take notes in meetings and stuff!  SHEESH.

But then I got home and went for a run, went grocery shopping, made dinner, and made a double batch of cookies.  And after I publish this here post I still have plans to wash dishes, paint my nails and watch awesome things on Hulu.  So I guess I'm not old, I just have work-induced laziness.  And insomnia.  Getting there...

molly: there is some kind of giant backyard party going on next door

  which would be ok, if it weren't TUESDAY

who does that on a tuesday?

  am i getting old?

 andrea: who does that on the tuesday after fucking memorial day weekend?

 molly: i guess it will be more annoying if it's still happening in 5 hours

  yeah, really

 andrea: seriously, haven't you partied enough?

 molly: right now it's mostly just annoying because i don't want to shut my windows and we're competing for music

andrea: that sucks

  people suck

  i mean, its not that late, but its tuesday, like for realsies

molly: right?

  if it is still happening in a few hours, i'm going to yell that out my window

 andrea: yes!

  i love that

 molly: "people, it's tuesday, like for realsies!"

 andrea: there were some cats having sex outside my window like a half an hour ago i think...

 molly: but i'll put curlers in my hair and put on a housecoat first

 andrea: i should've yelled at them

  yes!

 molly: yesssss ewwww that happens a lot here too

 andrea: and a green face mask

  I actually muted the tv and went over to the window all "what the crap?"

molly: yeah cause it sounds like babies dying

 andrea: i don't even know what to liken it to..

  it was upsetting

PS: If anyone can find me a link to the clip of Maya Rudolph's re-appearance as Whitney Houston on SNL this past Saturday, I will love you forever and buy you a drink or... something.  It is crucial to Andrea and mine's growing collection of videos to loudly re-enact on the subway.

The Weekly Widget and Sassoon: in which we attempt to motivate ourselves and show early signs of bad parenting skills

The thought of ever maybe possibly being a parent is TERRIFYING to me.  What if you forget them at the grocery store?  What if they're boring?  What if you break them??  Man, I ask those questions about myself.

molly: grug

i'm working saturdays for the next two weeks

  at least my overtime pay starts tomorrow

 andrea: oh man, that sucks

  but overtime pay doesn't suck

  i don't work on daturday

but i'm broke broke broke

  ha! daturday

 molly: it could be dadurday - a dad's lame attempt at weekend bonding

  "c'mon kids, get up, we're all going for pancakes and a baseball game because it's DADURDAY!"

andrea: hahaha! that sounds MISERABLE

 molly: "and then you're going to shut up and get me beers while i watch the news"

andrea: oh man, i want a beer

  and dinner

i was going to go to the gym after work, but i'm so hungry, i don't think i'll make it through

molly: eat a snack before you go

andrea: blaaaargh

 molly: you'll feel so much better after, i bet!

 andrea: what if i drink a beer instead, and just go tomorrow?

  i bet i will too, but i'm so laaaazy

  i haven't gone all week

  i'm the worst

also, i fucking hate two year olds

molly: me too

  they're so self-involved

  it's like "me! me! me!" all the time

 andrea: you should see him, sitting here staring at me

 molly: jesus, kid, just learn how to cook your own omelet already

 andrea: can you think of nothing else to do but stare at me, baby?!

HAHAHAHA

  aren't babies supposed to play?!

he has toys for days, but he just stares at me!

  or tries to hang all over me!

if I stand up, he'll stand up, but otherwise, he just lies on the ground like a despondent little midget

WOOPSH!

Stop whatever you're doing, have yourself a sit-down, and watch this amazing video:



I don't even know where to begin my praises...
Kid Cudi AND Snoop!
Big cardboard car!
Cudi eats his cereal out of a mixing bowl!
Hilarious bouncy dance moves!
The words "BIDNESS" and "WOOPSH" are involved!

This was the perfect start to my Sunday morning.

The only sad part: isn't Snoop looking OLD?