OK FINE

It's about 5pm on New Year's Eve and I still have no idea what I'm doing tonight.  I'm slightly sick, very broke, and feeling disgruntled about every outfit I own so going "out" is slowly being crossed off the list.  It's looking like I'll either be headed to my bud Rebecca's parents' loft to drink and slide around the floor in my socks or staying here to drink and... not wear socks.  I'm edging toward Rebecca's parents' place if only because it will ensure that I take a shower and change out of gym clothes.

I keep trying to make some "Best Of" lists, but I really suck at it.  Instead, I'll leave you with some self-centered, stream-of-consciousness thoughts about my decade and my year.  Deal with it.

THOUGHTS ABOUT THE DECADE (aka THE OHs) (aka THE AUGHTS):
- The end of high school.  Did I ever mention that my prom theme was "2001: A Space Odyssey"?  And that it was under a circus tent and there was popcorn and cotton candy?  What the crap was that about?
- I miss college dining halls because you could eat frozen yogurt and Froot Loops for breakfast and your mom couldn't care.
- I was a big dork about Brecht for a long while.

I still kinda am.
- Going to Prague for a semester was the best decision ever.  I discovered gin & tonic, Egon Schiele,

Viennese coffee, and Daft Punk.  And it's a nice pretentious thing to throw into conversations.
- I used to live in a giant house on Fletcher Place in Burlington, VT that we called "Sketcher Fletcher." It was freezing and usually dirty.
- Summer theatre jobs = mostly slave labor.
- Living in London for six months is tied as "best decision ever." I would move back there in a heartbeat.
- I've only lived in NYC for about 2.7 years and I've already lived in three different boroughs.
- Discovering UCB and the people within it has been the perfect boost I needed to make me feel like I finally belong in this city.
- I can't listen to Pretty & Nice and not dance.

- I'm so glad I started listening to David Bowie.

THOUGHTS ABOUT THE YEAR 2009:
- Thank all the gods and all the stars that I no longer live in Brooklyn with crazypants.
- Blonde Redhead is never quite as good live as you want them to be.
- Biking in Astoria really isn't so terrifying.  Manhattan probably is though.
- I have so many un-listened-to podcasts and so little time.
- I will never stop loving the Dooce.
- Long-form improv is probably not as hard as my brain is trying to make it.
- Deerhoof and Ted Leo are always good live.

- I am turning into a horrible compulsive shopper.
- Hip hop class always makes me feel better.
- Oh my gosh, beets and radishes are actually pretty tasty!
- I'm so glad I still listen to David Bowie (every day).

Just a heads up, I'm totally going to refer to 2010 as "oh ten." Don't try and correct me.

HAPPY NEW YEAR, BEAUTIFUL PEOPLE!

The Weekly Widget and Sassoon: THE END (of the year... and the decade... and a bunch of celebs)

Well look at that: last Monday of the year.  Of the decade.  Of the "aughts" if you wanna be all trendy about it.  The blogs are abuzz with these "Best Of" and "End of an Era" lists and while in theory I'd like to make a list or two, in reality I'm a lazy ass.  I just got off an extra-long Bolt Bus ride from Boston back to NYC and bus rides are like a free pass for being super lazy all day.  Sure, I spent most of it napping and reading The Glass Castle (which is awesome so far, by the way) but, you guys, in order to pee I had to balance myself in a wobbly closet and we didn't stop for a break so I had to eat clementines and Christmas cookies for lunch!  Gaahhhhhhd.  So unfaaaaaaair.

Anyway.  End of the year and stuff.

What strikes me the most about 2009 is the amount of big name celebrities who died.  What's in your water, Hollywood?? Damn.  The fact that Farrah Fawcett and Michael Jackson died on the SAME DAY is crazy enough.  Andrea and I have our own theories about what really went down with MJ:

• 6/27/09 - 11:57pm
  

andrea: everyone's posting on the jackson slaying

  the universe slayed him

  he was called home by the mothership

 molly: slaying??

  ok, yeah

 andrea: "enough." it said

 molly: yeah, it said "whoa, whoa, your face is not even a face, you've got a lot of sweet singles, some box sets, some dance moves - why not quit while you're ahead?"

 andrea: HAHAHAHA

 molly: "also, michael - we have unicorns here"

  SOLD

 andrea: and he jumped right out of his own saggy alien skin

 molly: ack!

 andrea: right

 molly: maybe the coroners found his skin!

 andrea: aaaaaagh!

Totally plausible.

I'm on vacation this week so maybe I'll get my own little "Best Of" lists together while I avoid doing laundry and writing cover letters.  Uhhh... after I go to the gym and work off these cookie thighs.  And after I finish watching season three of "Mad Men."  So... maybe never.

The Weekly Widget and Sassoon: holidazzze

It is so spectacularly stupendous to be on vacation.  I was actually pretty productive today, but I'm taking an 11am bus home tomorrow and have not packed anything at all.  Instead I'm getting far too emotionally involved in Access Hollywood's coverage of Brittany Murphy's death (holy celebrity death year, 2009!) and eating tons of kettlecorn.  Once my roommates get home we're having our own mini Christmas with boozing and bonding.  Look at our Charlie-Brown-ish tree (in horrible Macbook camera lighting):

Awwww, cute.  The best part is that we actually have SNOW!  I ran around in it on Saturday night (during a Home Alone party!), but sadly it's already turned into dirty puddles.  Nothing fun about it once your socks get wet.

• 12/17/08 - 11:51am

molly: is it raining there?

 andrea: wintry mix

  ugh

 molly: i love that term "wintry mix"

  it makes me think that chex mix should be falling from the sky

 andrea: i hate it

  because it sounds fun

 molly: or candy canes and mittens

 andrea: exactly, but in reality, its awful
Hopefully things will be more festive in New Hampshire - at least there will be amazing Christmas vinyl to listen to!  Shake it, Herb!

The Weekly Widget and Sassoon: countdown to vacation

I only have 4.5 more days of work to get through and then it's TWO! WEEKS! OFF!  Yeah, roughly 6 days of that will be happy holiday family fun time, but the rest of it will be spent catching up with "Dexter" and cutting up magazines and baking things.  So exciting!  The closer I get, the harder it is to be patient.

• 6/18/09 - 9:47am

 molly: i've decided to take next thursday and friday off and my heart is already palpitating with excitement

 andrea: oh wow

  do you have the plans

molly: was that a question? like, did i get the secret plans? the treasure map you mailed me?

  yes

  yes i did

 the getaway car has been arranged

 andrea: good

 i got the elaborate costumes

 molly: phew

  and the rope? we're gonna need a LOT of rope

  and by rope i of course mean nerds rope

 for my low blood sugar

 andrea: i robbed the wonka factory dude

  we're all set

 molly: man we're gonna ROCK this rodeo!

I'd like to be under the sea

I don't quite know what this octopus is doing with that coconut shell, but I can't stop watching it.  It's creepy and fascinating all at once.

The Weekly Widget and Sassoon: I'm dying. (Maybe.) (Probably not.)

I am a baaaad hypochondriac.  Or, rather, a good hypochodriac?  I'm good at being a hypochondriac in a baaaad way - get it?  Basically, on any given day, I can surely describe to you a number of diseases that I have based on self diagnosis (with the help of Google).  Brain tumors, breast cancer, heart attack, aneurysm - I'm always on the verge of something.  Usually this paranoia is fleeting, but sometimes I need Andrea to talk me down:

• 3/26/08 - 11:54am

molly: i'm in hypochondria mode and i need you to convince me that i don't have laryngeal papillomatosis

 andrea: what the hell is that?

  that's not even a thing

 molly: it is! it is! it's what happening because my larynx is swelling up with disease!

http://www.nidcd.nih.gov/health/voice/laryngeal.asp

 after that you should read this: http://twitter.com/fireland

 andrea: no.

  you don't have that

  you have a sore throat

 molly: but it's swelling up with... tumor things

 andrea: no. it isn't.

  you're a lunatic.

 molly: true

  but

  tumors....

 andrea: you do not have tumors!

  not.

  no.

  nein

  NON.

i have to go to the store, don't you go tumoring it up all over town.

molly: fiiiiiine

By the way, Fireland will cure anything that ails you.  Or... at least distract you from your impulses to Google "deviated septum death."  (Ohhhhh god, maybe don't do that.)

Sashay on the boardwalk, scurry to the ditch

Holy crap! Everyone drop your Saturday night plans and come to this with me:

BOWIEBALL NYC!!!

It doesn't look like I can realistically go, but I'm still dreaming about it.  I have an improv show that night that probably won't be done until about 12:30 and I can't think of anyone who would glam up and come with me.

I'm tempted to go alone covered in sequins, if only to witness stuff like this firsthand:

Damn.  Maybe I just need to throw a Bowie theme party.

The Weekly Widget and Sassoon: the good old days

I stayed home from work today in an attempt to really concentrate on a search for a job that doesn't make me want to hide in the stairwell all day.  So far I sent out three resumes.  And did laundry.  And watched Andy Kaufman videos.  And ate peanut butter from the jar.  And went to a hip hop class.  Productive, right?

I suppose I didn't used to hate my job so much, but things used to be more... well... relaxed.

• 2/1/08 - 5:35pm

andrea: i'm far too restless for my own good. thank god next week is a busy one

 molly: i already want a vay cay again

 andrea: i don't

  i want to be uber busy

  what the hell happened to uber busy?

 molly: graduation

 andrea: dammit all

  i was busy after that

 i want a million dollars

  and a nice dinner

  and a martini

  right now.

 molly: me too

  but... oooh... the boss is taking out the emergency tequila

  things are looking better

Welllllll, back into it tomorrow I guess.  Someone send me some blogs to read.

The Weekly Widget and Sassoon: OH MY GOD IT'S ONLY MONDAY

Today at work I did all the payroll at once. It's usually a two-day process, but because of this dang Thanksgiving holiday week I had to condense it into one day.  Which meant roughly 8.5 hours of squinting at color-coded spreadsheets and small drop-down menus on the online payroll system. Oh, and the payroll system repeatedly crashed and got soooooo slooooowww because surely every other administrative slave in New York was trying to do the same thing. Puke.

It made me think about my dream job: Professional Awesome Person.  I can't seem to figure out what to do with my life, so why not just be Professionally Awesome, right?  I'm pretty sure the job would primarily involve making  iTunes playlists, baking cookies, rating movies on Netflix, high-fiving old people, and eating tortilla chips.  Actually... this is starting to sound like Naive Unemployed Person.  Hmm.

Either way, I've already got my business cards planned:

• 4/17/09 - 11:58pm
  

molly: i want to get new moo cards that say "molly cameron - the shit"

  because i'm so modest

 andrea: i almost just choked on my lunch when i read that

  that's the raddest thing ever

  do it

molly: i'm a genius

  and each one will have a photo of me on the front in a karate pose

 or wearing sunglasses looking all cool

  or yelling with a beer in my hand

andrea: you sound like the female version of the guy from eastbound and down

  HA

 molly: HAAA yes

  even though i've never seen a full episode, i totally know what you mean

  i'll need to get some sweatbands

 andrea: HELL YES

  you should watch it

  its gold

molly: also: look at this: http://lookatthisfuckinghipster.tumblr.com/

  HA

 andrea: holy wow

 molly: yup

I guess I'll just keep making fun of hipsters until those dreams come true.  Feel free to drop me a line if you'd got a bunch of money you'd like to invest in my small business.

I need to invest in some liquid mascara

After my post on Monday night I crawled into bed with my computer and kept watching God Help The Girl videos.  I am in love with this whole album.  I've always loved Belle & Sebastian and this is Stuart Murdoch's sort-of-spin-off.  "Belle & Sebastian: The New Class," if you will.

I watched this video three times in a row.  Brittany Stallings is so charming and has such a great, soulful voice and makes me want to crawl into that world for awhile.  I also want everyone's outfit.  (Duh).

The Weekly Widget and Sassoon: worst day ever

This has been the worst day of work I've had in a long long time.  I work for a theatre company/conservatory and we had a fancy-schmancy VIP reading of a musical tonight, meaning everyone was pissing their pants about crazy shit like programs and seating charts and paychecks for 11 hours as if the world was ending.  Oh, did I mention we're also in the crunch time of an audit?  And people sing and dance in the halls? And that sometimes I go to the bathroom just so I can lightly bang my head against the door?  True stories. 

I really wanted to hide in the bathroom all day but had to be all kind and patient because I need a paycheck.  Low moments of my day/night included (but were not limited to):

- Waking up with the awful beginnings of a cold (sore throat, head, body)
- An endless dance class with loud percussion in the room next door
- Rearranging the 73-person VIP seating chart in five minutes
- Getting coffee for Mr. Special Lyricist Man while I was supposed to be simultaneously placing signs for said seating chart and opening the box office
- Crying at my desk

I'd be ashamed of the crying-at-my-desk part if it hadn't been so well-earned.  Today was a shit storm.

Which of course means that - despite being sick - I definitely had 3 or so glasses of wine in the VIP room as soon as that show was rolling.  And some fancy crudites.

Now I'm home eating cookies and still feeling sickly and exhausted, but at least I made it through, right?  I'm tempted to dip into the Becherovka too (hey thanks Dave!), but that puts me about two seconds away from being this tomorrow:

• 5/13/09 - 9:32am
  

andrea: hey, you know what's NOT good idea?

 drinking a bottle of wine, and then going out to the bar

  on a tuesday

 molly: uh oh

  someone needs some hashbrowns....

 andrea: i do

 or cheezits and nestea 

Yeah.  Maybe just Nyquil.  And this:

The Weekly Widget and Sassoon: YOU grow up!

I like to describe my fashion sense as kindergarten-meets-Golden Girls.  In theory, that would meet somewhere in middle age and I would dress all Ann Taylor-y, but I don't.  In reality, it means that I wear a lot of jersey dresses and tights and fake pearls and ugly sweaters and things with pockets.  I am probably a prime candidate for "What Not To Wear," although I would cry when they threw all my stuff in the trashcan. 

• 2/14/08 -1:41pm

molly: is it bad that lately i've been wanting nearly everything in the window of gap kids?

 andrea: no, you're stepping up from Old Navy Kids

  your growing!

 molly: it's true!

  go me!

  gap kids has some awesome looking raincoats though and i keep wondering if i can fit an xxl or something

 andrea: i need a new cheeky beret and I don't know where to get one. possibly the gap...

 molly: gap kids!

  it's in the window!

The obsession never ends.  Have you seen the Stella McCartney stuff at Gap Kids right now? 

WhatwhatWHAT?? Holy shit I need a pink poncho and a sweater dress!!!  And ducklings!!!  STELLAAAAAA!!

The Weekly Widget and Sassoon: thank you, Netflix Instant

I am completely addicted to "Dexter."  I added it to my Netflix queue on a whim and then got all wrapped up in it, especially at the end of the first season.  Whoa! The plot twists!  And THEN, lo and behold, it's available to watch instantly on Netflix.  Why have I not embraced this feature until now??  I can watch episode after episode without having to go anywhere or build a semblance of a social life!

So I'm currently only on season two, but already I'm sucked in.  Oh Michael C. Hall, you've won me over with your creepy emotionless charm!  I loved him on "Six Feet Under," which is why I thought to watch "Dexter" in the first place.  "Six Feet Under" was my Netflix obsession last year and sometimes I miss not knowing what was in store for those Fishers and Chenoweths.  Andrea is just as passionate about it as I am and, as you can tell, sometimes we forget they're not real people.

*SPOILER ALERT* Spoilers. They are here.  Maybe don't read this chat if you haven't seen any "Six Feet Under" and would like to block out all plot exposition until you watch it beginning to end (as you should).

• 10/31/08 - 1:29pm

andrea: did you just watch that episode where claire is at work?

 molly: six feet under?

  no i just finished disc two

  nate's 40th birthday

and claire is just smoking weed 24/7

andrea: wow, so much happens in every season

  they really pack it in

  that's where he freaks out on that bird

 molly: YES

  so scary

 like a flashback to when he kills that snake

  actually the last episode i saw was the one right after that where he's finally nice and he and brenda explain the whole two mommy thing to maya

heartwarming

  which is good because nate saved me from hating him

  he's on the edge of being a complete douche

andrea: he's such a whiner

  nothing is ever good enough for him

  oh no I hate my life, i don't want to be a funeral director

  oh no brenda's mean to me, i hate her brother

  oh no I married lisa and i hate her!

  oh no lisa's dead! but i loved her!

 oh no, i'm with brenda again!

  waaaaaaaa!

 molly: I KNOWWWW

  so annoying

  and yet, each episode i manage to still feel bad for him

  but lately i've been feeling more for brenda

 she used to be a complete mess and know that she's finally pulled it together everyone dumps on her

 andrea: yeah, she's definitely doing better

molly: oh man... if i only i put so much energy into caring about real people...

  no one has such dramatic lives, i suppose

 andrea: its true

  our friends need to step it up

molly: yeah, and start having sex addictions and drug dealer friends

 andrea: yeah, what the eff?

Speaking of death and serial killers and blood, Halloween was bananas. I was a zombie camp counselor and I drank a lot of vodka and kept dropping things (umbrella, phone, beer bottles).  Thanks, Andrea, for helping me pick things up (like my brain).

I still need to be Liza and/or Suri someday, but I was down to the wire and really wanted to use fake blood.

BRAAIIINNNS!!

Take your protein pills and put your helmet on

I am a mess today.  I blame the fact that last night I got home around 11:15pm, then decided to eat a big bowl of soba, then decided to paint my nails, and then decided to finish up season one of "Dexter" on Netflix instant watch.  Why the crap can't I ever just GO TO BED??

When I woke up this morning I felt so out of it that I convinced myself for a full three hours that I must have carbon monoxide poisoning - the slow but steady kind.  The fear is a wee bit justified since we have an older apartment and repair people came to look at our messed-up oven recently but... really. My first thought when I'm tired and sickly and cranky shouldn't be "we're all going to die in our sleep!"

This is the way my mind works, kids: in paranoid bursts.

But now, roughly five hours after waking, I have had five Dum Dums and I'm listening to David Bowie's greatest hits and feeling much better.  I forgot how awesome Dum Dums are.

Did you know there are strawberry shortcake and banana split flavors in addition to the already-awesome cream soda and butterscotch?  WOW.

Of course, I never forget how awesome David Bowie is.

DAMN. What a classy criminal he was.

So... yeah.  Feeling better, but I'm still gonna make sure we have a carbon monoxide alarm in our apartment because I'm sure I'll stay up late again tonight and wake up tomorrow feeling paranoid all over again and freak out and email my roommate again.  (Sorry Allison!)

(Mug shot via The Smoking Gun via Milk.)

The Weekly Widget and Sassoon: my lip gloss is cool, my lip gloss is poppin'

Oh WOW what an exhausting weekend.  This marked round three of the Widget and Sassoon marathon, but, sadly, it felt like Drea and I barely saw one another.  Most of my weekend was arranged around a baby shower for my hometown friend Celia which meant most of my weekend was spent on various buses.

The shower was worth the trip.  I got to catch up with buds I haven't seen in months and years and - holy crap - even see old elementary school teachers.  AND I won two baby shower games. (Did you know there were such things as baby shower games? That there could be five different baby shower games in one baby shower?? Neither did I. But apparently I'm good at two of them.)

The downside of all this bus traveling meant that there was only time for one dance party.  Luckily, it was an awesome dance party involving hats.  Also luckily (super segue alert!), we both have awesome apartments now.  It seems like just yesterday that we were both undergoing the painstaking process of apartment searching.  But we know how to weed out the weirdos:

• 4/28/09 - 5:52pm
  

andrea:

So, i'm in the apt emailing stage, hopefully for june

  and this one apt, sent me back a survey to fill out!

 molly: oh dear... beware

  i got stuck at one apartment visit for about 40 minutes once because the girl wanted to interview me using a questionnaire she found online

 andrea: oh my god

  are you kidding?

  over email is one thing, but in person?!

 molly: yep

  and some of the questions were about like my "life goals" and i was all "are you shitting me?"

  crazy

andrea: wow, invasive

  this one is pretty cheesy

  I usually go to bed...

I'm the late night type

Sometimes early and sometimes late

Before the 10 p.m. news


How do you feel about overnight guests?

My home is their home

I'll speak up when it gets out of control

I'd be more comfortable discussing it first

 molly: yeah, that's cheesy

 and a little lazy, since it means they don't even want to meet you and ask you these questions in person

 andrea: it also had questions like "hobbies?

  favorite tv show?

 molly: oh dear

  you should make up a ridiculous hobby

 "i'm training for ace of cakes and i need to build and 8-foot tall cake shaped like historical figures once a week"

 andrea: AHAHAHAHAHAHA

 molly: "i like fire dancing and i can only practice on the roof"

 andrea: "I'm really into LARPing, buti can only have meetings in my house"

 they emailed me back to come see the place 11 minutes after i sent the survey back

 molly: AAHAAAA

  nice

  because you added the line about LARPing? ;)

 andrea: no, I used the ace of cakes one

 !

 molly: word!

Right now I'm back in my sweet abode, watching Kill Bill: Vol 2, eating soba, and procrastinating unpacking.  Procrastinating everything that involves advancing toward the rest of the week, really.  The only thing keeping me going is the hope of some kind of awesome Halloween happening over the weekend. 

Hmmm, what to be.  Liza?

Or Suri?

Don't roll your eyes at me, missy!

I'm still being a Daria-worthy sass today.  I'm working on an Excel spreadsheet for the weekly payroll and it is the most mind-numbing, anger-inducing part of my job.  I spend half the day color coding and copying and pasting formulas from worksheet to worksheet and then double checking it all.  As Drea would say, I went to COLLEGE, people!  And guess what?  My degree was not a major in Excel Coding with a concentration in Paper Shuffling!  Lame.  I'm even listening to Smashing Pumpkins right now, folks - that's how junior high my mood has become.

Let's take a step back.  Today is my third "I'm Alive Day" - meaning it's been three years since my near-death-by-moving-vehicles - and here I am complaining about the fact that I have to work a job to make money.  And sure, this isn't what I pictured I'd be doing after re-embracing life... but still.  At least these fingers can type again.  At least I sit upright in this plush swivel chair.  And at least I'm here.

I don't want to get into details again, but for serious - I am thankful today.  All of my limbs are working and I'm not living in a hospital bed and hey - I don't even have braces anymore!

I'd be lying if I said I didn't miss the codeine and "That 70's Show " marathons, but it's worth the trade off to be able to run the crap out of a treadmill after a day like this.

Everyone: go be alive.

The Weekly Widget and Sassoon: bein' a sassbasket

• 3/10/09 - 1:42pm

molly: i am in such a bad mood today and i have no idea why

  i'm being such a kick-a-locker crankypants to everyone

 andrea: you need a big chocolate coffee and a big gin and tonic

 molly: so true

 and a "sick day"

 andrea: hells yes 

Fast forward roughly seven months later.  Same deal.  Grarrarrrrrrrr.

Blogworthy

I knew the Drea of all Dreas could solve my problems.  Behold, fresh off the needle:

Now just imagine it on both feet.  Then imagine me flying.  Because I CAN NOW!!

Kidding.  It's all for show.

Also: best snarky comment so far:  "Did you drink some Redbull or something? I hear it gives you wings."  Way to go, Fudge.

The Weekly Widget and Sassoon: Adventures in Pisspot

Round 2 of Widget and Sassoon month wrapped up yesterday and is definitely in the running to be the most memorable. There was less shopping and more bad luck and pouting this time around, but still some web-video-watching and buffet-eating. Sort of a good balance.

The weird part: Andrea got random stomach flu/food poisoning, also late Saturday night, which happened to me last week! Are we germing each other up? I swear I didn't even lick her pillowcase. Luckily I started taking liquid echinacea this weekend and I'm convinced it's saving my immune system (it also makes me feel a little stoned - bonus?).

The sucky part: I lost my phone when we went to Andrea's grandmother's retirement party in Long Island. For real. And I wasn't even drunk! Damn it all. I think it was a sign though as my phone was a piece of crap and now Andrea is sending me her old-but-fancy phone. Yay!
So I've been without a phone for two and a half days now, which is mostly an inconvenience, but also a bit freeing. Want to text me about how annoying the post office is? GOOD LUCK, SUCKERS!

The awesome part: I finally got tattoos! Talk about FANCY. I've been pondering over the idea of getting wings off my ankles for a good two years now and I finally did it. They were perfectly inked by Bryan at New York Adorned and I couldn't be happier with the design. He was a bit of a sass, but in a classic East-Village-tattoo artist way. And yes, it hurt like hell, but I think the total inking process couldn't have been more than 15 minutes. I'd love to post photos, but as I don't own a digital camera, I don't want to post the lame MacBook-Photo Booth version. Photo shoot, anyone?
Oh, and FUN FACT: Not only did Bryan's three-year-old son run around the shop and give us fake flowers while we were waiting, but we were told that Hilary Duff had stopped in right before I arrived to get a small anchor tattooed on her ankle. I suggested that it's so she can sink to the bottom (zing!). Bryan said he wished she got a Duff beer can (HA!).

ANYWAY. Dreaface and I didn't get to spend as much time together as before, but I'm glad she broke her promise about coming to New York. We'll continue the adventures in Borington in a couple weeks.

• 4/3/09 11:22am

andrea: i'm trying to make it until december without seeing new york

these are my little dreams

molly: you're no fun

andrea: i'm all kindsa rad genius fun

molly: WHATEVER

andrea: YOU WHATEVER

new york is a piss pot

PISS

POT

you move to london i'll visit you all the time!

no!

don't!~

i take it back!

molly: maybe i WILL

you're lucky i come to boring boston

borington

bostonoring

andrea: you shut it

i come to pisspot for you

pissy pissy pisspot

molly: yeah in december maybe

you're missing out on my giant living room and kabirs

andrea: ooooh kabirs....

That's RIGHT! I knew I could lure her with a samosa.

Oh, and here's another SNL clip we enjoyed imitating:



"YEAAAAH"

The Weekly Widget and Sassoon: bootard month

October is an exciting time in the land of Widget and Sassoon! Drea and I are hanging out not one, not two, but THREE weekends this month! Insane!

The first 36-hour party went down this weekend when Drea came to NYC and crashed on my granny couch from Friday to Sunday. Highlights included playing Burger Time (which I think should be called Cheeseburger Time - everyone wants cheese, amiright amiright?), wearing matchy-matchy outfits, eating gigantic onion rings, dirty dancing to the Fugees, and watching this video at least 13 times:



We then proceeded to do the Maya/Whitney shoulder shake every time things got really exciting.

Ignoring the part where I randomly got a horrendus stomach flu/food poisoning and ignoring the fact the we both now have gross colds, amazingness was had by all. I can't wait until Part B next weekend. In the meantime, we'll continue to have heart-to-hearts like this one:

• 1/7/09 - 10:27pm

molly: oh good, you're alive

 andrea: wait, was i dead?   oh, the wine

  i'm dead.

 molly: NOOO

  GET UNDEAD

 andrea: trying.

 molly: BE A ZOMBIE

 andrea: bootard

  eating brains.

  so what?

 molly: so

  you

 i am drinking gin, and also getting sleepy

 andrea: ugh. i still have to go back to somerville tonight though

  bugger

  i want to sew an ipod case

  i want EVERYTHING

 molly: somerville?

  ha, bugger

  are you british now?

 andrea: that's where joe lives

  no, just a wino

 molly: ahhh

wine brings out the brit

  and gin brings out the CRAZY

  and LAZY

  i am watching blazing saddles on amc and now all i want to do is drink and watch movies all night

andrea: YES

  me too

  but i have to take a bus

  grrr.

  and a shower.

  grrr.

 molly: are you at home?

  brighton home?

 andrea: yeah

  bootard

 molly: YOU'RE a bootard

The Weekly Widget and Sassoon: only 88 days left until Christmas!

Erghhhblaargghhbleeeh.

That's the sound that Monday makes. I've been spoiled by having the last three Mondays off and now this Monday is eating my soul. I've been here two hours and so far the only productive thing I have done is emptied a file folder, shredded the contents, and then emptied the shredder. The thought of doing much more is agonizing.

So why not start my Christmas shopping? I could at least update my Amazon Wish List in the hope that people actually look at it this year. Sadly, Amazon does not sell creepy laser foxes:

• 12/3/08 - 3:07pm

molly: i'm freaking out about xmas gifts bc i don't know when i'll have the time to make/buy gifts in the midst of moving

i think everyone will get cookies

andrea: i wish i could get away with that

molly: maybe you can

you can just knit me a mitten

just one

it's ok

andrea: i can't knit

woops

molly: or crochet

whatever the hell that crafty thing you do with yarn is

i don't know

andrea: http://www.etsy.com/view_listing.php?listing_id=18109744

yes!

molly: i just want balls

HA

andrea: balls?

molly: crocheted balls

like on the poster

and i want them stuffed inside of that laser fox

andrea: hee hee

DONE

molly: oh but it still has to be alive

the laser fox

ok?

andrea: no problem

i'll get him

you have to promise to be careful with him though

molly: don't worry

he'll live in the bathtub

until i move out

then he will live under margaret's bed

andrea: hahahahahahah!!

you can't leave him though!

molly: ok fiiiiiine he can live in my giant new living room and teach yoga classes to earn me extra money

andrea: i LOVE this fox

i think his name is geraldine

molly: geraldine's a girl name

andrea: he's french canadian

By the by, if you want to check out these "balls" I speak of, look at Drea's stuff here and here. They're fun.

The Weekly Widget and Sassoon: why I'm sticking with improv

So I was right. I'm a big ol' sick face today so I took the day off to sit on the couch and eat soup all day and try to get better. Ick.

The plus side is that I caught up with a bunch of random television, the highlight of which was an episode of "Inside the Actor's Studio" with Amy Poehler. Damn, I want her career. When James Lipton asks his famous 10 questions at the end, she gives a serious answer and a comedic answer for each. For example:

"What is your least favorite sound?"
"Serious answer? The sound of anyone in pain. Comedic answer? A man crying while I make love to him."

Also:

"If heaven exists, what would you like to hear God say when you enter the pearly gates?"
"Serious answer: 'Come on in.' Comedic answer: 'Your mother was right.'"

Amazing. She's definitely one of the reasons I started doing improv:

• 8/22/07 - 4:38pm

molly: i'm actually looking into improv classes

but that's whenever i can afford them...

andrea: improv classes, huh?

molly: yep

there's an amy poehler in me just waiting to burst out

i know it

andrea: you're better than amy poehler

hear me now, universe. Molly Cameron is better than Amy Poehler

molly: YOU'RE RIGHT ANDREA,

(that's the universe)

GIVE HER A SHOW, DAMMIT

(thanks universe)

OK, that's a stretch, universe and Andrea (but, aw shucks, thanks). I'm currently about to repeat Improv 401, doubting all of my writing skills, and running out of ways to zing my co-workers. Maybe this is just the sick talking, but moments like this make me think too hard about my life and wonder if I should have followed my 12-year-old dream and become a secret agent (because I hear that's really easy).

Anyway. Enough of my September moping. I'll get there eventually. Let's watch some Kaitlin.