They make it look so easy

I am currently in the thick of my standard Sunday Night Blues with a dash of Starting-To-Get-A-Cold and I'm feeling a little miserable about things. Thank god for this:



Not only is it a great song, but the backup dancers are prime examples of how to correctly smile through an awkward moment. I get the impression that the producer of this show just walked into a random high school, pulled five cute girls out of cheerleading practice, and gave them 10 minutes to come up with some moves. Watch around the 1:08 mark when the girls in the front try to correct one another - HA. The girl on the middle left is my fave - she's got the MOVES.

Let this be a lesson in perseverance to you, kids: when life gives you a stage, you better dance on it. But don't forget that even though Stevie Wonder can't see you, everyone else can.

(Thanks to Jezebel for sharing)

The Weekly Widget and Sassoon: why I live in Queens now

When I still lived in Brooklyn, I had a crazypants roommate named Margaret. Yep, that's her real name. Not even gonna change it because I doubt she knows this blog exists. If she does? Oh, hey, HI Margaret! You were a CRAZYPANTS ROOMMATE. But no hard feelings. Hopefully you're living in a happier place now where people fill the Brita to the right level, the silverware isn't exposed to the air, and your hairs are allowed to thrive all over the bathtub.

ANYway... this is a good example of how I felt about living there:

• 10/15/08 - 11:47am

molly: oops i still haven't told margaret you're coming this weekend

i've barely seen her

let's surprise her and hope she leaves :)

andrea: woop!

molly: let's sneak into her open room while she's sleeping and just stand over her bed with beers in hand until she wakes up

andrea: i'm all in molly: amazing

When the first cup of coffee tastes like washing up / you know she's losing it

I saw a woman on the subway this morning with socks that said LISA and I was so excited. Never mind that this woman was probably pushing 60 and didn't need name socks, but still - name socks! Then I got closer and realized, oh, they don't say LISA at all. They say USA. Damn it.

I hate today already.

The Weekly Widget and Sassoon: I hate Tuesdays too

Long weekends and Monday holidays are wonderful but they make that back-to-work Tuesday even more painful. You're trying to squish more work into less days and all you want to do is be back at a weekday brunch drinking bellinis. That's when it's nice when the train "suddenly" takes an extra long time. Or you "accidentally" sleep in.

• 11/13/08 - 12:22pm

molly: so i didn't set my alarm and slept until 10 this morning

oops....

andrea: WOOPS

molly: luckily i didn't miss anything important

and i feel nice and rested

i should do this all the time

Killing more fond adolescent memories...

Oh god, really? REALLY? A Green Day musical??

This photo is just... weird:

And Mike Dirnt looks like he'd really rather be elsewhere.

To be fair, American Idiot is miles away from the Green Day of my junior high years. Somebody call me when they make Kerplunk or Dookie into a musical. Now that I would see.

Take a look! It's in a book! But not on TV!

Sad news, friends: "Reading Rainbow" is ending after 26 years of read-alouds. It's found its last pot of literary gold. It's closed the back cover. It's run out of Dewey decimals. It's... ehhh that's all I got.

To be honest, I kind of forgot it was still on, but it always held a warm, nostalgic place in my heart. Plus, it helped me to make the distinction that LeVar Burton was not Geordi La Forge and he was not actually blind, but he was an actor and he liked cool books. (Many years later I would discover Roots and be further confused yet impressed by his career path.)

But most importantly, it reminded us that reading was FUN. Even though it's a bit of an oxymoron to be reading books through TV, I know I still got excited to check out kickass new picture books at the library. Sadly, my local library did not live up to all this hype:



WHOA. Did you hear that sassy librarian hit those belting notes? Also: does anyone else really want neon pink pants right now?

So: thanks LeVar and friends. Without you, I'm sure I would not be as literate as I am today (or as into "Star Trek: The Next Generation"). I'm also sure that we wouldn't have this:



But you don't have to take my word for it... :) :)

Thanks to BUST for filling me in.

The Weekly Widget and Sassoon: did I ever mention I once had mono?

Last year Andrea got to go to the beach for a long weekend and she rubbed it all up in my face while I was withering away eating ice pops and watching "Six Feet Under."

What a dick.

Just kidding.

(95% kidding.)

• 9/5/08 - 3:56pm

andrea: BEEEEEACH

why aren't you heeeere?

me: go away miss vacation face

because i have a SUCK JOB and MONO

andrea: ugh

mono. no

me: no kidding

so do you have wireless on the beach or something??

because then i hate you more

andrea: wireless in the house, house next to the beach

me: poop

andrea: its awesome

like a last hurrah for summertime

me: POOP

The Weekly Widget and Sassoon: human burrito

Just add salsa!!

• 8/26/08 - 9:56pm

molly: you would be proud, lindsay and i had burritos

oh AND she showed me the awesome pic on her phone of you eating a burrito

andrea: because secretly, I AM a burrito!

A HA

molly: I KNEW IT

you always smelled suspiciously of beans and guac

um... in a good way

andrea: its comin outta my pores

mmmm

Move your errrmms!

I am on a lovely "staycation" this week (side note: I really hate the word "staycation" but can't stop using it all the time - stop me) and so took some time to pop into a dance class this evening. I came away with some of the best Bev quotes/life lessons ever.

• On stretching: "Move your head into eternity!"
• On being ghetto: "Some of y'all need to visit Harlem. Well... some of y'all should bring a friend."
• On... crowding, maybe?: "Move all the way up to the mirror! This is New York City and some people are homeless!"

LOVE IT.

The Weekly Widget and Sassoon: career opportunities

This was about the time when I really started to question what the hell I'm doing with my life. I haven't come up with an answer yet.

• 3/18/08 - 12:47pm

andrea: i can't believe they won't let you drink in the office anymore

i mean what is this? russia?

molly: it's getting there

theatre is russia

andrea: we need to get you a new job

molly: do it

preferably in italy

Somebody in here it's your birthday

Yesterday my blog turned four years old.  If cukr kazdy den were a human, it would now be a hyperactive, overdramatic, pre-diabetic toddler.  And if I were a good mother, I would have celebrated this yesterday but I am currently absorbing the 55-odd hours of sweaty laughter that is the Del Close Marathon.  (I'll try to give a rundown of this madness later, but so far let me just say that Horatio Sanz is looking svelte and John Gemberling is still opposed to wearing shirts.)  ANYWAY...

HAPPY BIRTHDAY, BLOG!!  I started you out of complete boredom during a box office job and now look how you've blossomed.   We've laughed, we've cried, we've drunk too much booze and eaten too much sugar - and isn't that what life's all about?  Well no... I'm sure life's actually about a lot more than that.  But I'm only 25 and what do I know?  

I'm half asleep.

Let's eat some Funfetti.

The Weekly Widget and Sassoon: I heart Web MD

Hey, remember when I had mono? That was no fun. I was bored out my mind and just surfed the internets all day reading terrible things. Good thing Andrea is my voice of reason.

• 8/16/08 - 3:08pm

molly: oh my god, i'm reading horrible things about mono

apparently if my liver is damaged badly enough, i may have to avoid alcohol for up to a YEAR

andrea: STOP

molly: i thought i used up all my bad karma!!

i know it, i need to stop

i'm convincing myself i'm getting hepatitis now

andrea: you DO NOT HAVE HEPATITIS

molly: but what if i dooooo? what if that's why i'm dehydrated??

oh wait, i think i've had that vaccine

so unless my vaccine didn't work, you're probably right

it's just a ruined liver

sigh

andrea: you're fine

you weirdo

The Weekly Widget and Sassoon: drunk, drunk on the range

This evening I met some expensive scotch. And I met it HARD. If I were to have a conversation with myself right now it would probably sound a lot like this:

• 7/25/08 - 12:41am

andrea: lonesome drunkie

drunken on whiskey

whiskey and saddlebags

made of tequila

on the prairie

molly: i want a saddlebag made of tequila!

Now if you'll excuse me, I have half a bag of pita chips to eat and some Wham! to listen to. Thanks scotch.

I smell pancakes and gin

Oh good god holy shit. Someone has taken my dreams and packaged them into a restaurant: PERMANENT BRUNCH! You guys, it serves all brunch all the time!! You can get fancy caramelized plum pancakes and mushroom-ricotta eggs at 1:00 in the AM if you want! Genius.

Oh and it gets better: it is a block away from my favoritest bar. Anyone want get waffles and then gin and then dance to Al Green on the jukebox all night?

Birthdays was the worst days, now we sip champagne when we thirs-tay

As you may have noticed, I listen to and love every kind of music. I spend much of my time reliving my dream past with David Bowie, The Who, Velvet Underground, and The Clash, but I also appreciate some Miles Davis and Liza Minnelli (LIZA!). And sure, OK, I recently rediscovered my original cast recording of Chess and sang along with the whole thing (hey, the show birthed the ditty "One Night In Bangkok" mmkay?)

But you know what's in the forefront of my mind right now? HIP HOP. Pure, unadulterated ODB, Mos Def, De La Soul, and company. This is mainly because I've started taking hip hop dance classes again and have become introduced to current hip hop/pop/dance that I wouldn't be listening to otherwise. Kids, Bev B is the coolest and if you ever find yourself in midtown twiddling your thumbs you better get your butt into BDC and take one of her classes. It's worth it if only to hear her yell "look in the murrr" (look in the mirror) and "crump it! crump it! booty!" (flail wildly).

ANYWAY. I had a point here somewhere.... oh yes: if I had it my way and didn't have to work all day and magically still had a steady flow of cash, I would take dance classes all day and throw dance-off parties at night. Let's have mini one right now, shall we? Here's my lineup of choice:

This not only has a good warmup beat, but is also a sweet video. Stretch it out, but move yo' head:

And then we gotta - GOTTA - follow it with this.




I'm starting to give in to Lady Gaga's charms. It's bad. Also: we totally learned a dance to this in my class so if you ever in the club and I be there and this drops... check yourself.

And then, sure, yes, we should crump and booty shake to this:



LOOK IN THE MURRR!

*PS: Sorry I can't fit in the whole width of the videos. I tried to edit the HTML code but then messed up my entire blog and had to re-design it from memory because I don't actually know how to edit HTML so... just follow the link to watch full screen. Okey-doke???

The Weekly Widget and Sassoon: work shmerk baby jerk

Not only does Dreaface have the patience to deal with dumb babies all day (she is a NANNY, folks - Mary Poppins whatwhaaaat?), she is also an excellent stylist of every fashion. I want her to pick out my outfits every morning and then follow me around with a camera. Needy? Definitely.

• 9/19/08 - 11:30am

andrea: dear god thank god its friday

molly: no joke

of course it's going to go by soooo slowly though since i don't have much to do

andrea: i haven't even finished my first cup of coffee yet

i barely started it

and she's been screaming for an hour and a half

molly: where's baby nyquil when you need it?

man, i will never understand the screaming endurance of babies

andrea: seriously, you would think someone is pulling her skin off

and she does this everyday to one degree or another

because she's tired

tired

GO TO SLEEP BABY

molly: yeah, don't cry about it, weirdo

i don't get it either

andrea: i'm going to throw myself out a window

molly: nnoooooo i need you to be alive so you can fix my hair!

um... and love me

FYI: I'm pretty sure Drea has already abandoned The Weekly Widget & Sassoon. Tears. I'm going to try to keep it up anyway because it forces me to at least write a teeny tiny bit in here every week and gives me an excuse to sort through every gchat conversation ever. Although, I'd like to point out that she's the one who got all CAPS LOCK at me when we birthed this:

• 6/8/09 - 12:57pm

andrea: we should each just go through our archives and post a different chat on our own blog every day until we run out

still kind of like stealing the idea, only...i really want to do it and ours are better anyways

molly: yes, me too

we wouldn't even have to do it every day

because i'm a slacker

andrea: you wouldn't remember

what about one a week?

molly: it's true

yesssss

omgeeee do it today!

but surprise me!

and then i'll post one and maybe it will be the same one because we share a brain!

andrea: yes!

BUT YOU HAVE TO DO IT!

we'll do it every monday!

molly: deal!!

But she posts, like, actual photos about her real live life and stuff on her blog on a fairly consistent basis so maybe our blogs just complement one another more nicely. When my lack of relevance and photos bores you, head on over there. But in the meantime, stick around for some snarky references to the past and meandering thoughts.

I can't wait for the Forever 21 knock-off versions

I wonder... how do runway models keep straight faces?


Also: I wonder if there is a PETA for Muppets somewhere composing angry letters to Jean-Charles de Castelbajac.

Thanks to Popserious for exposing me to this madness.

The Weekly Widget and Sassoon: boys, you probably want to skip this one

Maybe we have a future in writing copy for those dumb ads in teen magazines.

• 7/27/08 - 11:36pm

molly: great time to try on bathing suits and dresses

i'm a midol commercial

andrea: you are not, because i'm not there to hand you a brownie

and then we laugh and twinkle together

except in my commercial then we both look at the camera and say "BLOOD"

with big smiles

molly: your commercial wins

i think after we say that we would also kick each other in the shins

and then cry about it

because we are so full of hormonal anger

andrea: YES

molly: and then say BLOOD again

andrea: YES

best commercial EVER

EVER

"Apparently, Cory would rather listen to the game then try and understand the emotional content of Romeo & Juliet."

When I was in my awkward pre-teen, junior high years, I started buying those lame "teen celebrity" magazines - like Big Bopper and Tiger Beat, ugh - with the pull-out posters. My friends and I were way into Joey Lawrence, Rider Strong, and Jonathan Taylor Thomas (affectionately known as just "JTT").

(I was actually smitten with Dean Cain and religiously watched "Lois & Clark: the New Adventures of Superman"... but that's another story for another time.)

Rider Strong, especially, was the big heartthrob of our age group. As the tortured adolescent bad-boy Shawn Hunter on "Boy Meets World," he won us over with his skater hair and flannels.

I admit that he was the hook that initially got me to watch the show, but soon I got sucked in to the plot every "TGIF" Friday.

Which is why this article blew me away today. It sounds like Owen Roberts and I had similar childhoods in terms of TV pop culture. Although I did have a television, we only got about six channels on a good day and I was not allowed to watch TV on school nights (unless it was "Family Ties," "The Cosby Show," or "Life Goes On" - because those are wholesome, I guess). So my exposure to the cool stuff was limited to the TGIF blocks of quirky-family-and-friends comedies.


I always ended up watching "Boy Meets World," but not until now had I thought so deeply about the Cory-Topanga and Cory-Shawn dynamics. In fact, Cory Matthews as a whole is a surprisingly empty character in comparison to everyone else.

Does this say something deep and significant about our generation? Are we all like Cory, directionless and hopelessly "average?"

As Owen says:

What gives my life meaning? My own sense of self-worth has been derived, though not so self-consciously, from various "passions" over the years, and then, you know, family and friends and girls. For a while it was playing soccer, and then music, and then reading books, with a fair amount of overlap, all things that can be done well or not well. But I have often questioned, like Cory, whether I have any talent, the kind of talent that would justify doing those kinds of things in a way that would make other people notice or even give me money.

Read the rest of the article here.

Damn, this is getting pretty heavy for a Friday. Why don't we all just YouTube some episodes and admire Topanga's killer hair, OK? OK.


Also: THANKS This Recording! I've found enough procrastination reading for at least the next two weeks!

The Weekly Widget and Sassoon: spice up your life with bad grammar

Some people get bored and join a sports team or take a trip to an exotic land. We just drop letters and verbs:

• 2/5/08 - 12:52am

andrea:

in order to spice up life, i am going to start typing like this:

i a m typ ing li ke t his

i w ant spac es wh ere spa ces shoul d n ot b e

molly: and i will no verbs

this fun

andrea: s ee , i' m no goo d a t gramm ar. I wou d o mit al l th e wr ong thing s

molly: whoa! forecast here wednesday 62 degrees

earth hot

andrea: earth over man

earth over

no more polar bears or penguins

except on lost island

molly: and maybe planet of the apes.

We funny.