I smell pancakes and gin

Oh good god holy shit. Someone has taken my dreams and packaged them into a restaurant: PERMANENT BRUNCH! You guys, it serves all brunch all the time!! You can get fancy caramelized plum pancakes and mushroom-ricotta eggs at 1:00 in the AM if you want! Genius.

Oh and it gets better: it is a block away from my favoritest bar. Anyone want get waffles and then gin and then dance to Al Green on the jukebox all night?

Birthdays was the worst days, now we sip champagne when we thirs-tay

As you may have noticed, I listen to and love every kind of music. I spend much of my time reliving my dream past with David Bowie, The Who, Velvet Underground, and The Clash, but I also appreciate some Miles Davis and Liza Minnelli (LIZA!). And sure, OK, I recently rediscovered my original cast recording of Chess and sang along with the whole thing (hey, the show birthed the ditty "One Night In Bangkok" mmkay?)

But you know what's in the forefront of my mind right now? HIP HOP. Pure, unadulterated ODB, Mos Def, De La Soul, and company. This is mainly because I've started taking hip hop dance classes again and have become introduced to current hip hop/pop/dance that I wouldn't be listening to otherwise. Kids, Bev B is the coolest and if you ever find yourself in midtown twiddling your thumbs you better get your butt into BDC and take one of her classes. It's worth it if only to hear her yell "look in the murrr" (look in the mirror) and "crump it! crump it! booty!" (flail wildly).

ANYWAY. I had a point here somewhere.... oh yes: if I had it my way and didn't have to work all day and magically still had a steady flow of cash, I would take dance classes all day and throw dance-off parties at night. Let's have mini one right now, shall we? Here's my lineup of choice:

This not only has a good warmup beat, but is also a sweet video. Stretch it out, but move yo' head:

And then we gotta - GOTTA - follow it with this.




I'm starting to give in to Lady Gaga's charms. It's bad. Also: we totally learned a dance to this in my class so if you ever in the club and I be there and this drops... check yourself.

And then, sure, yes, we should crump and booty shake to this:



LOOK IN THE MURRR!

*PS: Sorry I can't fit in the whole width of the videos. I tried to edit the HTML code but then messed up my entire blog and had to re-design it from memory because I don't actually know how to edit HTML so... just follow the link to watch full screen. Okey-doke???

The Weekly Widget and Sassoon: work shmerk baby jerk

Not only does Dreaface have the patience to deal with dumb babies all day (she is a NANNY, folks - Mary Poppins whatwhaaaat?), she is also an excellent stylist of every fashion. I want her to pick out my outfits every morning and then follow me around with a camera. Needy? Definitely.

• 9/19/08 - 11:30am

andrea: dear god thank god its friday

molly: no joke

of course it's going to go by soooo slowly though since i don't have much to do

andrea: i haven't even finished my first cup of coffee yet

i barely started it

and she's been screaming for an hour and a half

molly: where's baby nyquil when you need it?

man, i will never understand the screaming endurance of babies

andrea: seriously, you would think someone is pulling her skin off

and she does this everyday to one degree or another

because she's tired

tired

GO TO SLEEP BABY

molly: yeah, don't cry about it, weirdo

i don't get it either

andrea: i'm going to throw myself out a window

molly: nnoooooo i need you to be alive so you can fix my hair!

um... and love me

FYI: I'm pretty sure Drea has already abandoned The Weekly Widget & Sassoon. Tears. I'm going to try to keep it up anyway because it forces me to at least write a teeny tiny bit in here every week and gives me an excuse to sort through every gchat conversation ever. Although, I'd like to point out that she's the one who got all CAPS LOCK at me when we birthed this:

• 6/8/09 - 12:57pm

andrea: we should each just go through our archives and post a different chat on our own blog every day until we run out

still kind of like stealing the idea, only...i really want to do it and ours are better anyways

molly: yes, me too

we wouldn't even have to do it every day

because i'm a slacker

andrea: you wouldn't remember

what about one a week?

molly: it's true

yesssss

omgeeee do it today!

but surprise me!

and then i'll post one and maybe it will be the same one because we share a brain!

andrea: yes!

BUT YOU HAVE TO DO IT!

we'll do it every monday!

molly: deal!!

But she posts, like, actual photos about her real live life and stuff on her blog on a fairly consistent basis so maybe our blogs just complement one another more nicely. When my lack of relevance and photos bores you, head on over there. But in the meantime, stick around for some snarky references to the past and meandering thoughts.

I can't wait for the Forever 21 knock-off versions

I wonder... how do runway models keep straight faces?


Also: I wonder if there is a PETA for Muppets somewhere composing angry letters to Jean-Charles de Castelbajac.

Thanks to Popserious for exposing me to this madness.

The Weekly Widget and Sassoon: boys, you probably want to skip this one

Maybe we have a future in writing copy for those dumb ads in teen magazines.

• 7/27/08 - 11:36pm

molly: great time to try on bathing suits and dresses

i'm a midol commercial

andrea: you are not, because i'm not there to hand you a brownie

and then we laugh and twinkle together

except in my commercial then we both look at the camera and say "BLOOD"

with big smiles

molly: your commercial wins

i think after we say that we would also kick each other in the shins

and then cry about it

because we are so full of hormonal anger

andrea: YES

molly: and then say BLOOD again

andrea: YES

best commercial EVER

EVER

"Apparently, Cory would rather listen to the game then try and understand the emotional content of Romeo & Juliet."

When I was in my awkward pre-teen, junior high years, I started buying those lame "teen celebrity" magazines - like Big Bopper and Tiger Beat, ugh - with the pull-out posters. My friends and I were way into Joey Lawrence, Rider Strong, and Jonathan Taylor Thomas (affectionately known as just "JTT").

(I was actually smitten with Dean Cain and religiously watched "Lois & Clark: the New Adventures of Superman"... but that's another story for another time.)

Rider Strong, especially, was the big heartthrob of our age group. As the tortured adolescent bad-boy Shawn Hunter on "Boy Meets World," he won us over with his skater hair and flannels.

I admit that he was the hook that initially got me to watch the show, but soon I got sucked in to the plot every "TGIF" Friday.

Which is why this article blew me away today. It sounds like Owen Roberts and I had similar childhoods in terms of TV pop culture. Although I did have a television, we only got about six channels on a good day and I was not allowed to watch TV on school nights (unless it was "Family Ties," "The Cosby Show," or "Life Goes On" - because those are wholesome, I guess). So my exposure to the cool stuff was limited to the TGIF blocks of quirky-family-and-friends comedies.


I always ended up watching "Boy Meets World," but not until now had I thought so deeply about the Cory-Topanga and Cory-Shawn dynamics. In fact, Cory Matthews as a whole is a surprisingly empty character in comparison to everyone else.

Does this say something deep and significant about our generation? Are we all like Cory, directionless and hopelessly "average?"

As Owen says:

What gives my life meaning? My own sense of self-worth has been derived, though not so self-consciously, from various "passions" over the years, and then, you know, family and friends and girls. For a while it was playing soccer, and then music, and then reading books, with a fair amount of overlap, all things that can be done well or not well. But I have often questioned, like Cory, whether I have any talent, the kind of talent that would justify doing those kinds of things in a way that would make other people notice or even give me money.

Read the rest of the article here.

Damn, this is getting pretty heavy for a Friday. Why don't we all just YouTube some episodes and admire Topanga's killer hair, OK? OK.


Also: THANKS This Recording! I've found enough procrastination reading for at least the next two weeks!

The Weekly Widget and Sassoon: spice up your life with bad grammar

Some people get bored and join a sports team or take a trip to an exotic land. We just drop letters and verbs:

• 2/5/08 - 12:52am

andrea:

in order to spice up life, i am going to start typing like this:

i a m typ ing li ke t his

i w ant spac es wh ere spa ces shoul d n ot b e

molly: and i will no verbs

this fun

andrea: s ee , i' m no goo d a t gramm ar. I wou d o mit al l th e wr ong thing s

molly: whoa! forecast here wednesday 62 degrees

earth hot

andrea: earth over man

earth over

no more polar bears or penguins

except on lost island

molly: and maybe planet of the apes.

We funny.

I guess I just wasn't made for these times

All I want to do is dye my hair black again and tease it into a giant poof and get into shenanigans like the Maries in Daisies:



I want to look like this every day:

Yes, weird bumpy hair and all.

When someone figures out how to get back to 1966, they better take me with them.

The Weekly Widget and Sassoon: I'm here to help

• 7/18/08 - 11:00am

andrea: migraine

and you're gonna have the best night ever

and i hate you

molly: excedrin, lady

The Weekly Widget and Sassoon: how most conversations go

• 1/9/08 - 11:32am

molly:i put fresh ginger in my travel mug a few days ago and now my coffee keeps tasting like ginger

i need a new travel mug andrea: ew.

molly: and stronger coffee

andrea: why would you ever do that?

ew.

molly: it's the best cure for a cold, i swear

steep fresh ginger slice and 1/4 lemon in hot water, add a big spoonful of honey and you're cured

andrea: what ginger coffee?

ginger beer

molly: just don't put it in a travel mug

andrea: ginger balls

ginger ale

molly: no no, now my coffee tastes like ginger bc of that

andrea: ginger rodgers

molly: whateverzzzzzz

ginger FACE

We are so mature.

Also, that whole idea of me posting other exciting things in between these weekly posts? Totally not happening. Maybe I need to start another weekly series called "random blog posts" and see how that works.

The Weekly Widget and Sassoon: why I stick with pineapple

I still gag a little when I read this.

• 12/7/07 - 11:21pm

andrea: goddammit i hate paypal

molly: i glanced at that and thought you said "i hate papaya"

i was going to tell you to calm down, it's just fruit

andrea: i DO hate papaya

molly: me too

andrea: don't you hush me up

molly: it smells like vomit

andrea: it looks like vomit too

vomit. fruit-shaped

molly: with seeds

andrea: ew

molly: SEED VOMIT

VOMIT OF THE SEEDS

I LOVE CAPS LOCK

andrea: ME TOOOOOOOO

VOMIT SEEDS

WOOOOOOOOOO

Hasn't killed my love of caps lock though.

The Weekly Widget and Sassoon: fantasy politics

• 1/6/08 - 11:07pm

molly: i was going to tell you to listen to the debate but it's just ending

andrea: ew. no

you just give me tho mollystyle highlightsmolly: well i spaced out a little toward the end

but near the beginning they totally set up hilary and barack for a face off

andrea: Man, I need to bone up before the lection

I don't know anything about either of their platforms

molly: charlie gibson was basically all like "so hilary, you say barack obama doesn't ever get specific about any of his issues, why don't you explain why you hate him"

andrea: and all i read of the times are the arts & science sections

molly: and i was all "oooohh snap"

andrea: (just like college! ew.)

molly: yeah you gotta

GOTTA

andrea: and she was all "cuz he's a beeeoootch"

molly: and then barack jumped up and kicked in the face

ZING

andrea: and then they had a dance fight

a JAZZ DANCE FIGHT

molly: yeah the debates would be much more interesting if it just turned into celebrity deathmatch

oh MAN that would kill me

andrea: no no, celebrity dance match

so much more creative than coming up with speeches and prepared answers

in my movie, the world makes no sense

Fancy

Since I seem to have given up on ever getting a real night's sleep, I decided to instead take these precious moments to class up the place a bit more.

The new header is thanks to Liz Wolfe. I discovered her art one day and got excited about it, mainly because it features CANDY! And WEIRD THINGS! So thanks, Liz, even though I don't know you for real real. I think it would be the best thanks if all four of you avid readers go check out her website and start loving it too. Do it.

Meanwhile I'm going to force myself asleep and hopefully not have weird dreams from listening to Pink Floyd at 1:00am.

Widget and Sassoon will blow your mind

It's Monday. It's boring. Andrea and I are job-hating. So why not start a weekly series of ridiculous conversations? Yes? YES.

Enter The Weekly Widget and Sassoon, which will be brought to you fresh every Monday. I'm not gonna lie, we totally stole this idea from Jed and Sara, but maybe they stole it from Dave and Staci and maybe a zillion other blogs doing it because the internet is killing all my "original" thoughts.

ANYWAY we have so many gems archived in Gchat that we can't keep it to ourselves anymore. Also, my blog is suffering from a lack of interesting topics so this will guarantee that I actually post more than once a month.

"Why the hell are you weirdos calling yourselves Widget and Sassoon," you ask? I don't really know. It was Halloween and we were drunk on 40s and mini wines and pretending we were in a Wes Anderson movie.


So YEAH! Let's DO this! I'm too busy (read: LAZY) to search way way back for the super gems, but here's a taste from February to get you started:

• 2/19/09 - 11:55am

andrea: there's nothing like buying monistat from a grumpy old man first thing in the morning

just nothing.

molly: i hope you gave him sexy eyes

andrea: i'm pretty sure i gave him grumpy eyes...

molly: darn

i almost irished my coffee this morning

came real close

allison had some jameson sitting out and i was like... what if...

andrea: ph MAN

or "oh man"

molly: pppphhhh man is good too

i hear it

andrea: what if...your day was AWESOME

molly: HA

true

Check back every Monday for more! And check out Andrea's blog too! We'll each be posting a different favorite chat, in no particular order. Although there is a chance we may post the same one some week because we have the SAME BRAIN. I actually wanted to call this series SAME BRAIN but Andrea thought that was lame. She's probably right. Although I don't know how hip Widget and Sassoon is either. Whatevs. You'll love it.

Spring cleaning

It's springtime, which means I'm wide awake and deciding that everything needs to be cleaned up and pastel and white-ish.

So... wipe your feet.

I have only worn gym clothes and pajamas all day

I swear Crunch saves all their best videos for Saturdays. This was the actual lineup I saw today while sweating profusely:

Billy Joel - "Tell Her About It"

Talking Heads - "Road To Nowhere"

Violent Femmes - "Blister in the Sun"




Blondie - "The Tide is High"

And - for a big finish - Dexy's Midnight Runners - "Come On Eileen"

Goddamn. That was an amazing time on the elliptical, let me tell you.

Also: I want every outfit that every chick is wearing in these videos. Except maybe Eileen's overalls.

Cat injection!

I've been getting allergy shots for a really long time now. OK, by "really long time" I mean about a year and a half. It just feels like it's been going on forevvvvver. My body is apparently taking a long time to build up a solid defense to the things I'm allergic to, specifically dust mites and cats. It weirds me out a little to get the allergy itself injected into my arm, but I guess that's the only way.

Besides the fun of having an excuse to get out of my office is the fun of chatting with my crazy allergist. I won't give you his full name for fear that you will steal him away from me and learn to do better impressions of him than me, so for now he'll just be Dr. M. Here's a sample conversation that we had today:

Dr. M: "How was your last shot?"

Me: "OK. Well, actually my eyelid swelled up again. [For real - this actually happens pretty frequently] Why is that? Is it because it's near my sinuses?"

Dr. M: "No."

There is a long silence. I can't tell if he's prepping the shot or just pausing for drama. Then he whips around and looks at me all serious:

Dr. M: "Your cells have something called a 'sensory memory.' When your body is under attack, your cells can react in unpredictable ways. I don't like that. I'm lowering your dosage."

Wow, DRAMA.

Me: "Oh... that's uh... interesting."

Dr. M: "No, it's not interesting, it's WEIRD."

You said it, Doc.

He is just full to the brim with dramatic moments. Sometimes he's lecturing me on how to do my taxes and other times he's muttering about these kids today and their iPod phones. He's like that uncle you getting cornered into talking to at family gatherings and suddenly you've been talking about how wind-up watches are better than battery watches for like 25 minutes and all you can think about is how he's blocking your access to the hummus.

I'm afraid I can't do that Dave...

Um... whoa.



Will this just be a fancier version of 2001 or will it actually be awesome? I'm keeping my fingers crossed for a man-vs-computer knife fight.

Housekeepiiiiiiing!

This morning I dropped a mushroom behind the microwave, which sits on a handy rolling cabinet thingy.

When I rolled out the cabinet and poked around with the Swiffer, I found not only the mushroom, but a sponge, a few packets of Splenda, a ladle, and a packet of ramen. I'm not kidding.

Sooooo... might be time to clean the kitchen.

I need to get out more

Warning: I may already be asleep as I'm writing this.

Here's a rough breakdown of my average day lately: roll out of bed at 7:45am wondering why the hell I'm awake, propel myself to work with caffeine, spend 8 to 10 hours smiling and nodding doing shit that no one else wants to do, jet to my evening box office job for 2 more hours of smiling and nodding, propel myself to the gym for as long as I can handle, get home around 11:00pm, eat cucumbers and tortilla chips and drink lots of gin, then finally collapse into bed. And then wake up and do it all over again. I'm starting to forget what day it is.

BUT, hallelujah, there is a moment of zen. OK, two moments if we count gin. Or three if we count sleeping on the subway. OK OK, but the TOP moment of zen is going to the gym. For reals. I know, I know, but I'm one of those weirdos who actually likes the gym, mainly because it gets out a lot of pent up aggression and gives me the illusion that I'm getting svelte. And and AND because... there are endless ridiculous music videos to watch.

That's right. I recently joined Crunch and, while at first I was mad that they don't have endless cable channels like my old YMCA, I have slowly become obsessed with their heavily curated music video channels. The top one by far is the "'80s Pop" channel. I can't tell you how many times "Nasty," "Forever Your Girl," and "The Metro" have powered me through a tough incline run. But then - oh wow - I saw the gem of them all yesterday: Sting's "We'll Be Together".

Oh crap, I don't know how to embed a video, but please please follow that link. It's amazing. Here's a screen capture teaser:

(PS: Kurt Cobain totally stole this look about 4 years later.)

The highlights:
- Sting wears a gigantic sweater with a picture of Olive Oyl on it.
- He plays a charmingly scruffy artist and faces off with a douchier version of himself for the affections of a lady who looks vaguely like Cate Blanchett.
- There are some amazing Paula Abdul-esque dance moves, including drunken-fight dancing. And chair dancing. And push-ups dancing. And chicken dancing. WIN.

WOW I need a social life. But don't you feel like having a dance-off now? I do. But I should probably try out this "sleep" thing instead.

**This just in: the more cultured and observant Andrea noticed that Sting's sweater does not have a picture of Olive Oyl, but TinTin. Either way... wish I had those knitting skills. Or any. I guess Drea wins a sticker or something. (4/2)